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Would love to read your experiences...

Everyones Interest's picture

So, I will be 33 next month. I do want to have kids and would like my first before I turn 35.

SD(s2b6) is an only child, and the only grandchild. So, she's used to being the only one 'doted on'.

FH's little brother recently announced that he and his partner are having a baby. SD didn't really react. We told her that Daddy was going to be an uncle as well and that there was going to be another baby in the family. She really wans't impressed. Didn't really say anything, but didn't like the idea of Daddy being an Uncle.

Also, awhile back FH was talking to SD and he asked if she thought I'd make a good mommy one day. She started crying and saying she didn't want me to have my own kids b/c then she wouldn't be MY kid anymore!

So...How did your skids take the news that you were having a baby? How old were they? And if it wasn't a favorable response, how did you deal?

Thanks in advance for sharing your insight!

Comments

MikeBrady's picture

Well my DW is about 4 1/2 months pregnant right now. We told the Skids (SD10, SD13, & SD15) on Christmas Day on the way to the in-law's house to open gifts. When we told them, it was TOTAL QUIET in the car!! They were not happy at all! They didn't say a word. The silence killed my DW. She started crying quietly on the way there. I honestly didn't really care that the Skids had an issue because I expected them too. It's natural for them to be like "Wow, my bio-parent and her new spouse are having a baby together. So where does that leave us? Will we be on the outside looking in?" Well suffice it to say that over the last few months, they have gotten more and more used to the idea. I know that once the baby gets here, they will be totally cool with it. We just have to show them that we are ALL fam! Not just me, DW, and the baby and then.........the Skids. We are all in this together.

LValleyGirl28's picture

I am in a similar situation as you. My SD6 is her father's one and only and her mom's youngest (she's baby mama to two kids) and the only grandchild on DH's side. She had been spoiled in the past, but his family is catching on to her poor behavior and bratty ways.

Anyway, my SD6 keeps saying "When LValleyGirl27 has her kids..." etc. I don't think she gets the fact that the children I have will also belong to her father. So she won't be the "only" anymore. I try to work it into conversations so it's not a surprise when DH dotes on the baby.

It's going to be hard for you and me.

MikeBrady's picture

Yep, my Skids could not understand how the baby that we are having would be their sister. They swore us up and down that the baby would be their "STEP SISTER" since I am their STEP FATHER. It's like they totally disregard the fact that they are all going to have the same mother. I tried to explain it but they just could not comprehend it. I'm not sure if they just couldn't or just wouldn't.

step2three's picture

My Skids say the same they call her there Step sister I really dont care anymore sometimes when they talk about her they say step2three daughter like they aren't related by father geez!

stepmom2one's picture

Oh they get it. They just say that to upset you or try to make themselves feel like it won't change anything when deep down they know it will.

step2three's picture

When I got pregnant it was a surprise b/c i was on birth control so unexpected so we didnt tell anyone somehow my Husband (BF at the time ) tells his ex for some odd reason well she told SD she was 4 at the time this little girl would jump on my stomach throw balls at my stomach and I had no clue she knew so I ended up telling her why she couldnt do that and she said "I know your having a baby! She didnt take it well when it turned out to be a girl since she was dads first girl oh well she is still very jealous of her at the age of 8 it's ridiculous!

melis070179's picture

SS was 10, DH called and told him, he said "cool". That was pretty much it! My BS (DHs SS) was 4 when I got pregnant and he was happy. He doesn't comprehend step/half yet. He just knows they have the same mommy and different daddies and thats his brother. Now he wants a sister. LOL

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

mlbltd5678's picture

When I got pregnant my husband and I desided to tell my ss who was 5 at the time first. From the begining we made him a part of the pregnancy. I continued to do things just with him, and reasured him that he was still my son and that I would still be his mommy. It might have been easier for us because ss has always felt that I was his mom. BM is in the picture but he says she is only his birth mom because she doesn't do all the mom things. I just made sure that it was all of us that were having the baby, not just my husband and I. We consulted with him on what names to choose. We asked his oinion on the nursery, and we also bought him some new decorations for his room so he wouldn't feel left out. We always told him that we wanted to know how he feels and that this is going to be his sister or brother. It worked, because although he was very nervous about what things would be like when the baby arrived, his sister is now 18 months and they have a bond that I have never seen before. He plays with her and is very protective, and I think a big part of that is we made the baby all of ours from he begining.

honeybunszer's picture

They didn't seem to care too much but they were excited and the two older ones just wanted to help take care of him because he was like a baby doll lol but SS6 was 3 at the time and he was so excited, he would give my belly a kiss every night, snuggle with my belly, but then when i had him he did a 360 turn around and has never looked back. He started out just acting out and saying mean things like "what if BS died?". Now mind you this child to this day does not have the normal filter that a 6 year old does, and has violent/sociopathic tendencies. So this weirded me out alot, but then as BS got older (he's almost 3 now) he picks on him alot when he thinks no one is watching and just is very aggressive with him. I don't know what goes on in his head because i ask him, do you know that hurts? and he says yes, then i ask him "so you want to hurt him?" and he says no, so i know he's a master manipulator and all that wonderful jazz he inherited from BM but i can never understand and it is now a rule in my house and has been for a while that he is not allowed to be alone in any room with BS.

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege"

Stepmom_C's picture

I am close to 8 months pregnant right now. Have BD16, SD12, SD8 and all three were pretty excited. The youngest was the cutest though, she started screaming and jumping she was so excited Smile

It was a little strange at first for BD16 because she's in that "yuck, my mom had sex" mentality at her age. Now that it's getting closer she's really excited!!

What's strange for me is that I was last pregnant 16 years ago! I was young then (20) and this time around I just turned 37 and feel ancient. But we are super excited and adding a little baby boy to the family!!! There will be some jealousy issues - always are (even in a nuclear family). Just deal in the best way you can. When my brother was born I told my mom to "put him back I want a sister" then hung up on her. I was a pistol at the age of 4 but I was the first baby, grandbaby etc. I ended up dealing with it, never got that sister I wanted but my brother and I are really close. Your SD will come around eventually Wink

stepmom2one's picture

My SD was 6 when I got preggo with my first son (now 2)and 7 when he was born. She was excited at first but then once she realized he wasn't going anywhere she has been horrible. Well on and off but more bad times then good.

But all well I want to have my kids SD will get over it or not. When she is 18 and moves out I think you would regret not having your own child/ren just becuz a 6 yr old wanted to continue to be the "only child".

WowjustWow's picture

But that's because she thinks it's going to be like it is with her half sister at her mom's. 1/2 sis is 5 now and BM lets her do anything and has no discipline for the kid. I think she's cute as pie and play with here when she is there, but SD's end up taking care of 1/2 sis and don't like it. I have told them it would be very different at our house and that I would not expect them to do anything for the baby. SD14's new blurt recently was "but if you have a baby, that means I get less" Yes, she was talking about money. She went on to say that she'll be in college and that we wouldn't have extra money to send to her because the reversal surgery is expensive. Little does she know, that wouldn't happen anyway and we plan on using money from an inheritance for it.

I think things will change when we actually get to that point. But I decided even though it will suck for me and DH, we would put the baby in our room until SD14 moves out for college, since we only have 3 bedrooms and it wouldn't be fair to ask them to share a bedroom again in high school. We have some time to worry about it though... we have to start with the reversal surgery!