Update: Rotting teeth
So, my SD6.5 went to the pedatric dentist this morning. One of her molars is so completely rotted that there is no saving it - root canal or not - and it has to be extracted and a spacer put in place. Another tooth is in such a state of decay that she has to have a root canal - or extraction with spacer, depending on the cost.
She has 2 other bad cavaties that will have to also be taken care of. This will all happen over the course of 3 appointments. I pray that the sleepy juice/happy gas works, because this kid has literally no pain threshold.
BM, while upset that her child has to go through this, is shrugging off all responsibility to the dentist. She thinks it's his sole responsibility to make sure SD's mouth is okay. She dismisses the fact that SD eats nothing but sugar and garbage at home. She says she'll try a little harder at getting SD to brush her teeth, but states, "But really...what can I do if SD doesn't want to brush?" Seriously...wtf? Who's the parent?
I am so mad I want to scream and tear my hair out and cry at the same time. WTF is the point of being a parent if you are so clueless? This woman is the epitome of stupid and has no life or motherly instincts! Not only is her bad parenting effecting herself, now it is seriously harming her child and us emotionally and finacially!
I'm so disgusted I just can't even begin to put it in to words. I also feel so defeated, becasue no matter what happens, BM will always make excuses and blame others. She actually said, "Well, these things happen" when FH started questioning her on the amount of decay.
I just feel so utterly helpless right now. And how many more serious health issues are going to crop up due to the absolute lack of common sense of BM?
There has already been a staph infection on SD's vulva. I really believe that SD has an ongoing cause of vulvovaginitis due to poor hygiene (BM does not allow SD to wash her bum or vulva with soap because 'it's bad for women to use soap'). In the last 2 weeks SD has come over with some pretty awful discharge and excrement on her underwear (we are getting her a physical, especially with the massive infection going on in her mouth right now). She only gets bathed once a week by BM, and now her mouth is rotting.
We document everything, and FH wants to go for primary custody soon, but we need as much ammo as possible.
I just feel so beaten and defensless. How are we supposed to help this little girl?
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WOW! This sounds like what
WOW! This sounds like what happened with my SS when he lived with his BM (except for the infections and dental work). That is neglect. Straight up neglect. Something needs to be done ASAP. Its not fair to the child. Has anyone called social services on her? Can't you take the doctor/dentist to testify?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Absolutely - child
Absolutely - child abuse
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
MIL called CPS 2 years ago.
MIL called CPS 2 years ago. The case worker said that although BM`s parenting is unorthodox, it isn`t harming the child so there is nothing that can be done.
The child appears healthy to all outsiders. She`s gorgeous! Her hair appears to be somewhat dirty most of the time, but lots of kids look that way. She doesn`t look like `Pig Pen`from Charlie Brown at all!
That`s the problem! Anyone looking at her would say she looks great. But then you see the underwear, and the smells when she`s only in a nightgown (gag!).
Aside from the MASSIVE swollen fistula in her mouth, which only appeared on Sunday her teeth don`t look bad either. Except for the massive rot going on under the gums of course.
Aside from documenting everything to show a continued case of neglect, it would be hard to get the child away from her. WE are about to contact SD`s past doctors to request her records. We don`t know what BM has been telling them...
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Maybe CPS should be called
Maybe CPS should be called again because apparantly it is now harming the child.
Keep documenting, but I would try to do something quickly so SD doesn't have to go through this for too much longer.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I'm really sorry
I'm really sorry honey...this is just terrible. That poor girl.
I guess googling the facts and giving them to BM won't help her see the light at all...usually that works for me when trying to prove a point to someone, have the printed black n white research to support the fight. This BM seems beyond reasoning though.
I hope you guys win your case...
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
I wish that would work.
I wish that would work. We`ve tried it with many other topics, including but not limited to: tantrums, bedtime routines, importance of hygiene, causes and treatments of staph, causes and treatments for vulvovaginitis, permissive parenting (she should be the poster child), importance of structure and discipline...it goes on and on.
Either she doesn`t read it, she finds some obscure site to support her stance, or competely disregards it and repeats whatever portion of the conversation she had with the Dr. that fits her stance.
She omits critical information when speaking with Dr.s about SD, and then filters out anything she doesn`t want to here. Then she twists the rest of whatever was said to fit her own agenda. She is utterly impossible!
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
I can see how that is so
I can see how that is so frustrating. I really don't understand these women (and men) who act this way. They're presented with fact and they twist it to suit their needs and opinions. These are the most impossible people on the planet...
I'm no gyn but won't vulvovaginitis cause her to have menstrual and fertility problems when she's older if she keeps getting that type of infection?
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
I haven`t run across that in
I haven`t run across that in my research.
Nonspecific vulvovaginitis is pretty common in prepubescent girls and is basically swelling and irritation of the vulva and vagina. It is caused by lack of hygiene, wiping from back to front, harsh soaps, detergents, tight synthetic clothing etc...
Since we eliminated all other irritants in both households and the problems persist, I can only deduce that it is caused by the first 2 reasons I listed. SD can be rid of all problems if she was bathed daily, sat is sitz bathes during flair ups, and if she was taught proper wiping. She is perfect with us, but she is not held to any standards at her Mom`s house.
Barbie - The infection in her mouth...is it possible to cause infection elsewhere - like yeast infections or something? The discharge has gotten pretty bad in the last 2 weeks.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Wow, that's a relief that it
Wow, that's a relief that it can't cause reproductive issues!
The infection in her mouth could spread to other parts depending on what type of infection it is...if she's putting her fingers in her mouth then touching other mucosa (like the vaginal area) without washing her hands then the infection could definitely be spread...(per Dr.McHottiepants)
I had to double check with him on that one!
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Thanks so much! I
Thanks so much! I appreciate your (and Dr. McHottiepants - lol's) help.
That's what I was afraid of, because she does do that. I try to encourage as much hand washing as possible (I'm a little compulsive), but unfortunately she's not that complusive...what 6.5 year old is....
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
That is horrific, that poor
That is horrific, that poor little girl.
Sounds like as good a case
Sounds like as good a case for full custody as I ever heard...
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
That is amazing. Why can't
That is amazing. Why can't she force a child to brush their teeth? As someone who has had extractions, they are so painful. Also, the infections in her teeth can actually cause damage to her heart. You need to make sure the pediatrician knows.
OMG! My heart goes out to
OMG! My heart goes out to that poor little girl. I hope you are able to get her the help she needs. My youngest sister had her baby teeth rot in her mouth (yeah, my mom was not mom of the year either) but luckily, it was just her baby teeth. It took forever for them to fall out but her permanent teeth came in with no problems. I hope that will be the case for your SD as well.
I can't even begin to
I can't even begin to imagine how any mother could neglect their child like this - wow! And that's exactly what it is - pure and simple neglect. You don't ASK a child to brush their teeth - you TELL them and make sure it gets done. As for the infection, how disgusting is that!? Is the BM's hygiene as nasty as the child's? That poor child must be miserable with rotting teeth & the infection's got to be a major irritation to her. If an outsider such as a day care provider, teacher or even another adult saw how bad this child is they would report them to CPS. That little girl is lucky to have someone like you to care about her and try to help. Her BM is a piece of crap!
I'm sure your SD is in a lot
I'm sure your SD is in a lot of pain. It sounds like BM is a lot of fun... I will say however that some kids just have soft teeth. My BS is 8 and has already had 2 baby teeth extracted. He is seeing a dental specialist 2 hours away for an "adult" tooth that might need a root canal if it cannot be saved from the treatments he is receiving now. (I don't know much about it, honestly. He screams when we go so I make Dad take him cause it just breaks my heart.) However our specialist has told us it is evident we and BS take care of his teeth- BS brushes 3 times a day, and any time he eats Oreos (lol)- but he just has really soft teeth. Sealants will be applied as soon as the treatment to avoid root canal is finished in 2 months...
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."
My SD is like this. While I
My SD is like this. While I blame BM most for allowing her only child to get to the point of needing pulpotomies/root canals, extractions, huge fillings, and space retainers, my BF is also guilty in this. I am not attacking your SO, but where was he? Where is he?
I'm pretty pissed at my BF and BM for not making their child brush her teeth, saying no to all letting her have all the sweet treats (this kid wants a treat after every lunch and every dinner at the very least). BM couldn't emotionally handle the trauma of taking SD in for an initial checkup -- WTF is that? Why didn't HE drag her ass in there then for the sake of his child? Grow some balls for your kid for God sakes!
I'm sure she may have an underlying issue, such as soft teeth, but BM also never wanted her to drink flourinated water because she was afraid SD would get poisoned...it goes on and on.
Both FH and I ensure the
Both FH and I ensure the child brushes at least 2 times a day and flosses once daily.
FH has been getting SD's dentist bills over the years through his insurance and assumed that she was getting proper care.
SD has never complained about pain in her teeth to us, but has to the BM. This all happened on Sunday. That`s when we also found out that SD is difficult at the dentist office and has never had a full checkup cleaning. Nor did she allow the dentist to take x-rays back in Aug!
We had NO idea there were any issues with her and dentists. I even commented last year to FH that I was surprised that SD always seemed excited about her dentist appointments, as I always hated going (and still do).
Unbeknownst to us, nothing was really happening at the dentist except SD getting a `prize`after her appointments.
And thier SUPPOSED to have joint custody. This info would have been useful to have MONTHS ago, because then FH and I could have stepped in and taken her to a peds dentist instead.
It`s disgusting!
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Okay, No you cannot make a
Okay, No you cannot make a child brush their teeth. But as long as they are not bigger then you are you can sit on them and brush them for them! Jeez! I had to do this twice for myson when he was about 6 and refused to brush, he didnt like mom sitting on him and brushing his teeth so guess what - he started brushing his own teeth again without argument!
This is so sad that a mother can let her child get to this point where they are a walking infection. I wouldnt wait to change custody, this is obvious abuse.
Right. If BM cannot get this
Right. If BM cannot get this child to brush her teeth at 6.5, think about the level of control she's going to have when SD is say 16 or 17 and driving, etc.
It makes me sick to my
It makes me sick to my stomach!
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
This is how it all
This is how it all starts....if her teeth are rotten, how else do u think she is being neglected?...take pictures of the underwear when they come to you for visitation...as gross as it is...it IS proof of neglect.....please I have been down this road, and I feel for u....but u haveta start the ball rolling for custody, imo anyway....this is a mother who is not properly caring for her children....what does yur DH say?...does he want to go for custody?...
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....