Insufferable In-laws are toxic
So, we actually had a nice Thanksgiving with my 90 year old father. He is alone except for his caregivers so if we hadn't gone to have dinner with him.. he would have had a pretty sad day. He lives about 2 hours from us and we haven't gotten to see him very much due to my husband working across the country for the past 8 months straight... only came home 2x (saw my dad those times)... and I spent every weekend driving to meet him half way so my time was pretty shot otherwise since I work full time.
Anyway, we were invited to my OSD's house for Tday.. but we definitely were not interested since BM the EX was also invited with her new BF. This is my husband's line in the sand.. not mine.. though I appreciate it!
So, of course, when you are not there to defend yourselves people will trash talk you.
Apparently OSD's In-laws were talking bad about my husband and how he hasn't seen his grandson very much. How long has he been home.. and how many times has he seen his grandson etc.. . The have even gotten his daughter to be somewhat resentful.. and she is a bit GUBM about it all.
Well.. it's easy for them to be judgemental.. they live across the street. They don't have to go out of their way to see the kid.
My husband has been home since the 4th of November. So as of the time of this trash talk he had been home from Louisiana for approx 24 days. We had trips out of the country for 9 days planned when he came back.. so accounting for a day or two for trip prep.. we are down to 13 available days... Oh.. and when we got back from our trip on the 26th he was sick in bed for two days.. so now we are down to 11 days. We had my father's 90th birthday party and a trip back to TN one long weekend to move our camper so we didn't have to pay for another month... so that is down to 8 days he was home.. and keep in mind he hadn't been home for something like 8 months.. so the first couple of days he was getting some things caught up like mowing grass etc.. so now we are down to like 4 days. And.. a couple days he did drive down to take care of things with his parents.. so now down to 2 days.. and then one of those days he did go by and visit with his grandson..
He had tried a couple other times..but schedules with them didn't match up.
They act like he has all the time in the world when in reality.. he actually has quite a bit to take care of... and he has been working out of the state for most of the last 3 years (the boy is 3).
It's not that he doesn't have an interest in the kid.. but we live 2 hours away.. so to go visit blows a whole day pretty much.. and we have other things we need to take care of.. other priorities too.
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Apparently OSD's In-laws were
Apparently OSD's In-laws were talking bad about my husband and how he hasn't seen his grandson very much
I've come to learn that people will always have something to say. It's easy for the inlaws to judge and give their two cents but guess what.....who cares what they think. They can keep singing that same song all day long, it still doesn't change or define your H. As far as I'm concerned they are irrelevant and what they think is a non-factor. Don't allow that to even be a blip in your radar.
Continue to live your life and to h@ll with what they or anyone else thinks about him seeing his grandkid.....
Well, la-di-dah! How nice for
Well, la-di-dah! How nice for the Judgy McJudgersons! They can go sit on sharp, pointy candy canes.
Opinions only matter if you let them and these people sound unworthy. xo
Yeah.. these are the people
Yeah.. these are the people who have no problem with their daughter inlaw being 8 months pregnant with a 3 yo being verbally berated by their drunk son. Just fine with her having to drive at midnight to stay with her grandparents on their couch.
I think that her FIL used to abuse her MIL a good bit.. so I guess they just think that dysfunction is just par for the course.
I really couldn't give a crap what THEY say really.. except for the fact that my YSD and my DH's parents had to be there and hear their lipping off.. and I know it makes them very upset.
The quite ironic thing is apparently my DH's EX stood up for him somewhat.. not sure what that was all about. But.. apparently OSD said her mother ruined things because she showed up too early and the little boy didn't get his nap.. so was a terror.
newsflash.. the kid pretty much is a terror at 3.. not good at listening because his parents want him to be happy (eyeroll).
Aw, hell. That sucks for YSD
Aw, hell. That sucks for YSD and DH's parents. I hope they all understand that the out-laws, er in-laws, and their toxic twuntiness do not have to be tolerated.
Options:
Oh, happy joy. Another monster in the making. Gads.
Step parenting / Being a
Step parenting / Being a parent on the paying end of CS, is like running a race around a track, where you are behind the faster runners, trying your hardest to make it to the finish line, and you lost, but the fact that you did all the work to provide a race track so everyone could race, doesn't stop everyone from jeering criticism at your bad running. Then you spend the rest of your life attempting to finally win a race, and you do many times, but the same people who didn't like your running never forget how bad you ran.
Oh, and that was good that
Oh, and that was good that you two got to have a good thanksgiving with your Father!! I bet he loved getting to spend it with you both!!
Ahhh, so these are the
Ahhh, so these are the Grandparents that do NOT have a life outside babysitting.
There are two kinds of Grandparents. 1. YOUR step childs INLAWS who have nothing to do but be with their "Grand-babies" (I barf when I hear adults calling 5+ year olds grandbabies). and 2. those who are living their best lives, trying to work their asses off to get to retirment so they can travel, or just do what they want on their terms. NOT babysitting grandkids so parents can save money to build their 'dream home"....yawn...
Sorry but I hear these stories all the time when we travel. Gods honest truth.
My DH loves his grandson..
My DH loves his grandson.. but he's 3. His parents need to raise him.. not us..lol. and those 9 days in Mexico and the Dom Rep were amazing for us...lol.
Personally, I'm fine seeing the boy occasionally. I mean, when we go to see them, we are never offered a drink.. snack.. nothing. We sit in their living room.. watch the kid careen around the living room alternatingly attacking toys, people or the dog. This time he was throwing his ball against the TV and plate glass window in the living room. Then we adjourn to the outside where we watch said child run in the opposite direction his parents tell him with the dog to the pond and then ride around on his little 4 wheeler. We are not talking quality interraction with the child. He is too wound up most of the time for him to even interact with us..lol.
So.. watching the kid roll around and yell RAWWWRRR and thrust his toys at you.. point his toy gun at you.. pew pew pew.. I mean.. it's not all that cute. haha. And this visit sucks up about 6 hours of our day.. so pretty much the whole day spent doing it.
I'm not saying that I don't want my DH to have a relationship with him.. but honestly.. I just am not all that interested in kids until they reach the age where you can talk with them.. they have the capacity to listen. and behave. I know kids at all ages have their moments.. but right now the kid is all "moments"..
LOLOL Great story ESMOD, I
LOLOL Great story ESMOD, I was able to see and hear it allllll. PEW PEW PEWWW
It’s a pity more grandparents
It’s a pity more grandparents don’t see the wonderful role they could have as being part of the ‘glue’ of the extended family, and instead they would rather get their grandchildren to trash talk others. I really can’t understand it (if anyone would care to explain this in general terms).
If my children have kids I would say to my grandchildren - “if you have an issue with your father, go and discuss the issue with your father”.