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Fly in the ointment

Endora's picture

ME -to Zippy16.5.

I am ruining his summer }:)

I am off for a few weeks this summer catching up with home improvements. Zippy out of school and for the past two summers I have lived through:

Zippy's summer hours -2pm-11:30pm (wakes up at 2pm)
Zippy laying like a lazy lion on the living room couch eating bowl after bowl of food watching tv
Zippy, then sauntering downstairs around 4pm to video game his brains out until bed

Repeat day after day for two years-BUT NOT THIS YEAR

New house rule (has to be repeated daily because I think Zippy16.5 was dropped on his head at birth)

No eating on the living room couch-one may eat at the table, at TV table in the living room or Zippy's gaming area.

Zippy is very crusty about this new house rule.

Zippy's friend Art-got Zippy his second job(Zippy got fired from his first job that Daddy got him at his work for 12 lates!). Zippy does not like this job and I am counting down the days until he gets fired from this one because:

On Father's Day Zippy had a shift starting at 10:30AM (remember the Zippeth does not get up before 2pm)-DH was working that day and reminded Zippy that he was to get up early. DH goes to work.

I am doing housework and notice it is 9:45AM-no Zippy and the bus ride is 40 minutes and the buses are on Sunday schedule. I KNOW Zippy will blissfully sleep until 2pm and then play dumb re getting fired from this job, and his "Daddy goggled father" will sympathize with him!

So I bite the bullet and bang on Zippy's door until I hear a heartwarming

"WHUUUUUUU" (nasty loud tone like "WTF do you want"!)

Me: "Zippy, if you are planning to go to work today you may want to think about getting up"

10:00AM Zippy saunters down makes himself a huge cup of tea (shift starts at 10:30AM)-downs the tea like a camel in the dessert that hasn't drank anything in months!

puts it down and looks at me and say

"Endora-I guess I need a ride"

Me: :O

I give him a ride (cuz I want the break from his presence)

I tell DH when he gets home what transpired-had I not given Zippy a ride-he would have lost this job as he is only 3 shifts into it and I would lose whatever precious Zippyless time I have for the next few weeks! DH slightly mentions to Zippy the incident and how "Zippy" must try and get up-Zippy bats his camel like lashes and Daddykins drops the ball-Zippy goes down to video his brain numb.

I mention to DH that maybe allowing Zippy to sleep until 2pm everyday is making it hard for him to get up before then so I suggest that Zippy wake up at 11:00 Mon-Friday over the summer and that if he must get up for an early shift he needs to set not only his alarm clock (which Zippy says did NOT go off that fateful morning) but set the alarm on his precious cell phone (the best most expensive Daddy can buy him of course!) :sick:

DH agrees-but will implement these new rules his way (which means not!)

I state I do not have much confidence in this happening and then WW3 starts again!

Amazing how early Zip can get up when Art calls to do something in the morning-no alarm clock needed.

Zippy "forgot" to turn in an 80.00 text book-

DH gets a call from the school

DH says "Zippy-do you have a math text book to return"

Zippy "Yup"

DH-"Where is this book Zippy"?

Zippy: "In my locker at school"

DH-"Zippy, you cleaned out your locker at school-is there a lock on your locker?

Zippy: "No"

There will be no text book in the unlocked locker (if indeed we are getting the truth)

DH: "Zippy -the school is open today-I want you to go to school and check for that book or you are going to have to pay for the book"

Me: "Good thing you are working eh Zippy?"

Two dirty looks from Zip and DH for the price of one

It is now past 11am -DH is at work -Zippy is still sleeping what do you think are the chances Zippy will check for the text book?

That kid is driving me to drink!

Comments

BMJen's picture

I make the kids eat at the kitchen table only. This includes my 21 yr old SD. Only because she is messier than my younger kids. She cried about it though. At 21, sat there and cried her eyes out that daddy and mean ol SMJ was making her royal highness eat in the kitchen.

~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~

Endora's picture

This is what Zippy looks like (only Zippy is battling severe acne along with the huge camel nose)

http://www.bradfitzpatrick.com/weblog/wp-images/my_art/sketches/031_cart...

(no offence to the camel)

As a reality show-bring it on-I think everyone would pee their pants laughing (except me who has to live it!)

DH would get a real look at himself doting on Zippy16.5 daily....

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

sparky's picture

Oct8, when I read that I burst into laughter. Can you imagine how hilarious that would be?

October8's picture

I can be a reality type show beavis and Butthead Style. With Zippy coming up with creative ways to avid being productive.

On a more serious note, I think it is a sign of the generation. The teenagers that I know are seldom go getters anymore.

I see them walk around slowly, lumbering over life. It is disheartning. So Endora, your Zippy is not the only one. Seriously though, you could amke some serious cash promoting his reality TV, but he gets to be named Zippy on the show otherwise it won't be as funny.

One can only hope!

Shaman29's picture

SD13 has made a career out of staying up late, sleeping in and eating where she likes.

The first summer she stayed up until 3am and got up around 1 or 2pm. When school started she was a first class grump. Last summer I reminded DH about the consequences of her schedule and he actually gave her a curfew Sun - Thur, lights out by 12am and Mon - Fri, up by 10am.

Keep up on the no eating on the couch rule. Our sofa is such a mess from her food and beverage spills that I finally said, enough. SD13 is a SLOB and I sick of cleaning up after her. She is only allowed to eat at our table and that's it. She tried the stuffing her face full of food and walking away game with me. I held the garbage can under her chin and said "two choices, march your ass back to the table and finsh your food OR spit it out into the garbage can." I had just clean the cat litter boxes a few minutes before and was getting ready to dump it, so the smell was not pleasant. :barf:

She chose to turn around and march back to the table.

I have to say.....I'm thankful for the way things turned out. She's living with the Uber-Skank again and we will now only have EOW, alternate holidays and 5-6 weeks in the summer. I'm so glad that black, black cloud and all of her negativity is OUT of our house!

Enjoy your Zippy Free time. Smile

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine

Endora's picture

When he sets his alarm (on the rare day)-his alarm nearly breaks windows in volume and Zippy manages to sleep through it and DH dutifully gets him up when he isn't working.

THEN

Zippy has the nerve to say to Dh (after we told him he could not play his million dollar subwoofer the BM S'n'M (smoke and mirrors mom bought him for here)-the subwoofer I kid you not has shattered glass in the china cabinet-

Zippy: "That's not fair-you play your tv loud!"

DH: "I pay the bills for your cable etc."

Zippy: Still not fair.

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!