Things I hate about being a step-mom (also venting, lol)
You know what? I adore the idea of being able to say what I hate. I love even more that a wiser woman on here decided to start that thread. I am SO jeakous that I didn't think of it. LOL. But I will, to keep from being trashed by some...list what I love first:
What I love:
1. NOTHING.
That's right, y'all. I said it. Woohoo look at the evil bitch who hates the entire situation. I hope I can become a diversion to the others in the original post. 
Now for what I hate:
1. Living with a guilt-parent. (an otherwise awesome, funny, fantastic, loving, patient, devoted, talented, and honest man)
2. Knowing how she loathes me, because she doesn't think anyone has told me the rotten and vile bull-sh&t she's spatted at family members about me.
3. Her sense of absolute entitlement in any and all situations.
4. The way she leaves menstral blood on the floor in front of the toilet or on the SEAT and refuses to check that everything is clean after she's been there; especially when we have company.
5. Her lack of respect for anyone else's right to privacy or personal space...yet she has the right to violate ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Why shouldn't she? There are no consequesnces.
6. The way she won't let me hold her dad's hand, or sit with him, or share time with him. She OUTRIGHT invades whatever we might try to do. She'll wait until I leave the room to check on the fod I am cooking and then run over to the loveseat and lay across him. he used to tell her to stop; now he "just let's it go".
7. The way she abuses my Siamese cat. I cannot stand or fathom a person (child or adult) who confines something smaller than they in order to feel a sense of control. I hate that she forces my cat to sit on her lap, and then I catch her throwing my cat from her lap 5 minutes later because, "She was bothering me" or "wouldn't get off me" or "is sooooo annoying". I call SD down for treating "the kitty" like that? She says, "OMG, she's just an animal."
8. SD's compulsive need to have all eyes/attention on her. At all times. All the time. Did I mention all the time?! Becuase if I didn't mention it...it's all the time. If your eyes aren't on her and you live in Bangor, Maine? Even if she'd never met you? YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. Becuase by G*d, you'd better be thinking of her.
9. Her lack of teeth brushing. Her lack of using shampoo. Her lack of understanding that deoderant makes you smell "less bad". Her inability to put away her laundry. But really?! It's her inability to understand that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE HER BLODDY UNDERWARE LAYING BLOODY-SIDE-UP ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR.
10. How she tells me I am ugly. I am SO ugly. I am GROSS.
11. The way she tells her dad how bad is is at being a dad: he doesn't talk enough. He doesn't laugh enough. He doesn't repect her enough (even though he doesn't invade her privacy or personal space and tries to undertsand her every friggin' whim). He just isn't ENOUGH. And by the way, he never will be.
12. I can't stand that she has cyber sex with EVERY SINGLE GUY ON THE INTERNET.
13. That I love her dad so deeply that I keep counting the days until she's 18....because I know I am a huge bitch for it. (I SO know that I am a bitch for this...and I hate that facet of my being)
14. That if I love/respect my sons for being good to themselves or me or DH....I have to FEEl apologetic on some level because I'm being nice to them...because being nice to them means she isn't getting what she "deserves". Because, apparently, I live in some world where she can treat me like dog shit...BUT MY JOB IS TO SUCK HER D&*K AND ASK IF IT'S OK TO SUCK IT AGAIN TOMORROW because she is a G*d. ????????????????????????????????
I AM HER SLAVE.
But I love that I can come here and say all the above things...because it keeps me from saying anything like that out loud. You know what I mean, I'm sure. *hugs*
So there's that. And once again I can't sleep. I had a nice night with DH and FIL (we went out)...but I still....can't....sleep. Oy.
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Comments
Hugs
I wish I had some great advice for you. I have no clue as to the situation as a whole but each individual thing.....The only thing I can tell you is to throw away everything she leaves in the floor, cut off the internet everywhere except your room, put a lock on your door, keep the cat away from her, sign her up for camps and activities to get her out of the house, even if its in a pop up tent get away for a night/weekend with your husband, get with your husband and come up with punishment for talking to you that way, whatever she loves...take it away...cellphone? can't bathe, can't have the phone..
I'm sorry for you. I guess the only thing I know is for you to make it a lot less fun to be there in general.
Good luck
"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton
I know you love your DH
And I know you probably know this, but...
your DH is the key here. Getting him to see the light and be a better parent will help you (and him) TREMENDOUSLY. Take it from a woman who is married to a "recovering guilt parent". There is hope. And my DH has THREE, count 'em, THREE once-UBER SPOILED Princesses!!!.
He was guilt-parenting because of the divorce. He was guilt-parenting because of working long hours. He was guilt-parenting because he didn't know any other way. And it was having disaterous results (obviously).
No CHILD should have this much POWER in your home to TERRORIZE you or your DH. And this is clearly what she is doing.
Calling you ugly? She'd have no teeth left in my home. And your DH ALLOWS THIS??? NO NO NO!!!!
Telling HER FATHER how to behave? Again- NO! NO! NO!!!!
This is all about POWER and she is ruling your home. A CHILD is ruling your home. And your DH is allowing this. You are allowing this as a TEAM.
You have to come together as a TEAM and shut this down and put this CHILD in her place. Now.
Sweetheart, trust me. This will not stop at 18. She will not magically vanish at 18. In fact, if you do not come together and put her in place with YOU and DH as ADULT fixtures and her as CHILD (always), this will never go away. Not at 18. Not at 25. Not at 45.
We needed to see a Parenting COach until the lightbulb finally went off in DHs thick head and he "got it" that he was doing a terrible disservice to both himself and his children by not taking control in his home. After he did, it was WONDERFUL.
Now, if only his ex would magically vanish...
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
WOAH, WOAH...
DID YOU SAY PARENTING COACH?!?!?!?!
Gimme, plz. I am not kidding. These things are available? Where do I get one? OMG. Do I look this up under "counseling" or what? I took parenting classes in high school (lol, long ago yet I remeber allof it)....but a COACH? OK. I'm there. We are THERE. Lead me to the water, honey. I *will* drink.
OH and btw, thank you for your response. *hugs* Eye opening BIG TIME. (coach?! I am still excited)
We stumbled onto this woman
We stumbled onto this woman purely by accident. I would start looking under "life coaches" in the phone book and see if they can recommend anyone who works with PARENTS ONLY. Or call your insurance company and see if they can recommend anyone.
DH and I went to marriage counseling, individual counseling, etc. And it was all a total waste of time. This "no-nonsense" woman was the first person who actually gave us PRACTICAL day-to-day advice that we could use and get results.
But I must tell you, your DH must be 100% on board with this and be ready to do some SERIOUS parenting, or you might as well flush your money down the toilet (our Parenting Coach was NOT cheap!).
Becuase if DH sits in the office and nods his head in agreement, then goes home and doesn't have the "balls" to implement the plan- which includes saying the dreaded "NO" word to his spoiled Princess, it's going to lead to WWIII for you and him!
This is what happened to DH and I at first and I was almost ready to kill him (as was the Parenting Coach!) But finally, he started to implement the plan and once he saw the amazing results, he became a changed man. And I have so much more respect for him as a husband and partner.
And seeing the SDs (especially middle SD17) FINALLY put in their place brings me great joy!
Good luck!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Just Breathe....
I agree with 5teensathome. You need to get control of what's happening at home she sounds like a wicked little witch that needs to get checked.
Throw away her underwear. When she doesn't have any left you can tell her why. In my house there is a rule. If it's on the floor, it's garbage. And that's it. Very simple, very straightforward. When I have the broom and I am sweeping you see the kids running after me picking up their stuff because I'll chuck it!!
My DH did a lot of guilt parenting for a while. He still does it with the daughter but now that the boy lives with us he sees for himself that his boy is a bit lazy and doesn't like to pick up after himself. Yesterday I came home and SS had done his laundry. DH was teaching him how to fold his clothes so it wouldn't get wrinkled. He also made him organize all the shelves in his closet. I had pointed it out a while ago and now he just realized on his own that the neat closet we had built him looked like a garbage can!
It is NOT an easy thing to be a SM. More than likely it will NEVER be easy. But it can get to a manageable point where you aren't pulling your hair out all the time.
I'm with the ladies that
I'm with the ladies that throw the skids crap out! I feel if they treasured it or respected it enough they would put it away. So the rule is in my home if it's left out after you leave for your mom's house it's getting tossed! I actually threw away SD13's hair brush a couple of weeks ago and I noticed that she brought one from her mom's house the following week. Funny how I haven't seen it left out since then. When they are here at home I'm on their asses all the time about picking up their crap...they hate it but I hate seeing it left out. If I keep the rest of the house clean and uncluttered then they should do their part and pick their shit up.
My FH guilt-parented for
My FH guilt-parented for years, most of which were the most impressionable IMO. After being in a marriage for 22 years that was loveless and boring and comfortable for my BK's sake, I was in no way shape or form willing to give one inch. No time for SD13's behavior, leaving her underwear on bathroom floor, and unmentionable's in trash unwrapped for all to see, etc etc. So since FH has changed his ways and expects respect and cleanliness, SD13 hasnt visited since before Halloween because she REFUSES to do any of those simple things he asksw of her. Her friggin choice plain and simple, the CB-BM supports her behavior, excuses her 25 missed days from school this year so far, and calls FH every name in the book and then stands there while SD grabs phone, holds CB-BM hostage (sarcasm), and yells obscenities at FH over the phone. Whatever! I can't replace his daughter or make up for her absence right now, but I can hold him and love him and talk him through his pain and anger, and then have him all to myself! BUMMER!! ;)I totally and completly wish everyone could have the same peace I have with this. It's still stressful when the Drama Queen's are in full force, but I fully believe that nothing will change until your DH is onboard 110%!! Good Luck!
I know how you feel. I'm also
I know how you feel. I'm also counting the days when my husbands children turn 18. Unfortunately, their only 13 and 14 UGH!!!!