Heroin and Stepson Ruining Marraige
At my wits end with 22 year old SS.
Recently moved from MA to IL. with extraordinary women, 5 years. Love her incredible amount, she is blessing.
We sold home in MA and purchased townhouse in IL.
Temporary.
At same time the 22 yr old drug addict SS moved in after losing job for stealing and brought his cat/dog and similarly addicted
GF. And their buddy. All using and addicted.
We have three daughters, two my bio and one hers. Amazing girls, talented disciplined and loaded with girl drama.
As I have sisters etc, standard teenage stuff. All good.
After three od's, suicide attempt, three rehabs,two ruined automobiles, and the inability to have my two daughters come for Christmas vacation as result of the addiction and complete lack of respect. Wife and I have become different to each other.
His addiction has taken over house, when she moved him into our bedroom to get him out of living room and allowed him to rehab himself , again, I felt like this has gone far enough. Do not want to throw him to wolves but stated that this was not acceptable.
I left for business trip and a visit to my (our) oldest in college that we needed to make changes. He was enabled, no rent, free cell, apple products and video games and cars and weed.
The change ended up being separated and looking at divorce.
Why do people expect change when they continue to enable bad behavior.
I want this man to get healthy and be who he is supposed to be. For himself! Not for sisters/friends/families/mom or I.
Did I dodge bullet and get lucky?
Be thankful your out of this
Be thankful your out of this mess. Hopefully you will follow thru and not return.
She is a big part of his problem, the other part is your SS. Put the two together and THIS IS WHAT you have.
Your bios do NOT need you involved in this they need YOU to get them out of it.
Very sad.
I'd say you actually got hit
I'd say you actually got hit by the bullet and now you have to recover. It's one thing to want to help your addicted child, it's quite another to move him, his GF and his friend all into your home. I'm not clear how you even allowed that from the beginning? And then you allowed her to move him into your bedroom because that would help him be rehabilitated??
You were too passive on all of this, but in the end, your wife chose enabling her son over her marriage. I've often wondered how I would handle having a child with an addiction, because so many people seem to think they can control the addiction by allowing the addict to live with them so they can watch their every move. I couldn't live that way, I don't think - and I know for sure that I would not support that lifestyle.
Guess this extraordinary blessing of a woman was neither of those things. Red flags go up for me when people describe their spouse/SO that way because it means they are idealizing them and the crash is not far behind. I think my DH is smart, funny, loving, and generous, but I wouldn't use words "amazing" or "extraordinary" or "blessing" for him - he's a good guy with flaws like the rest of us.
I say all that because you need to take the rose-colored glasses off when you start dating again.
I am usually more blunt. She
I am usually more blunt. She is all those but you are correct, flaws are serious. The three girls have suffered but put on brave face
thank you for your answer
Congratulations on escaping
Congratulations on escaping that hell. It is sad that your former bride sacrificed your marriage and all the other kids in the alter of her pathetic POS eldest.
Initially I miss read the state you moved to. Rather than IL I read LA. I was wondering why you were avoiding throwing him to the wolves rather than just feeding him to the gators.
Good luck as you engage in your new life adventure with that shallow and polluted gene pool fading into your past.
Congrats on leaving
Congrats on leaving everything behind and living the best life ever!
I feel very sorry that you
I feel very sorry that you have had to pass through all this. In general, it is very hard when you have a addicted person near you and it it harder when this person is someone who you love. My ex was drug addicted and I think that this was the most toxic relationship that I have ever had. I tried to motivate him to pass over this I even found for him this center https://www.lifeline.org.uk/cocaine-addiction/. The doctors from there worked a lot in order to help him. He ran from there twice and I thought that I need to leave him to choose alone what he wants to do with his life. So I really know what it means. I'm happy that you made your choice.
Yes, you dodged a bullet.
Yes, you dodged a bullet. Stay away. End it. Get on with your life with your STBXW and her shallow and polluted gene pool far in your past.
Do not re-engage with your STBXW's shit show.
Good luck.