Stressed stepmother
So I've never written on a blog or forum, so there is a chance I'm posting this wrong. I guess I'm hoping that this will help me vent and cope with things better because sometimes it feels like I'm just not coping which will mess my step kid out even more. Any way I'm 35 years old, who is trying to learn to live with an 11 year old boy with lots of attachment issues and behavior issues. I fell in love with his father over a year ago, and when I met E he was this very loving sweet 10 year old, he still is however, now there so many behavioral issues that are causing stress in the home. I want this to work and I want to merry his father, and won't lie if it wasn't for how much I love CD, I would have left a while ago. But I'm also not a quitter and I don't want to be another female in this kids life who has abandoned him.
I guess it helps to know about me, youngest of four who who had amazing parents. But I became her of household after my father passed as a child. Anyway, I have made great accomplishment and know everything I've done has bettered my life. But I never wanted children, my ex husband was on board with that, so was the other significant relationship I was in. Then CD came along and I fell in love and he had a kid, and I felt he was worth trying it.
I know I live E but lately it's hard to like the person he is. His father is aware how difficult he is and we do have him in therapy and getting him help. But there are so many highs and lows that it's hard, not to just want to run away. But it often feels like CD doesn't get it because he has the biological bond that helps him love him unconditionally, which I dont...
I guess my only hope here is to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this and maybe find someone out there that gets this and I can find support from you all.
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Comments
Its comforting to hear I'm
Its comforting to hear I'm not alone. Thank you, it also sounds like we have significant others that have the same parenting style, CD has tried to compensate for E's mother who abandoned him at 8 months old and because he was deployed for part of his life and did everything for him before me. Although CD has become a little better now that their is so many academic issues, but he himself has his own issues (to complicate things) that makes their dynamics hard. Its just hard and I don't know what I'm doing, plus there is part of me that wants to respond like a therapist, which I can't . Oh yea to boot I have a doctorate in Geriatric Psychology (adults only :? ).
Yes he was in the Army for 12
Yes he was in the Army for 12 years, two 12month deployments after SS was born but left when he realized being a single father and the Army were not going to work. The BM has never been around, when SO came home she said here is your son and walked away. she turns up every couple of years. So I know SO did the best he could, with little support and the support he had came with a lot of Catholic guilt. I guess I'm lucky since I don't have to learn how to manage a BM and SS, although when she does turn up, (she did twice just by FB, actually her other son contacted SS and she said talked to him a few times) but i got the brunt of all of SS anger. Which I understood and think i managed well.
It hasn't been all bad, as I said I really do love the kid but its definitely been a roller coaster lately and SS is very attached to me.We recently moved to a new state which has come with lots of challenges. SO was blaming his school issues on the move, but it goes beyond that. Does it always feel like your in competition with the SS???
SO is really frustrated with the school stuff, which creates tension consistently.esp since SS has a habit of lying, so the simple question did you hand in your homework becomes a huge issue. This week I tried to stay out of it but that's mostly impossible, because I feel I have to reduce the tension-therapist in me. I'm not involved in the actual school, honestly it feels very awkward for me. As i said never imagined being a parent, I'm a great aunt but i got to return them.