DH throws SD22 up in my face this weekend
I am a hands-on parent. I am not a "stick your head in the sand and pretend it's not happening because you don't know about it" parent.
So I got suspicious of BD11 who has had her cell phone glued to her side, even having it in bed with her. I feel free to check any electronics paid for by me, so I took it and began going through it. What I found concerned me, not to mention BD11 following me through the house trying to see what I was seeing.
So I go into my bathroom where DH is, BD11 follows me and is justifying/arguing.
DH says to me, I don't remember the exact words but here is the gist, "You did this [checked up on electronic activity] with SD22, and you're just going to drive her [BD11] away." Um, whatever. I rarely checked up on SD22 because she wasn't my kid and DH reacted so violently when I did, it wasn't worth it. Let the kid sneak out of sleepovers to meet boys, start drinking at age 11, post her cell phone number on her public Facebook page for the world to see, abuse prescription medication. Not my kid, not my problem. I gave up.
But I DO care and will continue to care about my BD11, and DH is not going to convince me to let her free range like he did with SD22. MY kid will turn out to BE something besides a leach.
I can't even believe he went there. As if my relationship with BD11 has ANYTHING to do with SD22.
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Oh, I did not bite, I
Oh, I did not bite, I pretended I did not even hear the reference to SD22 and I focused on my OWN child, but it did irk me I'm not going to lie! Oh, and I should say BD11 is also his child. Since I make it sound like she's ONLY mine.
Sometimes I do feel that way though, as I'm the only one parenting her.
In fact, I found text exchanges between BD who is 11 and a 14-year-old boy where they are arranging to meet at a local mall. Evidently DH was going along with this, I happened to be out of town traveling for work at the time. And BD11 mentions how if it was me she was asking for permission it would never fly but since it's her dad and he's "cool," he will probably just give her money and let them go. :jawdrop:
He wants you to be the kind
He wants you to be the kind of parent he is. You know what is best for your child. Keep snooping, it really works.
What is up with these little
What is up with these little girls, SD11, my dh's child, has a facebook with bathroom selfies on it and is currently lying about her age, posting that she went to xyz college. She didn't.
I have a BD10 and she doesn't even have a phone. I will go through her's(when she gets one) or my son's phone or anything else.
Your DH is the problem, not your parenting but his non parenting.
Yes, BD11 and I had a long
Yes, BD11 and I had a long talk about two key things:
1. Who you are when nobody is looking
2. Loving yourself enough to not lie or misrepresent yourself to impress somebody else or make them like you. Who you are should be good enough for them
The sad thing is BM is on her
The sad thing is BM is on her friends list. I brought this to DH's attention and he called bm.
Supposedly (I say this because I did not witness the call) BM said she didn't know that the child had the college on their and 2 the picture was taken last year (yeah BM not sure how that makes a difference).
I call BS on both of those because you know if you have her on your friend's list you're going to see that stuff, not to mention, she's 11 and living under your roof (pay attention).
I heard the following stupid
I heard the following stupid comments come out of my DH's hole: "I will trust them until they give me reason not to.", "I'm not going to snoop through their phones, I'm just not like that.", "you just hate skids."
....and look how SD17 and SS16 turned out. SS16 has been doing drugs, having sex and Lord knows what else since he was 11 and SD17 is a lying, manipulative, snot ALWAYS conspiring with GBM and BM to do unscrupulous things. It will be a miracle if either skid graduates at this point and guess what Elizabeth? They used to do the same EXACT things that your BD11 is doing with her phone. I remember when SS was about 10-11, he would seriously sleep with his phone under his pillow, the phone NEVER left his fingers. I used to tell DH that he needed to get a grip on the skids and their phones and that they were definitely up to no good.. but I always got the above excuses.
You better believe that when BS5 is old enough to have a cell phone or whatever the next big thing is by then, he will know that if/when I say hand it over at any time, he will do so. Granted, I don't care to go snooping through his phone every day, but you better believe if my mommy spidey senses are tingling, I shall act upon that. He will only be on FB if he is "friends" with me, there will be no Twitter or any of that drama filled worthless horse shit for my kid.
Funny thing is, I have a friend with a COD 16 year old daughter who lives by these principles. She has taken her daughter's phone when she has felt that something is up, she does not allow her daughter to have a Twitter, she does not dump her daughter off at the mall to roam for hours, does not allow her to spend the night at someone's house unless she has met parents etc. and her daughter is a lovely young lady. Doing great in school, shows horses and has multiple World Champion titles, definitely going to college and headed for great things.
Proof is in the puddin'
Yeah, when the whole SD16
Yeah, when the whole SD16 drinking party thing blew up last year, this is exactly what I "gently" told DH when he was beating himself up for believing SD when she said she had "no interest in drinking", that was when DH said, "well I felt like I needed to trust her until she gave me reason not to" I said "DH simply being 16 years old is reason enough NOT to trust ANY child!" ...... ESPECIALLY a child who is KNOWN for lying, and manipulating!!!!!! geesh!
To me "I will trust them until they give me reason not to" is a glorified way of saying, I will "trust" them because I am too lazy to bother checking on them.
Meh, with these men it goes
Meh, with these men it goes like this
Regarding the skids "I will trust them until they give me reason not to"
Regarding the SM "YOU need to EARN their/my trust!"
DD12 needed an ipad for starting high school this year, so she got one for Christmas, and dd9 got a cheaper tablet.
Both items have wifi, and connect to the net. And you better damned believe I am checking those buggers on a regular (and not predictable) basis.
DD12 had a few imessage conversations that I wasn't pleased with, and we had a big talk about how she's at a new school with all new kids and teachers, and that the ipad is for school so her teachers can take it and look at it anytime they want. And the stuff she has said - is THAT how she wants these other kids to think of her? If she read that on some strangers page/messages what kind of person would she think they were?
She was all "but its only on my friends messages" And I pointed out that the teachers could read it, her friends parents could read it (like *I* was doing) her friends can share it with whoever they want etc.
That she has to think long and hard, and trying to be cool by saying those things is NOT who she is, and she has to think about how these kids don't know her at all, and WILL think she is "that" girl etc.
She understood, deleted the conversations and has been good since (as far as I know LOL)
You are totally right in this
You are totally right in this argument and stick to your guns!!!!!!!!! The wellbeing of your daughter depends on it.
Sometimes your story reminds
Sometimes your story reminds me so much of mine. DH almost WANTED our bios to fail, because CTBB was such an abject failure for so long. and, as you know ChampagneTasteonaBeerBudget is actually DH'S nephew, NOT HIS OWN KID! These men are priceless.