My wife and I got into an argument this morning, which really boils down to differences in parenting styles.

We are a lesbian couple, together 6 years, married 2. She has 3 children from a previous marriage. 2 are over 18 (her 27 yo still lives with us). 

But this argument occurred because her 17 yo autistic daughter was acting like an infant when she was woken up for school. 

For some reason this child believes that she can get away with anything with her mom (guess she does). 

She also absolutely knows that I love her, but I don't play. 

My wife had to be at work early this morning so she asked me to get the teenager ready for school. I can do that without a problem; I pick her up from school, take her to doctors appointments, meet with her teacher, take her to cheerleading and play practice, cook her dinner, wash her clothes, etc. I am fully involved. 

This morning the teenager was throwing a tantrum because she had to go to school. My wife refused to just go to work and let me deal with it. Apparently I am not capable and I am mean. She had to coddle her for 15 minutes before she absolutely had to go to work. 

Meanwhile, I am standing there feeling like a dumb ass. The minute the garage door closed, I was back in charge and the teenager was back to acting like an actual teenager. She took responsibility for her actions, said she would email her mom and apologize for making the morning more difficult than it needed to be, and shot me a heart symbol (seriously) on the way to the bus.

I don't know what to do with the constant message that my way of dealing with the kids is wrong. It isn't  I think she parents out of guilt, which is wrong to me. I parent with the sole intention that they be as independent as possible.

Stepparenting is damn near impossible.