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A Rant: Brief History of BM's Idiocy.

DTK's picture

Okay, I feel like venting some more about BM and the situation with SS9. I don't expect anyone to actually read all of this, but if you like stories full of stupid drama, maybe it'll be entertaining. lol. I just feel like getting it all out there, history and all. Believe this or not, this is only part of the things she's done since DH and I have been together.

So my DH and I started dating in Dec. of 2009. He and his ex wife (BM) had finally split in July of that year (09). She stayed in the house that they'd just signed on for another year, but had a new boyfriend within a matter of weeks of the split move in with her. DH moved in with his mom, which was where he was living when we began dating.

Funny that the very first night we were supposed to go hang out one-on-one (we had been introduced by friends and had seen each other out with them the previous two weekends), he had to cancel because his psycho ex had come over to his mom's place because he refused to answer her calls and assaulted him, in front of their son and her BF (she had her BF drive her over there!!). I baulked at this and almost didn't give him a chance, as I don't do drama. But I did...

Fast forward to mid-March '10, we were falling madly for each other, everything hunky dory except for SS9's adjustment issues (he had mellowed by April), and BM had been served an Eviction Notice from her landlord for nonpayment of rent. This of course was ALL DH's fault, even though he'd been giving her close to $300/month to help with the rent up until Feb., when their divorce was finalized. My future MIL and I had finally convinced DH that he shouldn't be paying rent when he isn't living there, and she already has her BF living with her, plus one of her scumbag friends in another room! He could not legally get himself off the lease, so the only option we could see to remedy the situation was to have BM move out and us move in the last few months of the lease.

She moved out and left the place FILTHY dirty... and I mean filthy... rotten food in the fridge, puppy pee soaked carpets, etc. So we had to do a massive overhaul cleaning that took 5 days before we could even move in. BITCH. All the while she was still hounding DH for money every couple weeks.

So we bailed her out of her lease problem, she leaves over $300 in back utilities for US to pay. And meanwhile she trashes the 2003 XTerra my DH's parents had bought them as a gift and DH had graciously left for her (along with ALL their possessions). Trashed it as in... blew up the turbos in it because she never changed the oil.

Might I add that when she latched onto DH 9 years ago she was 19 and he actually tried his best to be rid of her but then she got... OOPS, pregnant! And thus began the nightmare for my DH. But she blames DH for everything, even though he never really wanted to be with her in the first place!

So time passes, she continues to do stupid, irresponsible things whenever the chance presents itself.

DH and I get engaged in Feb. of this year. DH uses some of his tax return to buy a ring for me. What does she do? Texts "Oh, you better not spend more than $400, because that's money you should be using for your SON!" Oh yeah, like you have ANY SAY in this?? Besides having FLIPPED OUT and left a screaming, crying, CRAZY voicemail on DH's phone because he dared to claim SS9 on his taxes on HIS YEAR (they alternate), he gave her $400 of his return! She would NEVER do something like that!

According to DH what happened when they got "engaged" was that he bought her a promise ring, and she interpreted it as an engagement ring. Apparently he'd spent no more than $300 on the ring. A few months later the "oops, I'm pregnant!" happened, but they didn't finally marry until their son was over a year old. So apparently she feels she can put a price tag on MY engagement ring. Righto, sister, he openly told you he doesn't believe he ever even fell in love with you.

What's even better is that she asked DH if I was pregnant when we got engaged. As if the only way she sees a woman can get married to a man is because she's trapped him by getting pregnant! Bahahaha!! Sorry hon but some of us girls have a little more self worth than that.

Not too much later than that, she started racking up data fees on the phone that DH and I had gotten SS9 for emergencies and to call us. (She doesn't always have a phone). When I confronted her with it, I put my foot down and told her that I don't like being taken advantage of, etc.. She hung up on me, and we proceeded to get into an argument via text, where she accused me of making "assumptions" about her, etc.

She refused to pick up or drop off her son at our house for a few weeks after that because she didn't want to see "THAT BITCH!" (me).

Her BF finally dumped her for good (he'd kicked her out once but took her back) the week before our wedding. We were married Aug. 6th

She texted DH at 11:00pm on our WEDDING NIGHT asking to talk to SS9!! We were already enjoying our solitude at our hotel, SS9 was at his cousins house!! OMG... stupid woman!! At least DH had enough sense to ignore the text.

BM was living with this new guy ("friend," DH and I both think that's BS) before our honeymoon week was even over.

Over the years DH and I have been together, whenever she goes off on these crazy rants via text message, she goes on and on about how she "supported" my DH over the years. DH's version of the story was that she would occasionally, and with reluctance, be okay with him going off to do his music, snowboarding, and other hobbies. She interprets that as having been supportive. And then she brings up a time when DH jokingly told her that when he was a rich and famous musician he'd buy her a boob job, as she was always complaining that one of her boobs is smaller than the other. She actually tries to HOLD HIM TO THIS, even NOW!! She's texted... "And you promised me a boob job, and now I need a tummy tuck too!"

OMG!! How narcissistic can one person be?!

Comments

emotionaly beat up's picture

Okay DTK I read all of your rant and to make you feel cared about read it to the end. It must be like living a soap opera you poor thing. This is all so ridiculous you are gonna have to laugh I'm afraid or it is going to do your head in. BM seems to have a very over inflated sense of entitlement, however (sorry), but your DH certainly seems to have encouraged this over the years, probably a very nice guy who thinks if he gives into everybody then everybody will be happy..........Not happening obviously because it appears to be frustrating the hell out of you, and I can see why it would. I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation, she obviously has some sort of mental health issue going on, who in their right mind would ring at 11:00pm on anyone's wedding night, let alone an ex husband's. To think she still has the right to a boob job had me laughing, but you have to love the fact that she now needs a tummy tuck.........Perhaps you should encourage DH to give in to the tummy tuck and the boob job as long as he gets her mouth sewn shut while she is under the anaesthetic. Smile Jokes aside, I can imagine your frustration in all of this and am genuinely sorry. It is quite bizare, but your husband has to change the way he deals with her and stop bailing her out and he is not setting a good example for his son here either by allowing the ex keep bullying him into giving money etc., poor little thing it sounds like he is only 8 or 9 years old he also must feel like he is living in a circus. I can't give you any advice I am sure you know what to do, but doing it is always hard. Like most of us on here we eventually have to take a step back or else we would go insane. All the very best. Oh! one other thing, perhaps you could keep the postings you write and eventually you could maybe make money out of her by putting them together and selling them off to some TV station as a soap opera. Makes B&B madness seem normal doesn't it. Hope your day gets better Wink Wink

Doubletakex3's picture

She sounds like a real winner. Not. I can't help but wonder what her motivation is to up the nastiness. I wonder what she's getting out of bother you both so much. As they say, you can't fix stupid.

Mom2mine's picture

Kill her with kindness hunny!!! I stand by that drives a psycho ex wife crazier than any snide remark u will ever make to her or about her! PROMISE bc as the saying goes....once a dumb B**** ALWAYS a dumb B****!! but really-she is acting out bc of her own insecurities n the fact that she is obviously miserable...it is sad really if u think about it. I however have been EXACTLY where u r-but my DH decided to have another kid to try n save their marriage....which in turn OF COURSE winded up being the only girl between our combined now 5 children!! (I often tease him that he gave away his only girl sperm to the Wench! Ha!) However-I can also say that I unfortunately disengaged with my skids in order to save THEIR relationship with BM bc I couldn't stand the thought of her taking out her bitterness n jealousy towards me on the kids! Of course that was the wrong step n caused me to become bitter n resentful as well....almost cost me my marriage as well-but I am happy to say that once I made peace with myself-I was able to make peace with BM....which in turn has been MY saving grace n MY household is HEAVEN!! Not to mention that she took time to actually come to the point where she appreciates me being around n involved with the kids now....it did take three years though!!! If she had come to terms with my presence n the kids LOVING me in the beginning....there never would have been an issue...but sometimes u have to hit bottom before u claw UR way back up!! I hope that is not UR case n so I wish u luck my dear-just know it is bc she is envious of u-vent here-not to ur DH n let him deal with her....it will save u from MUCH stress!

SW2613's picture

Our BM thought I was pregnant when we got engaged too! He also only married her after she was pregnant with SS7. He was only with her because he had self-esteem issues and settled for the psychopath as he thought he couldn't do any better due to his weight at the time. In fact we met 3 years before we got together and he developed feelings for me then (and I kind of did too), but didn't do anything about because he thought I was too beautiful for him. Then years later he lost the weight and just threw caution to the wind which is not his personality and confessed his feelings for me. He said that seeing me again finally gave him the courage to leave the abusive psychopath and gave him the hope that his life could be better if he tried to make some changes.

At least you got solitude on your wedding night. We had SS with us in our hotel room since BM hit him and pushed him in the chest exactly a week before. We had to "consummate" the marriage on the bathroom floor. The court even put it in an order that she was to pick him up from our wedding!! Luckily she didn't want to since we had called the police on her for the abuse the week before. Soooo trashy, but I actually had to have a body guard of sorts there to basically just look out for her ugly crazy ass to make sure she wouldn't come wreck my day any further. She also called during the honeymoon, but I got on the phone and intelligently, something she knows nothing about, told her off about how horrible of a person and mother she was. Made me feel a little better, but she never stopped calling or texting or screwing with SS over the phone the whole time so we came back 2 days early.

DTK's picture

Hey, thanks everyone for the support/comments. I'm surprised anyone actually read this post, lol. I think it does help for me to just vent here, keeps me from sounding negative to my friends/family. I was amazed at how similar my story is to so many other stepmothers on this site, it's almost like it's a phenomenon with blended families to have a BM who consistently exhibits irresponsible, self-centered and manipulative behavior towards her ex and the new spouse. As I've discovered over the past couple years, it definitely has some complexities unique to the situation.

I'll continue to vent here instead of bringing it up with the hubby. He already knows how she is, I just don't know how he put up with it for so many years.

I definitely agree, however, that he had a huge part in the creation of this monster. He's just too nice a guy and he got taken advantage of for YEARS by this psychotic, selfish woman. Time to lay down some healthy boundaries, for sure. But yeah, he did allow it to grow into what it is today.