Bm is freaking out!!

I guess she didn't see a pending transition on her account for her pay day -child support- due tomorrow and called dh to make sure he sent it. Dh said he laughed at her and asked why he would pay when sd lives with us. She told him he has to get a judge to cancel it first and dh told he he gave it to his attorney to hold in case the judge demands he pays it even though sd lives with him now. She is freaking out and demanding he pay and that she will pay it back if thats what the judge says. Dh said no way, sorry! Dh stayed home again today and bm is blowing up sds phone. She is sleeping so dh is reading all the texts that come in saying, sd you have to come home now, your dad isn't paying child support and we need that money to survive. Call me and I'll come get you and the babies. Dh is expecting her to show up any minute and try to force sd to go with her so she gets her child support. Dh isn't going to force sd to stay or go, he will support whatever she decides. I expect them gone by the time I get home tonight.
On to the babies - Dr told dh and sd to change the formula and get them on the same schedule. Dh and I stayed up last night with the babies so sd could sleep and I am trying so hard not to get attached. Sd handed me my grand daughter yesterday and said, go to grandma. After that dh and sd have called me grandma. I'm not sure I want sd to leave with the babies. I'm trying so hard not to get attached. I half want dh to pay child support this month just so they can stay a little longer but I know bm will just take them anyway since she knows dh will stop child support.

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hugs I don't have anything

*hugs* I don't have anything for you. Just keep posting when you need because we are listening.

Forget trying not to get

Forget trying not to get attached --it's already happened. You're lucky you didn't have to fight to be called Grandma. I've already been told no way no how would BM ever allow it.

Will SD let herself be used

Will SD let herself be used like that by BM? She abandoned her at the hospital but now wants her back for the child support? I mean, it's right there in black and white, since BM was dumb enough to lay it there.

DH needs to get to court ASAP

DH needs to get to court ASAP to get his CS amended or he will potentially be in contempt. He cant delay on this. Depositing the CS in escrow with his attorney may not be adequate to prevent serious consequences for nonpayment.

Good luck.

I think she said in the last

I think she said in the last blog that his lawyer already filed for a mod and told him not to pay.

I am pretty sure that's why

I am pretty sure that's why the BM in our situation hasn't done squat or even called SS. SS has been at our house for over a month now. She thinks that SO is just going to keep paying until he ages out. We are filing court papers next month but in the meantime, SO is continuing to pay. Who knows what bribe BM will come up with when we do that. She is going to lose it.

Emergency custody change

Emergency custody change order since BM abandoned SD at the hospital. Get a date to male that permanent. Your DH is the parent better able to support SD and the babies financially. She needs to stay with you.

Good luck!

It's going to be impossible

It's going to be impossible not to get attached to two cute little twin babies. Just take it one day at a time and trying to stay positive for yourself.

And I hope your stepdaughter has enough dignity to not let her mother use her.

"we need that money to

"we need that money to survive."

At least there's no doubt that BM is using the money to support herself and not SD or the twins. Know that if DH lets her go back to BM that child support will likely be raised since there are now 3 children to support instead of one. If this were my situation I would not allow her to return since she was technically abandoned by BM. You and DH can help SD so much more.

I feel for SD since she's only wanted for the child support that will come with her. Sad.

I've never heard of CS being

I've never heard of CS being raised because the minor child had a baby. Do some states really do that? The biological father(s) of the children should be held responsible. Not the NCP.

I did a quick Google search.

I did a quick Google search. Apparently some states do.

Texas states that the custodial adult parent of the minor child can get CS from the bio dad of the minor child's baby.

South Carolina actually makes the NCP pay CS on the baby too. Wow

Yes, I knew a NCP who had to

Yes, I knew a NCP who had to pay cs for his minor daughter and her child. sd15 claims to have been raped so the bio father allegedly isn't known and isn't in the picture therefore obligation for support will likely fall to DH.

DH would be wise to keep his daughter in his home and get her and the children set up w/support services rather than continue to fund BM and her BF's lifestyle.

There is also the fact that

There is also the fact that BM will now be obligated to pay CS to OP's DH. If I were them I'd be finding a way to get those messages on SD's phone printed out and to the attorney's office.

"If I were them I'd be

"If I were them I'd be finding a way to get those messages on SD's phone printed out and to the attorney's office."

try the computer apps PhoneView or TouchCopy for iphone

http://www.ecamm.com/mac/phoneview/

http://www.wideanglesoftware.com/touchcopy/index.php

for android:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.aes.textbackup&hl=en

PhoneView includes time/date stamp for every message which can be exported to PDF

The way I read your statement

The way I read your statement on Texas.. the CP gets child support from the father of the minor's baby.. not the father of the minor.

Because that's what I typed.

Because that's what I typed. That's what the article I read about Texas stated.

This was also interesting.

http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2015/03/can-grandparents-be-ordere...

"States with laws requiring grandparents to pay child support include: Arizona, Idaho, Illinois, Maryland, Missouri, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio. Rhode Island. South Carolina, South Dakota, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. Some states, like Maryland and North Carolina, also extend responsibility for child support to the parents of the custodial parent in addition to the parents of the noncustodial parent."

The two examples on that site

The two examples on that site would have the parents of the father of the babies paying CS.. or the parents of the minor paying it in some way if the minor is recieving some govt benefits.

I'm not sure if OP's DH himself would have to pay any increased CS to his EX. Though, his EX might get higher payments because she might get handed the check from the father of the babies or his parents if he is a minor himself.

I agree with other posters though that they need to quickly establish that BM abandoned her daughter at the hospital and that her DH wants full custody.

It's sounds like SD doesn't

It's sounds like SD doesn't know or won't tell who the father of the babies is though.

more from the above

Seriously, spay SD before she

Seriously, spay SD before she has another litter!

I like the way you think!!

"In this case I think I would

"In this case I think I would have skid FIXED!!"

YES!! I talked to DH about SD right after he got custody. We agreed SD would start getting birth control shots as soon as she got her first period. BM was knocked up for the first time at 14. Who knows what actually happened to that baby... I ain't raising no skid babies.

That's scary. I know the

That's scary. I know the Girhippo is a breeder and can get pregnant standing down wind of a male. I'm sure she's passed this trait onto SD (stb 19) so there's a two year window where she could get knocked up and Chef be obligated for even MORE CS.

If BM is standing in as a

If BM is standing in as a parent to the twins she can request more support from DH, depending on state laws of course. It sounds like if there's more money to be gotten then BM will get it. DH needs to know what his obligations will be before letting SD go back to BM.

DH could be liable for 18 more years of CS for his grandchildren.

It appears OP's DH is the one

It appears OP's DH is the one standing in the biodad's shoes in this scenario. I say print out those texts. Get proof BM ditched her at the hospital and said she couldn't go to her house and nail BM's arse to the wall in court. muahahaha }:)

I absolutely agree with you,

I absolutely agree with you, but it seems DH is getting wishy washy and is going to let SD decide if she wants to go back to BM's or not. DH really needs to step up and be a parent right now or he could be paying out to BM for 18+ years to come. If DH takes the reigns on this it could be BM that will be paying support to him for helping to care for the twins. DH also needs to talk w/SD about birth control NOW so they're not in the same situation in a yr. Ideally DH/OP should take custody of all three children.

I'm pretty sure that in the

I'm pretty sure that in the unlikely event that they somehow do tap DH for any additional support payments to BM related to the minor's twin babies, that obligation would go away at the point in which the minor mother herself becomes an adult.. so that would be 3 years. I don't believe a grandparent would have an ongoing obligation once the minor becomes an adult.

that being said, it seems

that being said, it seems that there is a trend to infantilize young adults. CS used to be cut off automatically at 18. Now it's a slow creep toward 19, 21, 24 and up. You can be on your parent's insurance through 26 and in NYS 29.

Some GUBM legislator is sure to introduce life long CS at some point

You know... I could actually

You know... I could actually see some situations where that might be warranted. I know my father has a friend who had her son living with her and the guy was in his 40's. I believe he had some autism/Asperger type issues but I don't think he ever had much formal therapy/diagnosis. She is now suffering from a late stage cancer and her husband has passed away as well. So, where does it leave this man-child who has no job and has no real skill or ability to survive on his own? They applied for social security disability for him, but were denied. Her keeping him "out of the system" for so many years and just shouldering the burden of his care meant that there was little documentation for them to go on that he was truly incapable.

I could see a situation where a child was disabled to the point where there would be no anticipated way they would ever be self sufficient might be a test case of that theory.

They need to get an attorney

They need to get an attorney re: disability denial. Dirty little secret is that certain populations get rubber stamped in to these programs because they don't want any "unrest." Thus the agencies need to disapprove others to compensate--many who really need it get turned down because of the "stats."

Sounds harsh but I witnessed it with my own eyes at work and also in my family.

I told my dad that they

I told my dad that they needed to reapply.. but this poor woman is dealing with end stage breast cancer and they have stopped chemo. She has a couple of daughters also but I don't believe they are interested or willing to take in the guy or take up this cause.

It's really sad. I guess he might be able to get some kind of social services support once she has passed.. but it's really a mess waiting to happen right now.

That's definitely something

That's definitely something DH will want to clarify w/his lawyer.

That's insane that dad can be

That's insane that dad can be held liable for grandkids... in ok if you have a baby before 18 you are emancipated with little problem.

So what happened? Did BM come

So what happened? Did BM come by to pick up SD and the twins?

So what happened? Did BM come

So what happened? Did BM come by to pick up SD and the twins?

DH can play a nasty game and

DH can play a nasty game and tell SD... the CS will be used for the babies as long as she stays, if she goes to BM, BM will use it for herself and the babies will suffer.....

yeah I'm that evil }:)

It's not a nasty game. Its

It's not a nasty game. Its honest. This child is now an adult in my eyes. She has adult responsibilities of taking care of her children. Dad telling her the facts isn't wrong.

"Honey I'm not going to stop you from going back to your moms BUT you can't just come back every time you guys argue. You need to think about you children. They deserve stability and do you believe you will get that at your mom's? If you stay here this is what the rules will be. XXXXXXXX but this what I will do to help support you and the babies."

Be straight forward. Let her know that if she goes to her mom's dad has to send the money there and won't have it if she changes her mind. Let her know he's already in the process of legally changing things so she can stay with you guys and keep the money there. She CAN still visit mom and stay now and then BUT if she's going to be with you guys then it needs to be offical.

It's going to take some adjustment but hopefully with 2 children she can see what's best for them. Who knows MAYBE she'll come around and become a responsible adult that you want to call your step child. Babies do amazing things.

I couldn't agree more with

I couldn't agree more with dontfeedthetrolls. Someone needs to stand up and give SD direct facts relating to how she needs to be a parent/adult, if she wanted to continue to be treated like a child perhaps she shouldn't have gotten preggy.

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