Report Card Results (SSDS)
SSDS = Same Sh*t, Different Semester.
The first term report card for tall boy who is aspiring to become a computer engineer are:
English Language Arts: 77%
Foreign Language (French): 66%
Science: 63%
Mathematics: 62%
History: 69%
Drama: 76%
Physical Education: 83%
Social Studies: 38%
I told DW – repeatedly – that if SS gets ONE failure, I am going to go ballistic. DW was confident that this report card would be “glowing”. These results are almost EXACTLY the same pattern as last year with the small exception that he improved in English. DW only seemed to focus on that aspect of his report card “But he improved in English!” She kept saying.
I told DW at the beginning of the year that SS needs to continue on the tutoring program.
Nothing was done.
I told DW when his progress report came in that SS needs to buckle down, focus on his studies more and not fool around in class.
Nothing was done.
I emailed the teachers and they all more-or-less said the same thing; that SS is “a bright kid whose results are inconsistent and he needs to use class time more wisely. I printed out these emails and showed them to DW.
Nothing was done.
Congratulations DW! Now I’m pissed!!!
I warned her at the beginning of the week that if things go south with his report card, I am going to be an utter asshole.
Well last night, I pulled off the kid gloves and I told DW EVERYTHING that has been on my mind for the past month.
“YOU won’t do what needs to be done." I said "YOU want my help but you won’t let me do what needs to be done. I know what it takes to go the distance. You don’t. I love you, but you refuse to listen to me. Do you have ANY idea how maddening this is for me? SS will be an adult in three years. I WILL NOT support an adult who will not apply himself. And right now SS is either doing jack sh*t or doing just the bare minimum to keep his head above water. And don’t for a second try to convince me that his improvement in English carries any weight. He failed a course and is barely passing the other core courses!”
Naturally my talk caused DW to cry. She’s not talking to me right now, but I don’t care. I kind of expected that.
Oh SS has a ped day today. Before I left the house, I took all the iPads, the laptop and the power cord to the xbox. I also killed the circuit breaker to the TV.
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I am so sorry too. I am sorry
I am so sorry too. I am sorry I have to give DW the stern talking to like I had to last night. I really didn't want to make her cry. But I would rather prepare her now instead of surprise her 3 years from now when I suddenly throw SS out of the house.
So yeah, I hit my limit-break here.
"I took all the iPads, the
"I took all the iPads, the laptop and the power cord to the xbox. I also killed the circuit breaker to the TV." ---- I like this }:)
I don't Normally I would
I don't
Normally I would give DW a head's up that I doing something like this, but I am so mega-pissed right now. I am SOOOO close to going into SS's bedroom and go supernova on it. Rip everything out! The toys, the games, the comic books, the door, even the paint on the wall! Leave him with nothing but a matress and box of clothes!
I’ve told DH I would do the
I’ve told DH I would do the same thing if SD14 doesn’t straighten up. Actually, the week before the weekend we had them, when that whole incident occurred with the two boys, I DID take everything out of her room. I put it all in boxes. We ended up not having the kids that weekend but the following weekend. BM never enforces punishments with SD14 so by the time we got them our punishment pretty much as voided. However, I did make her put everything back by herself.
I can't believe your DW is
I can't believe your DW is taking this so lightly! If I'd ever come home with a report card like that, my Dad would have KILLED me, forget the electronics!
38?? Thirty-freaking-eight?!?!? In Social Studies?!?!?!?! I don't know how you even do that except deliberately TRY to flunk!
Seriously! You know what the
Seriously! You know what the group average is for that class!?
90%!!!!!!
Like what the hell SS!?!? If they pulled you out of the class completely, the rest of the group would have been GOD!
GRRRRRRRR!!!!
Seriously, Social Studies is
Seriously, Social Studies is such a "soft" class I don't see how you get that low a mark without actually TRYING to get that low a mark. I mean, math I could maybe see (depending on what kind of class). Prob&Stat for example, I knew math majors who could lose it on a good "Probability & Sadistics" problem (as they called it (*lol*). But 38 on Social Studies... man, I just can't wrap my head around it.
That's funny because although
That's funny because although I absolutely positively SUCK at math (algebra, geometry, trig, calc) I excelled at probability and statistics! I can "get" that stuff, especially when you start getting into Student-T tests, standard deviations, Chi squares.... mmmmmm, makes me warm and fuzzy all over.
But please don't ask me to solve for "x".
LOL! I'm good at math (thank
LOL! I'm good at math (thank god, since it was required for my degree!) and algebra, calculus, trig, all that stuff was actually fun for me. Prob and Stat gave me nightmares though! I got through it (and actually did still enjoy it and managed my "A"), but I had to WORK at it, unlike my other math classes!
Statistics was the hardest
Statistics was the hardest class I've ever taken. Worse than my cap stone class.
I don't get why it would
I don't get why it would "hurt" DW to take away the damn electronics. I feel no pain when the skids are grounded from something, and neither does DH.
The E-pacifier is safely
The E-pacifier is safely tucked away in my filing cabinet.
I told DW exactly what you just wrote here. SS can have his precious gadget back when the next report card comes.
You know what DW said?
"I don't believe in punishments like that."
You know what I said.
"You don't believe in punishments AT ALL!!!"
and that's when the crying ensued.
Wait? How is taking away
Wait? How is taking away electronics the equivalent to something like beating the child? She says she doesn’t believe in punishments like taking away his electronics until the next report card comes it, yet taking them away is NOT harming the child in any way. I don’t believe in punishments that HURT the child (you know, like beating them with a stick or broom handle). I DO believe in taking away privileges like electronics until the child straightens up.
OMG that crap is SO annoying.
OMG that crap is SO annoying. Electronics are a privilage in life. They are not required to survive or function (espically not a child). Draco isn't taking away his food or drink, he's taking away effing electronics!
*bashes head against nearest
*bashes head against nearest wall*
Yes that is exactly right.
Yes that is exactly right.
To add...
*Apparently* SS is sad and disappointed in himself that he failed that course. So on top of the guilt factor, DW believes SS shouldn't be punished because he already "feels bad".
Yeah I know,....I can't wrap my brain around how that logic works.
"I'm sorry I was going 50 mph over the speed limit your honor and I killed that family I slamed into"
"Oh well, since you feel bad about it, I'll forgo serving a sentence and set you free..."
That's the problem in our house, SS sings a sad tune and DW falls for it, hook, line and sinker.
Ugh! *continues to bash head
Ugh! *continues to bash head into nearest wall* I hate society.
I'm so telling DH about this
I'm so telling DH about this one LOL
I get that line all the time
I get that line all the time as well, SS8 was bad in school...Well he was crying when he talked to me about it so I know he feels bad. He feels bad because he's in trouble and grounded now.
He's still tall. Way to go
He's still tall.
Way to go Draco!
SS actually came home last
SS actually came home last week with a college pamphlet from my old alma matter. He didn't know I attended that college. So last night when DW was trying to convince me that SS does have interest in going to college, I told her "If SS makes it into my old college (AND THAT'S A BIG IF), they'll chew him up and spit him out within the first year!"
In all seriousness, DW
In all seriousness, DW believes that proper punishment for SS in this case is to make him do extra work....
*groan*
There's a couple of problems with this....First of all, a HS freshman needs to study approximately 1.5 hours a day in order to get good grades. The LONGEST I have seen SS study is 20 minutes.
Soooo, if you follow DW's logic, studying the way YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STUDY, constitutes as punishment.
OMG, if my son had a report
OMG, if my son had a report like this I would probably die. Take the lead Draco, DW and SS will ONE day be grateful. So, he failed 5 classes? Or is passing a 65? Cause in our school passing is a 70.
Passing is 60% Well...Let me
Passing is 60%
Well...Let me explain.
In order to pass a grade you have to have the following:
Overall average of 60%
AND
Pass 2 of the 3 core courses (Which is Math, English and History I believe)
SS has an average of 66% and is passing all the core courses so he is *technically* still passing. Mind you, the marks for the first term only count towards 20% of the final result. From here on out it gets harder, so the danger of failing is very possible.
This is exactly what happened last year.
Passing is a 60?!?!?!?
Passing is a 60?!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? Damn that's setting the standard real high isn't it?
My son had a 3.5 GPA for his first marking period and I ripped him a new one over it. He was pretty upset at me, saying I never can see ANYTHING he does as right. I replied with "You are better than a fucking 3.5 so SHOW ME THAT YOU CAN DO IT cause I KNOW THAT YOU CAN!!!!"
I would seriously have a coronary over your SS's grades.
His report card sucks and so
His report card sucks and so does your dw babying him. Good for you for speaking up. At least he's tall.
Yes. I didn't use those exact
Yes. I didn't use those exact words. All I said was that I absolutely will not support an adult who will not apply himself. Either he gets a job and moves out, or he buckles down and tries to make something of himself. DW said that if I kick SS out, I will have to kick her out too. I said, "Well it is YOUR job then to make sure it doesn't come to that."
I'm drawing a line in the sand here...and the clock is ticking.
Actually she was the one who
Actually she was the one who told me that (SS was her only source of happiness after her split-up from her ex). I don't think DW realizes what a profound effect this has had.
His highest grade is 77%. And
His highest grade is 77%. And your DW is applauding that grade?????
good grief Charlie Brown.
No decent college is going to take him. I just hope he gets into community college. Or a trade school. Seriously. Your DW is hurting him by letting this happen. She is lucky you want to REALLY help him out in the long run.
good luck Draco.
Draco I was thinking of you
Draco I was thinking of you just the other day.
My daughter and I were watching the Popeye movie with Robin Williams & Shelley Duvall
It was during the part where Olive Oyl is singing about Bluto-"He's large!" over and over because, well Bluto doesn't have that many good qualities now does he?
Reminded me of "He's tall..."
: )
Dang . . .and I took away the
Dang . . .and I took away the gaming system from my BS14 for getting a 77% in Spanish. Maybe I'm just a mean momma!
Draco, I think you're going
Draco, I think you're going to be single when your SS turns 18.
I take no pleasure or joy in saying that. Your DW is throwing away SS's future and your future relationship with BOTH HANDS.
Would she consider going to counseling? Maybe if she heard the "enmeshment" issue from a 3rd party she would take it more seriously?
Never underestimate the power
Never underestimate the power of wilful blindness.
Who is she trying to convince? SS doesn't care about his grades, you care but 'get' that you can't do anything about his grades. She's just trying to make herself feel better with all the fussing.
If I have learned nothing over the years I've been reading on this site... it's that parenting is not about the parent. Parenting is about the kid. You have to put yourself, at least a little bit, on the back burner - your time, money and energy go into your kid. With the goal that eventually, they can do for themselves what you are doing for them now.
Not so with your DW. She uses SS to meet her own needs. The enmeshment comes from a lack of understanding about boundaries, yes, but also from a lack of respect for herself. She takes responsiblity for SS's 'feelings'... but not her own.
If you can, encourage her to get some therapy - ACT would be my suggestion.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy