i feel for you. at your age, no one needs adult children calling the shots on your happiness and marriage nor your husbands.

for the most part, men tend to self castrate after remarriage especially if they have daughters. your dh sadly seems to be encouraging his daughters behaviour since he has given her no boundaries. emailing him a cease and desist on his wedding day? sd is selfish and wants her daddy for herself and his money. she in not interested in his happiness.

search mini wife on this site for more on this.

you are his wife and not his daughter. since she is divorced sd is pathetically looking for a man in her life and has found a romantic partner in her own father.

clearly this is sick but it happens all the time.

let your dh know in no uncertain terms that YOU are his wife and not his daughter. clearly and calmly state that you will annul your marriage if he continues to keep you as second fiddle.

then carry through with it and have him served. hopefully you have not joined finances with him and are able to have a cheap summary dissolution.

I'm going to assume that your SD's father (your extremely recent new DH)could well afford whatever you witnessed him pay for his daughter over the last almost decade. The man was 62 when he moved his GF (you) in to live with him. Many many years and years of working for his income and assets that had absolutely nothing to do with nor included you.

It took the man another eight years before getting around to putting a ring on your finger. Tennessee does not have common law marriages nor is it a community property state. What was his before that 'I do' was still his after the 'I do'. Any marital 'property' began a week and a half ago. Frankly I'm amazed the man waited until age 70 before making a will.

From reading your blog, I am also surprised that if the SD is as evil as you say she is, that your DH did not pursue a pre-nup before the 'I do'. Your age has nothing to do with it. I will assume too here that at your age (of both 59 at move in and current 67) that you also have pre-marital property and assets you've worked and earned over the many years of your adult life prior to coming into and being the GF of this man. Correct? Have you not drawn up your own will and taken the steps to 'safeguard' any of your pre-martial holdings? If not, you really should have.

Up until the 'I do' your SD and perhaps his mother (if she is still living) were legally considered your new DH's next of kin and would have made any decisions instead of you. Yes, now married you would automatically have legal decision making powers. But up until about nine-ish days ago if the man had had a car accident and died, you would have zip for say. I will assume when your Dh spoke with his lawyer that he is a competent man with all his senses? Regardless of what your SD says and/or wants, the lawyer would be working for his/her client (your DH) and it would have to be your DH who agreed to and signed anything changing and/or regarding this estate and medical powers.

I do have a question. If this was all so sneaky and totally behind your back, how do you know what all your Dh has listed in his will that you state was being drawn up as you blogged. Just because you may have read a text or email from the daughter does not necessarily mean these are the things your Dh , himself, has actually chosen to do, change, list.

Why did not your 2BDh and yourself not take care of all these legal concerns knowing these are important things to have done at your ages and about to finally marry? Do you have any children? Have you taken steps to make sure that if you passed suddenly next week that all your pre-martial holdings are taken care of per your wishes? I'm just really stunned that all of these things were not discussed and taken care of before marrying. As an elderly couple about to finally get married and live out your last chapters of life together and then one day as a widow/widower it just would have made sense (IMO) for all this to have already been addressed.

This is something the two of you should have discussed prior to marriage, but hand slapping you now isn't going to be helpful.
I hear you , this is underhanded and sneaky. Obviously your DH is not transparent with you, and is an enmeshed daddy and he succumbs to his daughters wishes.
Basically what he is telling you that during life it matters that you can care for him, fulfill his needs, be his companion. After death his concerns for your welfare is not considered. Regardless of whether you have your own assets to provide, its a slap in the face, putting financial aside, that you are not important enough to care for after death, even in a small way. Or perhaps you have the assets to care for yourself after death? That would change this scenario.
His daughter is in the prime of her life and is able to work and form her own wealth (or not). You, chances are will be at a stage where your working life will be coming to the end and will have to live on your own retirement or assets. That should make a difference in DH's reasoning.
If you are sharing this house, making this your home, caring for your DH, then I think it is wrong to not have you as his wife willed to personal assets that the two of you share. This is my opinion.
You need to talk with him and clear what will happen upon each others death. I am not sure what kind of spouse would be able to leave a spouse with hardships after his/death if that is the case. Regardless if children are involved. Even after death step situations continue to be a source of anxiety and hurt.
Good luck

"His daughter is in the prime of her life and is able to work and form her own wealth (or not)."

During the prime of her life, the OP should have done exactly what you think the SD should be doing now.

"You, chances are will be at a stage where your working life will be coming to the end and will have to live on your own retirement or assets"

When did that become a bad thing?

This is so hurtful. From my perspective, the most hurtful aspect is that he doesn't think you know and he's sneaking around making these decisions at the behest of is daughter, who seems to be insinuating that YOU are the manipulative one who is after his money... Ironically she's the one manipulating him for the sake of receiving his money.

This is not how a man honors his marriage. He should not be conspiring against his bride, the woman he has been with for eight years now. He clearly knows that you would disapprove so he is skirting around the part where he informs you of anything. I wish I could ask him why, and how he thinks you would feel if he died and in the midst of all that grief you learned that he also did not trust you and conspired against you in favor of his daughter. There shouldn't BE favorites and there is NOTHING wrong with him wanting to be sure that something is left to his daughter, but secrecy like this is a killer of relationships..

You'll hear it from a few members here: about how you married him and should remember those vows, but they always do this and consistently overlook the fact that a relationship is a two way street. Expecting the wronged party to remain loyal and obedient while the other gets to do as they please is the cruddy expectation too many people seem to have.

You are his wife, you have every right to be treated as such. I know certain people will wonder why you would care so much about money but again they're choosing to overlook a far more interesting question: why would a man choose to marry and then decide that the person they entered a union with should not receive anything without telling them?

What would we say to your husband if he came here and told his story about removing his partner of eight years as his beneficiary because his daughter insists she receives it instead?

On to more practical questions: Is the meeting with the atty to completely change the beneficiary or perhaps add his daughter as a contigent recipient? (That would be a good idea, really...)

Synopsis: Mini wife SD38 doesn't want any $$ going to SM. But she'd be glad to take SM's money then piss in her face and tell her it's raining.

So what he's telling you is that you have no future w/him. His daughter will make all medical decisions and recieve all of his assets. You were willing to give his daughter half of your home, wow, please tell me you've changed your mind.

Time to visit your lawyer by yourself and draw up your own will, file for divorce and evict the fool out of your house. Let him go live w/dd, his true wife.

The whole situation is confusing to me. How can you accumulate anything together or apart if you are on total disability for the past 14 years. How did you make Money for the past 14 years? Investments? You says you accumulated stuff for the past 8 years? How did you do that on total disability?

Why did you marry him if you knew he was a bit of a jerk all those years? Buying fancy gifts for other ladies? Hm

I don’t understand people willing their property and possession to adult SKs whom they didn’t raise and often barely know. In situation with OP she wasn’t even introduced to SD yet she is leaving her a house? WHY?

I am not the OP - but I made a fair amount of money over the past 15 years after being totally disabled. I took my pension as a lump sum plus invested money from the sale of a home in California. When I rebought years later my new home cost 1/5 of my CA home.

My DH came into the marriage with almost nothing but social security. But fortunately no debt at all. I had an attorney set up a trust that holds all of my assets. My DH will get a monthly income for life and the choice to live in one home. He will have a comfortable life but will have no assets to go to his worthless son.