DH just converted FSS's room into a nursery for the baby
I'm not really sure how I feel about this.
On the one hand, it makes logical sense. We are very unlikely to see FSS any time soon. His BM won't follow the CO and FDH's already realised he will have to (and is preparing to) take her to court for violating the custody agreement. As it stands right now, though, FSS probably won't be here this summer. I'm glad to have a nursery for the baby; she was going to be sharing a room with DD9 almost 10, but now each of them will have their own room, so this works out better for all of us who are living here full time.
On the other hand, I know FDH is feeling defeated. He really is putting on a brave face and trying to do what's best for all of us who are here with him on a daily basis, but I know it kills him not to be able to see his son. It upsets me because I know it upsets him. FDH is the kind of guy I think of as a man's man. He likes boobies and beer and thinks the solar system actually revolves around his junk and not the sun. Since we've been together, I've only known him to cry twice, and both times it was after he had to drop his son back off at BM's.
Ok, I guess this is just random musing and getting things off my chest. Not really a vent, but still needed to get it out.
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Comments
No sense in having an empty
No sense in having an empty room held as a shrine to a kid who doesn't live with you. Enjoy your nursery, makes much more sense to use the room daily than whenever you may happen to have step kid and your 9 almost 10 year old doesn't need to be waken up by a baby because of them sharing a room while one sits empty.
I think your DH made the
I think your DH made the right choice, but I do commend you for being receptive and caring towards his feelings. It is hard to see the man you love in pain and not having your child in your life must be one of the most agonizing of pains. I think parents that willfully keep children from there other parent (unless there is a good reason backup up by legal proof) should be held accountable the same as kidnappers. It is so disgusting!
In a lot of ways this may
In a lot of ways this may make it easier for your DH, this way he isn't just looking at his empty room every day reminding him of his son not being there. Plus your daughters deserve to have there own room since they are there all the time, a ten year old shouldn't have to share with a baby unless absolutly necessary.
Thank you. You're all right
Thank you.
You're all right and I couldn't agree more that it was the best thing to do under the circumstances. I guess it just sorta took me by suprise b/c FDH didn't say anything to me before hand, just, "Hey Baby, come up here and look at this," when he was done. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings b/c I didn't really react and he did a good job. I *am* happy to have the nursery b/c of the age difference in the girls, and also I can now get a rocking chair that would not have fit into a shared bedroom.
It really is just the hurting for FDH that is my only reservation. I felt like anything positive I might have said would be heard as being gratefull that FSS wasn't going to be here hogging up space or some such, and that's the last thing in the world I want FDH to think I think. Of course, thinking back, now I regret it b/c he was obviously proud of what he did. Oh jeez, now I feel like kicking myself. I am such a social/emotional moron!
P.S. FDH read your responses and also agrees with all of you.
Where will your SS sleep when
Where will your SS sleep when he's there? How will he feel when finds out he doesn't have a place in your home. I will never understand why some moms keeps kids from dads who want to be involved. So sad all around.
It doesn't sound like this
It doesn't sound like this StepMom is keeping the kid from his dad, sounds more like the BirthMom is. Still no since in keeping an empty room when its needed. I'm sure the OP will work out the sleeping arrangements and the "feelings" issue when and if the stepson returns, she seems very concerned about being fair, sometimes some of us do that and it becomes our fault and causes us resentment when we are walked on. Still I wouldn't keep a room empty unless I had the extra space, she doesn't.