DH gives up
A few months ago, I was ready to give up. I was ready to walk out. SS was out of control. SS is still out of control, but at least now DH and I can talk about it. Before, DH was defensive. He didn't appreciate me talking badly about SS. In fact, he got downright pissed that I say a bad word about the little sh**. DH didn't want to admit how bad things have gotten.
He admits it now. SS is failing school. He's disrespectful, rude, and possibly smoking pot. He's only 13!!! He's in ISS today. I saw it on the on-line report card when I looked this weekend. Who knows why? DH won't even call the school to find out. He's where I was a few months ago. He's taking an 'I don't care' attitude out of helplessness.
DH talks to SS every day. Last week SS promised he had all his missing assignments done. SS promised he had all his homework done. SS lied (again). He didn't turn in a single assignment.
DH talked to SS on Friday morning and told him he would be grounded for the weekend. NO school dance. No video games. No TV. Early bedtime. Etc.
Then, Friday afternoon, DH got a call from BB. She said SS would not be coming for the weekend because he didn't want to. DH said, "He just doesn't want to be grounded." BB said, "NO! He doesn't!" DH hung up on her.
SS didn't even call this weekend. DH says he gives up. He can't do anything to help SS when BB lets him run. She's buying the kid's love by letting him screw up his future. That's a big price to pay to be the 'favored' parent.
DH won't really give up on SS. He's just at an impasse - the same one I was at, but it's okay for him to be there. I am just glad that DH and I are on the same page now.
I would like to somehow document how BB has blocked DH from helping SS but I'm not sure how to do it. I want to note everything from her not allowing SS to be tested for learning disabilities, to pulling him out of court ordered counseling. What would be the best way to go about documenting this? I don't why I want to do it or what use it would be, but someday, we may need it. Any suggestions?
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In Defense of Alec Baldwin
Dh emailed this article:
http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=259626>1=7701
An excerpt:
"How devastating for a parent who does not have custody to not be able to count even on phone calls.
I know if I were in his situation, I would be crushed and frustrated, and very likely to lash out. I suspect I'd be furious with my ex, and I'd be mortally wounded by the apparent indifference of my child. I'd also want to go to wherever she was to explain how much she was hurting me.
I like to think I'd choose words that expressed my pain and not come across as threatening. But how do we know how we'd react if we felt we'd lost the one person we loved most in the world? How many of us, in our darkest moments, can express such humbling need with perfect clarity?
He definitely screwed up here. There's no way what he said was OK, even if his daughter at least has a sad piece of proof that her father wants to be part of her life.
I can understand his emotion more than I understand what could have possessed Kim Basinger's people to leak a tape that would publicize their child's pain and make it part of the permanent tabloid record. "
Now, my DH has never browbeat SS in such a way. But I think he can commiserate with Baldwin a bit.
RE:
It's tough to discepline a child and give them direction when one parent is more focused on winning the child's love than guiding them into being a responsible young adult. Perhaps DH and BB can have a meeting and discuss things with SS in a businesslike manner, maybe even with a mediator. She can't seriously be proud of her son for this type of life he's leading. Maybe if it's pointed out to her, she will see it for what it is and where it will lead if it's not put a stop to now?
*~So sayeth Nymh~*