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Tattoo with my step child's initials PLEASE ONLY POSITIVE INPUT

demidee's picture

So please only positive input. Whether you agree or disagree I do want opinions, but I don't want to hear anything rude please.

So, I'm young and don't have any biological children yet, but I raise my step child like she is mine. She is four and I am her primary caretaker considering her Dad (my fiance) runs his own business, and her Mom is a piece of shit who takes her once a week if that (obviously there is no custody agreement). Anyways, my SD means the world to me and I treat her like she is mine. I love every second I spend with her. I know that I am not her MOM, but I am a huge part of her life and she loves me and I am the only real female role model she has in her life.
I am considering getting her initials tattooed on me, and when my fiance and I have our own children, I plan to do the same.
I would like to peoples' opinions on this. I am not doing this to piss of BM. I am doing this to show my love for my SD and let her know how much a part of my life she is.
What I don't want to hear is "tattoos are permenant"
"you are too young" "what if you guys don't work out.." blah blah blah.

I simply want to know how you guys feel about the tattoo at all.

Thanks for your input Smile

Comments

happymostly's picture

I was thinking about doing something like that because my sd and h's initials are the same and mine is too actually. BUT stuff happens and now were getting a divorce! Lol so im glad I.didnt do it, but have nothing against it either.

Rags's picture

It is your body, go for it if you want your Skids initials immortalized in your skin.

I can understand your love for your Skid. I married my wife when my SS-18 was 1yo.

I am not a tattoo guy, my love and support of my son is in the form of 17+ years of support and actions of love. Being his mentor, example, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian.

I think your no negative comment filter is a bit odd since you did ask for opinions.

You already hit on "what if we don't work out" and "tattoos are permanent" issues which I believe are extremely valid inputs and you should consider very carefully before you tattoo your body with the initials of a child that is not your BK and you may never see again if you and your fiance' don't work which the odds are even at best that you will.

Critical input is not necessarily rude. Even if it is rude it may still be very valid.

Good luck and best regards,

hismineandours's picture

So you only want to hear our opinions if we think it is a good idea Wink ?

When my ss was 4, I was his primary parent-truly. I kept him for a year while my dh was in Iraq at age 5 while bm had visits. I had kids of my own and while what I felt for ss wasnt exactly the same it was as close as you could get. I definitely claimed him as my own and loved him. Fast forward he is 13-he hates my guts. Has for many years now. Nothing happened-didnt do anything to him-he just decided that his lazy bm was someone he was more interested in.

If your sd sees her bm once a week-then you are not her only female role model-and if it doesnt matter if you are with her more or not-my guess is her loyalty will lie with bm. She is her mother and nothing will ever change that. She may decide next week she wants to clean up her act and want much more time with your sd or even custody-who knows? that would by my final thought-things are not stable in stepworld-ever. Even if things are great now-in a couple of years they can be total shit. Even if you think you have a great bond and it can never happen to you-it can.

YOU may find yourself feeling much differently about your skid in the future-do you really want to permanently alter yourself with her initials this early into the game?

sixteensmom's picture

She's four. She won't even understand the significance of a tattoo. Shed be just as happy if u hang her drawing on the refrigerator. Take a marker and draw on yourself and see what she says.
Why sd and not bf initials?
I don't have any tags. I can't decide if I want bangs for the rest of my life FFS, much less get inked.
Ssil sd and dd all have multiple tats. With the exception of the two girls rib cages, I think they're all ugly and they were done by very high end artistic designers and cost a fortune, they're colorful and I guess they're artsy but I just think, ugh. Why do that to yourself.

If you're dead set on getting something for sd, get a little butterfly or sunshine or star and tell her it's her special thing and she's with u everywhere u go... I'll never do names or initials.

purpledaisies's picture

L wouldn't do it but I'm against tattooing names anyway. I think that stuff happens and you never know what that stuff is til it is there. She will he a teen and an adult one day who's to say something won't happen and you and your FDH will stay together or that sd will still even like you let alone love you. Not trying to be rude but it is something to think about and read all the stories on here about SD's. Most start out sweet when they are young but turn into something else when they are older. Just food for thought. Wink

ch21's picture

go for the tatoo. we make kids and marry ppl who we do not know for sure that we will be with who forever so whats the harm in a tatoo.
you may make a mistake or end up regretting it but who doesn't have things we regret. its a part of life. if that is what makes you happy-do it. tatoos are not permanent-there are laser that can remove them and another tatoo that can cover an exsisting one.
just make sure u are doing it for the right reasons

Milomom's picture

Sorry, ch21, you seriously just made me CRINGE with this comment:

"we make kids and marry ppl who we do not know for sure that we will be with who forever so whats the harm..."

Yikes!! It's this "everything is disposable" attitude - especially about "making kids with ppl who we do not know for sure that we will be with forever" that has gotten our society, as a whole, nowhere fast.

There are decisions in life that are not only IMPORTANT ones that should be INFORMED decisions, but that also affect OTHER PEOPLE once they are made (i.e. kids born to women/men who just use them as paychecks and could really care less to raise them and actually PARENT them). KWIM??

Sorry, I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one - at least with your reasoning here. It sounds very immature and irresponsible. Too many people just "jumping in" to a given situation without truly thinking things through. Ugh!

hismineandours's picture

My dh bought me a mother's necklace years ago-probably 8 years ago when things were better with ss. It has all the kids birthstones in it including ss's. I dont even where the thing anymore-as things are so bad-I dont like the reminder of the fact that we were once close and have not been for so long and it isincredbily doubtful we ever will be. It's like a reminder of a failure for me. I am glad I can put it away in my jewelry box instead of having to look at it on my body everyday.

demidee's picture

Sorry, that was a bit confusing I guess. I want to hear any side and opinion, just kindly. If you are against it, I just don't want it rudely written as many of my previous posts have had negative comments that just made me feel horrible! But I'm am definitely open to all sides Smile

Dumby's picture

My sister had her Birth kids initials tattoo on her shoulders when she was younger...fast forward 10 years and she paid a small fortune to get them took off....not because she does not love her kids but she just decided they looked tacky.

I would give this a lot of thought before deciding on something like this.

trulove99's picture

your sd will not care one bit, your heart is in the right place but you can only do something like that for yourself, if its what YOU really want, go ahead! don't do it for dh or sd-its not necsesary. they love you for who and what you are, not your markings.i should add that i am a tattoo artist and have many,many tattoos...i do regret some of them

demidee's picture

I really like the idea of getting some sort of tattoo symoblizing her. Thank you for that! I've been in her life since she was 1, and her mom is so strung out on drugs that I feel like she deserves to know that I am there for her forever. Thank you guys for the input! I really appreciate it Wink

Anywho78's picture

A friend of mine did a lady bug (nickname she gave her SD) tattoo'd. I thought this was a good idea...it was small enough to hide and didn't have initials or names...just something that was dear to both their hearts. Her SD was 12 at the time.

Most Evil's picture

I personally do not care for tattoos - for me. I believe in the your body is a temple of God and therefore created in the perfect way he wants it school. I find that a very powerful thought for me. but to each his own.

Physical beauty is fleeting and does not last in any body anyway, unless you die young, which who wants that - maybe better to symbolize your love some other way.

Jsmom's picture

I personally don't believe in tatoos. But, understand some people do like them. My thought is more the relationship may be good now, since she is four. But, my SD15 turned on me after DH and I got married and now lives with BM. I was in her life for 5 years and it was fine, but the minute I moved in all hell broke loose.

How will you feel about this when situation changes. I agree with the poster who said no initials maybe a small butterfly or something she likes. But, do not do initials. You never know where this may go. Her mom could shape up and want a role in her daughter's life. I guarantee no matter what you have done for her, the golden uterus, will always trump you.

Asher10's picture

never brand yourself with initials or names.life is too unpredictable for that kind of foolishness in my opinion.There are so many ways to show your everlasting love for this kid that have nothing to do with marking your body.

stormabruin's picture

I am not against tattoos in general. I have one. I am, however, against names & initials.

After I left my first husband I started dating a guy who was also divorced. I went over to his house about 2 weeks after we met & he was outside cutting the grass when I got there. He was a fireman. He was in shape. Wink He was sweaty & looking good & when I went to greet him I noticed "Carla" scrawled across his chest. WTF??? Turns out Carla is his exW. Suddenly rather than seeing the hot sweaty fireman I couldn't wait to get my hands on, I was seeing a foolish naive idiot I never wanted to see without a shirt on again...& I never did. I couldn't imagine being in bed with him & having his past pasted in my face.

"I am doing this to show my love for my SD and let her know how much a part of my life she is."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My parents never had my name or initials tattooed on their bodies & I never felt slighted. I never doubted their love for me or their devotion to me & my well-being. Tell her you love her. Teach her life-lessons. Help her feel happy. Be there for her. All of these things will go so much farther with her than a tattoo ever could. They will be permanent in her heart. She will ALWAYS have them with her, & they'll never wrinkle, fade or droop. Smile If you just love her, she'll know it without a doubt. There will be nothing to prove.

overit2's picture

Hmmm, well I don't have any tattoos...the bf has several...including his BD name...which turns out may not even be his own kid, and their relationship is pretty strained now...not a good move.

Unfreakingreal's picture

How old are you is the first question that comes to mind. Not trying to be mean but you sound very young. I agree with the symbol thing. Or maybe her Zodiac sign if it's the same as yours or your mothers, that way it can have dual meaning. I have a tramp stamp on my lower back. I can't see it so what was the point? Who knows. I also had my Ex's name on my hip until we divorced and then I went and covered it with roses. The look on his face was priceless when one day he saw me in a swimsuit and said "At least you'll always have my name on your body that'll screw up another mans hard on." I pulled the swimsuit back and said "Sorry dude, you're history." I swear I saw his eyes water. LOL...I'm not against tattoos, but she's really not your kid so you shouldn't put that on your body.

j_harris83's picture

I think you should go for it!! Me and my husband were together for a month before we ran out and got our 1st tats of our names..were engaged 3 months later planned our wedding for 2 yrs and got married on our 3 yr anniversary. Within those 3 yrs we got ring finger tats with our names..our initials..zodiac signs combined that I drew in addition to our names. We got pregnant right after the wedding with our son who just turned 1 last month and jus had our daughter 3 weeks ago. We have been seperated for about 5 months bc of the stress we were going thru nothing that couldnt be worked on.. but now trying to work on our marriage bc we do admit we still love each other. Our agreement is that if we do end up divorcing our tats will remain the same bc it is a bond we created together and it shows how much in love we were at one point in time!! We got em for the right reasons and at that time forever was the only future we saw. So I feel that if you do it for the right reasons and your heart is in the right place you'll have no regrets nomoatter what the future holds, I have none til this day and we see em everyday..were actually gonna get our kids name tattted in the same spots. Good luck on your decision Smile

demidee's picture

j_harris -- i LOVE what you said about how the tattoos remain the same because of the bond you had at the time. TOTALLY TRUE. I plan on this relationship lasting a lifetime, and even my SO and I were to break up, he's a great guy and would never deny me time with my SD. But regardless I have loved and cared for this child for two years and that will never change. Thank you !!