Has the child never had a haircut? Or does dad always pay for it?

Regardless, you're not obligated to do anything for her that you don't want to do. If it's been established that it's something dad takes her to do and he pays for, then if you don't want to be involved, just nicely tell him so. But my best advice is to let go of worrying about how BM spends money - it is a matter that is not really your business and also you have zero control over it, so why even bother when it's just going to frustrate you. This does make a good case for keeping your finances separate when/if you get married, that way if your SO does choose to subsidize BM's household on top of CS, it shouldn't effect you. 

Your SO and his ex have the child 50/50.. either parent is able and responsible for the joint care of the child... your SO pays child support.. but that does not necessarily mean he will have "no" child related costs when the child is with him.

He cannot make her "prove" what she spends the money on.. so you will have to accept that part of it.. and he will to.

What I would suggest you do is tell your husband that HE can pay for and take his child to get a haircut.

Ideally.. a child that is 5050 would end up having costs that would end up being equitable between the houses.. but there is no way to bean count that.

Does her mother have to spend CS money (that she may well use for housing, transportation to her job.. so she can keep a roof over their heads.. food.. toiletries.. etc.. ).. on haircuts? if she doesn't see a need for the child to get a salon cut? maybe she trims it at home? or maybe she relies on dad to take care of it.

In the end.. she probably doesn't need a haircut but 4-5 times a year.. if your SO is giving you money to repay you for what you spend.. and you can take her without it being an added burden... then I would just try to not be too wrapped around the axle.. if it gives you too much heartburn.. then refuse to do that for him.

Dad should take her for a haircut.  Not because you want to be mean to the girl, but because BM could very well pitch a fit over it.  Not much she can say if her dad took her.  

Don't take her. Hair is one of those sensitive issues with some women who get very territorial over their child's hair. It is not worth the potential blow back. If her dad wants to get her hair cut, he can take her and pay for it. 

This is a pretty common issue and no good will come from you taking her. BM's are often very territorial over their children's hair. While she may be telling you SD is too young, I can almost guarantee that as soon as you take her BM will pitch a fit that she didn't get to take her daughter for her first haircut. There is absolutely no reason DH can't taker her, and honestly - he should have taken her years ago. Isn't her hair hard to brush out?

Send her back with gum in her hair.  She might get a haircut then.  

With a cranky POS BM like this, dad should take her for her first haircut. SM taking her will make BM lose her everloving mind.  WIth an already entitled significantly bat shit crazy parent in hte blended family opposition side, this may be one where as SM you want to not be in the fireing line on.

Unless, you and DH want to send BM over the edge.

In which case, have fun!!!

Make SD-11 the talk of her school with an amazing style cut.

How does the child feel about this? I should imagine her hair must be full of split ends an of a length that makes it hard to impossible to brush correctly. I bet she'd love a haircut. However,  it absolutely has to be your husband who takes her.

Do NOT get involved!  SM is ALWAYS the bad guy so practice disengaging pronto.

There is a consensus here. Do NOT take her. This is her father's responsibility and he is perfectly capable of doing so (no matter what he says). If he won't take her, SD should not have her hair cut.

I can agree with the don't take her comments..  I unwittingly took my SD's with me when I got my nails done.. and let them have a kid's pedicure.. ooooo the wrath I experienced for overstepping and swerving out of my lane by BM.. wheew.. 

I never participated in anything like that again.. DH did get their hair cuts done a few times.. but HE did it .. not me.

Never, ever, ever get involved in skids haircuts.  You will always be the bad guy no matter what.

As for the other stuff, try to let go of it or you will be driven demented.

and I was so livid.  She was not the wife but a girlfriend and had barely known my ex husband and kids.  I am an involved mother and my daughter was 3 with beautiful long hair.  I didn't get that experience and I didn't get a lock of her hair for her baby book like I have for my other daughters when she took her to the salon and got it chopped pixie cut short.  Haircuts are like $11 for kids too.  It's not the $200 plus I spend for them at the salon as teenagers.  I wouldn't take her to get her haircut unless mom and dad ask and you want to.  

Now, the responsibility is falling on me to take her with me and my daughter so that way she can get a haircut. I don't mind doing things like that however, I feel like it's HER job and not mine.

-------------------------

What ever gave you that idea that YOU are responsible? The obligation falls on your boyfriend and BM. Be careful, mom may pitch a fit if you as much as cut 1/4 inch of her daughters hair off. 

It is best  step back and leave ALL things about their child, in their hands. Haircut included.

I have to ask, why are you deciding to take this on and everything else for that matter?

Just curious.

I took SD17 Powersulk for her first trip to a salon - I think she was 12 or something, I think a bit older. Up to then husband had been taking her to his barber. I spent a good chunk, took pics, and guess what? It was never appreciated, and the next time her mother took her, and now she cuts her own hair (shes very artistic). BUT just because it was never an issue over here, doesnt mean that I would do it over again.

Two things you really need to take from this post:

1. DONT take her. Its not your responsibility, and it wont be appreciated and at worst you will be the bad guy because BM sais shes too young, so effectively is vetoing it.

2. Child support will always bother you, but you have no control over how she spends it. There is no requirement for accounting, the best that you can do is monitor SO's spending on the kid. He should absolutely provide for her on his time/his home but not for BMs home. Thats a healthy boundary.

So mom thinks SD is too young (ok she might not be too young but that's what mom thinks) and you consider getting her haircut? Why? If mom thinks it's too early? Mom and dad could decide when it's a good time. Not you. And what do you mean "responsibility falls on you"? How? No it's not. Responsibility is on moms and dads. Not you. 

Now if your boyfriend isn't parenting properly and delegates to you, then take it up with him.