Greetings to everyone, its been long since I visited this site, I guess I can say things have been better mostly because DH finally agreed to take SS14 to boarding school despite crazy BM who was against the idea just because she is not the one who actually has to live with her spoilt, ill mannered, manipulative, hateful and deceitful child. She never wanted him when she was still in the country not even to take him on school weekends or holidays. 

I went through sweat, pain and tears raising her child and having to groom and teach him manners and responsibilities from scratch because it seems like when he was staying with BM before the divorce, he was never parented at all.

He tried so many times to get in between me and DH with his lies and manipulative behavior, he is just a loveless child who is selfish and wants his dad all to himself, he doesn't think about anyone but himself, he shows no appreciation for how good I have been to him and how I have raised him to be a skilled, capable young man who now knows how to clean up after himself, I taught him everything he knows, how to wash his clothes, how to clean, how to talk to adults in a respectful way, how to behave, how to cook, cleanliness, how to be smart and neat as a person, how to get himself ready for school from the age of 9. I was even helping him with his school work and you'd think you'd get some kind of appreciation and loyalty or him giving good words about you but no!

Ever since I found out how ugly and dark his heart truly is through the recording of his conversation with his grandmother telling hurtful lies about me that got me emotionally sick for days. I literally cried because I was hurt, not expecting that from him. I thought he had grown up and changed. Well since then I decided never to think of him as my child ever again, never to expect his appreciation, loyalty or inner respect for me but I have not been hostile towards him, I still laugh with him and treat him with respect. 

To me he is now like my neighbour, nothing more. Being cold towards him will only hurt my DH. I have forgiven but I will never forget or ever put him in my heart again. Fool me once shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me. 

I will not bother myself helping him with his school works or going out of my way to do something for him, he is not deserving of any of that. I will not take out even a $1 from my pocket to buy anything for him, I used to buy him expensive birthday presents but never again. I did help buy his school books and his uniforms and everything the school requested, I did that not for him but to help DH since he was held up and unable to do it. I will help DH regarding his son where I can and only where I'm comfortable with it. Just as I would help DH with any other relative of his and I would expect the same from him. I will never trust SS or think of him as my son ever again. 

His mother is pregnant for the man she is with and she will be coming back to the country to give birth next month. I know her coming may bring up new problems because she likes looking for trouble and being a pain in the butt and her return will probably negatively influence SS's behavior to be worse than it already is 

I know there are some lucky step parents who manage to get appreiciation, loyalty and trust from their step kids. I had hopes I would be one of them because I actually deserve that, I can say I have done everything to rightfully earn that but they do say life is not fair. It has nothing to do with how old your step children are but its all about who they are. Even my four year old bio son manages to show love and longing for people he cares about and even loyalty in some ways, so no! age cannot excuse SS's bad wiring. He is just an ungrateful, loveless person, who can't be trusted. I'm not even sure if he genuinley loves his father because if he did he would want to see him happy not to want to mess up his relationship and take away the peace in his marriage. 

I just had to say all of the above because it feels like therapy to write it down.

So back to my current issue, my DH and I had to travel out of town for a few days, we asked DH's nephew (22) to come and stay with SS  at our house for the two nights we wouldn't be home. 

I made the mistake of forgetting to lock our bedroom door and when we got back I realized the way the bed was done is not the way I left it, It wasn't done properly to say the least.

I immediately called SS into the room and I asked why my bedding is done differently and he said he had sat on the bed while charging his phone in our bedroom yet there are sockets and adapters in the living room and in his own room!!!. I was sitting on the bed when I asked, after hearing his response I got up from the bed and said "there...I was sitting on the bed, now does it need to be re-done?" That is when he had no choice but to admit the obvious that he had slept in our room, on our bed. Unbelievable! This child never ceases to amaze me by his lack of respect and discipline.

Why leave his own bed to sleep in our matrimonial bed? I can't say I was surprised I have always known that he has no respect. I warned him before to respect his parents room but guess he doesn't listen.

Am I over reacting by being upset over this? My mom would at times leave her room unlocked while spending the night at work (night shift) I was only 10 when that started but I never dared to sleep in her room not because there was someone to stop me from doing that but the thought really never crossed my mind and I respected her room and her things.

Even my brother's room, if he would leave for days he would find the room as he left it. I was taught to respect people's things, don't mess with what's not yours. I wouldn't even wear my sister's clothes or shoes without asking for her permission because I respect people's belongings.

Imagine if SS had come across used condoms or stained underwears under the pillows what was he going to say? Our room is our private sanctuary especially our bed, how dare that child disrespect that by sleeping on it for the entire night, why? Does he believe he has the right to everything that belongs to his father or is he just stupid, shallow and thoughtless?

I am really not happy about this, to me it shows that he has no respect and no self discipline and so is the nephew who stayed with him, how could he allow him to do that? The whole point of him being there was to monitor the child and act like a parent to him. 

Even if it was my bio child who did that I would still be very much pissed. And I know for a fact if I had slept in my mom's room while she was away she was going to give me hell over it.

It is just disrespectful and it says so much about how irresponsible, immature and lacking self discipline a person is!!