Am I just being Bitchy?
A little back story since I don't post often. I have no Bio's my DH has 3 kids, SD20, SS16, and SD9. I love his kids and they love me so we all get along great. SS16 lives with us full time and we have SD9 3-4 days a week. SD20 comes over every Thursday night for dinner.
I get overwhelmed at times since I am an only child and am used to having space to myself where I can just chill out. We currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment so space is very limited and I don't have this, but we are moving to a 3 bed 2 bath house this weekend. The only thing is it only has one bath tub and it is in the master bath. DH's SD9 still likes to take baths sometimes but does take showers. I have declared out bedroom/bathroom off limits to the kids. I want a space that is a kid free zone. My DH has went along with this, but sometimes I think I am just making too much of it and should let her take baths in there as long as she cleans up after herself, which I normally have to remind her to do now.
Am I just being Bitchy? What does everyone else think?
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After 3 years in the game I
After 3 years in the game I would say no from the get go because once you start it then it will go on forever even if she breaks the rules.
She has to go through your
She has to go through your room to get to the master bath?
I'd say, off-limits except with special permission.
Yes she has to go through the
Yes she has to go through the master bedroom to access the bath.
Nope you're not being bitchy.
Nope you're not being bitchy. Taking a bath is NOT a necessity. We have 2.5 bathrooms and I declared the one upstairs mine, and SD could use the one downstairs.. really only made sense since her bedroom was downstairs and ours is upstairs. Yet, she still had to act like a little bitchy dog and piss on my territory by using MY bathroom. And she'd be sneaky about it too, like when I was at work or DH was sleeping or something.. NEVER when I was there, and I think that is what pissed me off the most.
My SD was a slob and a thief so that was my main reasons for not wanting her in my bathroom. If your SD is neither of those, I wouldn't be opposed to an every once in a while thing... unless/until she ruins it by leaving a mess or taking things.. then game over.
Isn't it funny how girl skids
Isn't it funny how girl skids have to be all over your space?
YSD does that. Sits in my hammock, sits in my favorite lawn chair, sits on my favorite chair in the house. Every where. She's hardly around but when she is, it's like she has to put her butt in every spot that I basically love. Ugh.
IKR?? The first time SD moved
IKR?? The first time SD moved in with us, her behavior was so over the top it wasn't even funny! One time DH, BS and I were outside doing something, I came inside to get something out of our bedroom and SD was sitting on MY fucking bed watching TV "doing her homework" I said WTF?? DH! She has her own room, a TV in her room, why the fuck is she sitting on MY bed???? All I could envision was her snooping through my shit, taking my shit etc.
Then there were the times that she used my bathroom after I told DH to tell her MY shit was off limits... there was ZERO reason for it, other than her being an asshole because she had her own damn bathroom!!!! And again she NEVER did it when I was there.. always when I was at work.
Of course DH would get pissy and be like "well if it was BS6 you wouldn't care"....not even relevant, because BS6 wouldn't do that fucked up weirdo territory shit DH!
Males are possessive, females
Males are possessive, females are territorial.
No she isn't like that. Even
No she isn't like that. Even when I told her she would just have to take showers at our house from now on she was fine. She didn't throw a fit or anything. She is very respectful and doesn't try to manipulate me at all.
Side Note: When I first met her she was a whiny brat. I told DH right off that I would not put up with that and it only took one time of me taking her home and her not getting to go with her friends that she stopped it. Now if she starts to whine I tell ask her what does that get her with me, and she stops.
You are right Echo. But I am
You are right Echo. But I am a worrier by nature and tend to second guess myself after I make a decision.
No you aren't being bitchy.
No you aren't being bitchy. It's perfectly acceptable to want a space of your own. Im also an only child of sorts, have 1/2 brothers that are significantly older & stepsisters that are significantly older, so I was basically on my own. No living bios. So I totally get it. SD can take a bath at her moms, I'm assuming that's where she is the rest of the time. It's okay to want & need a space free of children. I agree with the other poster that said, don't start it unless you're fine keeping it going, as in don't start saying yes to baths in your tub until you're prepared to always have them there! ETA: My SD isn't allowed in the master bedroom/bath or spare bedrooms. She's allowed in her room & the living room/kitchen. She isn't even allowed in the living room unless someone's down with her. She stole from us though, so she's still building trust back.
Keep the Master bath off
Keep the Master bath off limits. You normally have to remind her to clean up after herself? There would be no 'special permission'. I have my own bathroom and DH will not allow the skids to even look through the doorway. SD9 can take a bath the 3-4 days a week she is NOT at your house.
She is only 9 so yes
She is only 9 so yes sometimes I have to remind her to pick up her cloths and put them in the laundry or get her toys out of the bathtub. But I still have to remind her dad to pick up his cloths that he takes off right beside the basket and still drops them on the floor. So I guess she comes by it naturally.
Yes she spends the rest of the time with her BM so she has access to a bath tub there.
Thanks Everyone for your
Thanks Everyone for your comments. I was just feeling guilty about it, but I will stand strong and not allow it.
I guess one of the reasons I was feeling guilty is even though she is not my child she prefers to be with me even over her BM.
I had to ask my own mother
I had to ask my own mother for permission to use her (larger) bathtub.
No way I could have waltzed in and just jumped in.
The SDs still need permission to enter our bedroom/bathroom. However, I suspect SD12 has been using our bathroom when she's home alone. She accidentally left some barrettes on our counter one day...ha. I'm onto that. I'm watching to see if she's using my hair creme...so far not. It's probably too "smelly" for her.
You make a very valid point.
You make a very valid point. And I think this is why I felt guilty about saying it. They have all accepted me from the very being of my and DH relationship. DH had only been divorced 8 months when we met ( they had been separated for 5 months before the divorce was final) so I was very nervous about meeting his kids. It was just like we all just fit. We are a Family and I love it.
We have a beautiful soaking
We have a beautiful soaking tub in our new home. Never been in it. Have to remind myself to dust it. I'm pretty sure I never had a bath in my condo that I lived in for 6 years.
I did take a bath at Disney in the big Jacuzzi tub once a year or so ago. Don't really get the appeal of a bath. It takes forever to fill the tub. Washing up takes about 3-4 minutes (same as shower) and then I'm done and get out. Just sitting there in a tub of water that is getting cold is not appealing at all.
It is the same for bios and
It is the same for bios and SDs in our house - our bedroom and bathroom is off limits to kids period.
NOW that doesn't mean I or SO can't allow it at times but it is our choice and with special privileges.
If you want your space to be off limits I would say set the rule now. Then if you choose to allow skid to take a bath then allow it. But let it be known it's a special privilege and off limits still applys