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What to do?

Crazysteplife12's picture

Submitted by Crazysteplife12 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 12:36pm

I am a mother of 2 and stepmother of 2. I recently had a talk with my stepdaughter that is 12. She informed me that she has no interest in having a relationship with me or my daughter. I was hurt by this and am really tired of trying to build a relationship with her. Basically she only has anything to do with us when she wants something. Wondering if I should just give up completely.

Comments

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 12:39pm

Was she mad at you or her dad when she said this or was it just a normal moment?
If the latter, I wouldn't bother. But I'm in a place where I refuse to waste energy on ungrateful little shits.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:00pm

Well, at least you know where you stand. Now you can just go about your own life and not waste your energy. As the PP said, it will get worse.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:03pm

I understand your hurt. My Skids did not say it, but their actions screamed it. At first I thought it was a simple loyalty issue. The more I desengaged the worse it got.

SD20 pretty much told DH she was only interested in spending time with him. Rarely asks about SD12.

Ss15 sees dh during the week only, and refuses weekend visitation

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:09pm

Ooops forgot:
I would encourage the relationship witg dh and if you do family things during her time with you.

My grandmother (step) had a very good philosophy: you do not have to like him, you do have to respect him. If you can't like him, take nothing from him. So if you forgot to ask me for lunch money, gas money or a ride- do NOT ask him. You will accept nothing from him

Crazysteplife12's picture

Submitted by Crazysteplife12 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:11pm

She is mad at me blames me for everything wrong in her life. The fact that her dad doesn't trust her, that she gets in trouble all the time, and her grades. It hard for me to just not care but apparently I'm wasting my time. I'm not a pushover and I don't let any of the kids get away with breaking the rules. She is very disrespectful and selfish. The only time she talks to me or my daughter is when she wants to borrow something or go somewhere.

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:34pm

So your response should be "that's fine, you do not need to have a relationship with either of us. Unfortunately for you, that doesn't change the fact that you will be held to the rules. The only difference will be is that I will no longer lend you anything or take you anywhere."

Crazysteplife12's picture

Submitted by Crazysteplife12 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:58pm

Thanks it really helps talking to people who understand what I'm going through. Dont know how their dad would react to not taking her anywhere but I will not buy her a thing

Crazysteplife12's picture

Submitted by Crazysteplife12 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:04pm

Also my 8 yr old daughter doesn't see what my stepdaughter is doing . She lets her borrow whatever even though she wants nothing to do with her. My daughter says that's my sister and I want her to like me.

CrazieCoconut86's picture

Submitted by CrazieCoconut86 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:07pm

It is her dad's job to take her places, especially if she is being disrespectful to you.

Go with the motto a lot of step parents on here go with... "Not my kid, not my problem."