Vacation Planning
So DH and I agreed that we'd take the SDs somewhere this summer for a shorter, local vacation.
Somewhere fun that has a lot to do and then on the way back we can stop at a nicer place for he and I.
It would be affordable and the SDs would have fun....they are pretty good travelers now that they are older so it's not an issue like it was before.
So I start scanning on line prices since we now have the dates set.
It's a VERY popular summer destination and books up super early.
I want to get good prices for us (I don't mind chipping in for this annual thing) so realize very quickly yesterday that we need to book NOW since most places are already booked (70% of hotels in the area are full up already for August).
At dinner DH says he'd like to look at places.
So he clears the table, gets me the laptop and I start looking and letting him know what I'm finding...he makes a couple comments about how last time we did a summer trip we didn't have to book so early (Um, we didn't go to THIS place and there was more availability...not the same) and bah humbug. Then he doesn't even look at a great place I found, affordable, on the beach, with a pool AND two blocks from the town...he walks away and turns on the TV.
I very carefully close the laptop, pick up and put away my notepad and pen and watch a show with him.
I'M DONE.
Over and OUT. He wants to do a vacation with the SDs, and doesn't want to help, then nope, he can do it and let me know if he wants input. I think he's stressing about spring break (next week) because he has nothing planned and is short of $...well, I offered weeks ago to help him find some things to do (I found one that's great!) and he's done nothing.
I do not plan or coordinate for all four of us if he's not going to put in at least 50% effort or more.
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Sounds like he maybe doesn't
Sounds like he maybe doesn't have money at all to do this.
I would just put it on the back burner and when time gets closer, he can figure out what to do when everywhere is booked.
"At dinner DH says he'd like
"At dinner DH says he'd like to look at places. So he clears the table, gets me the laptop and I start looking... he walks away and turns on the TV."
wtf? is he pms'ing? stressed out about something? or just wanting you to do it FOR him?
Good points everyone. I love
Good points everyone. I love this site.
I think he's stressed about money.
He hasn't had the greatest time this year with his contracting work (tech industry) so I know that's slow. But I talked with him about that already and the hotels there offer 100% refund/very liberal cancellation policies, since they can book readily if someone cancels. It's a drive, little $ needed for food and entertainment.
BUT - I am going to discuss it with him again maybe on the weekend to see how he's feeling about it. If he doesn't want to do it then we won't. I was looking forward to it because I haven't had much time off at all since August of last year. I may have to do a vacation by myself if we don't go.
I think sometimes with men
I think sometimes with men you have to be pretty direct with what you are trying to accomplish.
You tell him you want to talk about planning the trip and he zones out because he doesn't want to get into a whole big production of discussing the relative merits of each place etc... It also reminds him he's semi-broke and he doesn't want to face that or get himself obligated to something he might not be able to afford.
I would approach him with the very direct question.
Do you want to take a vacation to X later this year with the kids? He gets to answer yes or no.
Ok, if you want to do that, we have to book now or else there may not be any availability when we need to go. Most places allow cancellations with no penalty and we don't have to put any money down. Do you want me to pick the hotel, or are you interested in looking at options?
His answer is likely "you go ahead and pick something.. you know what I like".
Men and women are wired differently. We like the shopping experience, the turning over every bit of information about each place in our minds and fantasizing about our trip. To us, that's half the fun of the vacation, the planning and the anticipation.
Guys? They are the hunters. They hunt the trip (go online and do a search for certain dates in a price range), they kill it (book it) then they eat it. They don't really care to compare and discuss all the options with the other meat eaters in the group. You want a vacation? They will give it to you.. no questions asked or needed.
Is he a planner? I am a HUGE
Is he a planner?
I am a HUGE planner. I've discovered that those who are not really planners, just can't get into planning a trip a year or months in advance. We are going on a cruise with my sister's family in July. My sister and BIL HATE planning. All they want to know are dates and prices. They only things they cared about were sailing on a new ship, not going to crappy islands and not spending 8 nights in a shoebox.
If you enjoy doing the research/planning AND he will support your decisions/appreciate the effort you put into this, then why not handle the footwork yourself?
If he isn’t a planner AND will bitch & moan what the choices you make, then dump it all in his lap.
We usually split the trip
We usually split the trip planning pretty evenly.
It's unusual for him to get all removed about helping, he loves to travel.
We're doing almost a stay-cation. It's less than a day drive to where we are going.
Unfortunately, most things in the immediate are where we live are $$$$ because our city is a summer destination so it's actually cheaper to go somewhere else.
He's supposed to be doing a real "stay-cation" with the SDs next week for spring break but he has nothing solid planned.
DH is either all fired up about something and just does it in a whirl or nada, nothing. I have to let him do nothing and not direct everything which just PO's both of us.
My DH leaves all the planning
My DH leaves all the planning and decisions for vacations/ get-aways to me. He gets very bored with the whole planning process very quickly.
I don't take it personally, however, I also don't include his spawn. We have only went away with YSS and he just happened to tag along. We were going whether he went or not. But if I was trying to plan a mini vacation for DH and his kids (again, would never happen) I would be a little bummed if he didn't at least give me his opinion.
If your DH doesn't seem excited about it, how can he expect you to be excited about it.
I would put the computer up and never mention another word about it.
If your DH comes to you later on and suggests a last minute (and way more expensive) holiday I would refuse to chip in.
Make it clear you attempted to schedule a fun and efficient holiday and he failed to assist so now your extra funds are gone and you don't feel the need to spend a ton of money because he procrastinated.
DH likes to plan vacations so
DH likes to plan vacations so this is a bit of a conundrum for me.
I'll talk with him, but I'm not picking up any further planning unless he participates.
I plan enough stuff around my schedule, the house, and getting together with mutual friends and won't add on more.
"...If your DH comes to you later on and suggests a last minute (and way more expensive) holiday I would refuse to chip in. Make it clear you attempted to schedule a fun and efficient holiday and he failed to assist so now your extra funds are gone and you don't feel the need to spend a ton of money because he procrastinated...."
THIS is exactly what I am afraid will happen if we don't plan it now. I'm borrowing this language for our talk.
What about this.... You tell
What about this....
You tell DH, I've booked and paid for the hotel in X destination, we leave here on this day and we are back on that day,
We have a room and the girls have an joining room.... now DH what you are going to do with the girls during the couple off days is up to you....
You just plan your own thing, some cocktails, nice book, and the beach....
Good one. I'm contemplating
Good one.
I'm contemplating options this weekend.
DH is planning a Europe trip in November already (for he and I to visit his family)...think he wants to use his funds for that not this summer. But need to discuss w/him b/c the summer trip can be CHEAP if we plan appropriately. SDs really looking forward to it too.