it's taken me some time to work out how to say all this because it was a lot of information at once.

DH basically had it out with YSD15 about her constant mask wearing in our home (and in our yard - outside) AND her p*ss on the toilet seat (shocker - it had continued and DH was done with it). He did GREAT people. It was like the time when OSD stepped over the line and DH suddenly became a parent.

* YSD tried to blame her mask wearing on the fact I had a neighbor over for a couple hours on Saturday with no masks.

Counter:  Neighbor is vaccinated, she was seated 6 feet away, windows/french doors were open, I've been forced isolating for over a week with injury, neighbor is one of the THREE people in our 'pod' so what is the actual issue?

* But we aren't following the COVID guidelines

Counter:  Yes, we are, we've been extremely careful (DH outlines guidelines, reminds her again of where I work and that I am up on all guidelines because of this), etc.  Does she wear a mask at BMs?  Of course not!  Why not?  Are you there all the time? No?  So why are we the "dangerous" house and it's "safe" at BMs? So why did DH get a snarky/passive aggressive email from BM with a reminder that we need to follow the guidelines?  YSD, did you talk with BM about this rather than us? 

* YSD talked with OSD17, not BM!

Counter:  ....ok then, but you need to come to ME for situations in our home.

* YSD should have been consulted before anyone came over.

Counter:  NO. That will not happen, we are the adults you are the child. We make day to day decisions and you are not always going to be consulted about adult decisions.  And you were wearing your mask before this visit even happened, so this is not the reason, it's bigger than that and recent - what is going on?

* But DH rides his bike without a mask.

Counter:  Excuse me?  Where does he ride? With other people? No. In unpopulated areas? Yes. Does he carry a mask if he needs to go through town? Yes and he uses it.  And how is exercising w/out others, alone, against Covid guidelines?  In fact, the birthday/group meeting YOU, YSD, want to go to tomorrow, is precisely what you should NOT be doing. Have you discussed how everyone is protecting themselves and family from exposure, wearing masks appropriately, vaccinated, etc?  No?  Well, you shouldn't go if you think this home is so dangerous - THAT is vastly more of a risk that we ever have been. YOU are the wild card, YSD, not us....etc.

Moved on toilet issue:

Basically she's afraid to sit down because of germs. "Dangerous" dirty house we have here apparently. She's "trying" to get better at this - wasn't clear about what 'get better' meant. DH says, apparently it's not working because it's been happening for a long time now and again recently and he's sick of 'cleaning her p*ss up." And related this to the Covid fear - taking it to an extreme that's effecting her and others around her. Made it clear that p*ss leaving will not be tolerated in this house any longer. It's done.

Then he followed up with letting her know he loves her and that she's smart and that he wants her to be well and a good person. To her credit she stuck around for the whole thing unlike OSD who would have screamed and yelled and ran to her room to call BM. She cried througout it.  DH did let her go but only on the caveat that she remove her mask in our home since we ARE Covid free and there's no risk here.

She's supposed to come back tonight, going back to BM's tomorrow evening.  We'll see if she does.  I told DH he did very good, didn't lose his temper, didn't let her get away with no answers or incorrect information.  He didn't get sucked into the BM/OSD blame game. He also told me he thinks she's scared of me because she's refusing to come into the house until he's there - standing outside the door until he opens it...let him know THAT is OSDs influence; I could see through her and called her out on things, just like I do with YSD. DH agreed but doesn't want me to stop. So that's good - YSD tries not to be alone with me and this explains why.  Yeah, 'cause I'm so mean I don't think the SDs are the center of the universe.