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Dentist and SD11

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 07/02/2015 - 9:32am

As we know, many SKs don't brush teeth. Neither does SD11. Well if she brushes once a week she doesn't use toothpaste of any kind. I have noticed her teeth starting to yellow but I don't approach this topic at all with her or DP. Just letting it play out.

So. Yesterday DP is chatting with SD11 about her dentist appointment the day before. She must now be going quarterly not just twice a year btw. She said her teeth still hurt, over 24 hrs later. I.e her gums are messed up.
DP asked her if she used fluoride toothpaste. No, because toothpaste is gross. DP asked me if we had fluoride toothpaste for the girls. I looked at him like he had three eyes and both me and SD9 said yes! Three flavors...(SD9 likes to brush).

DP then asks SD11 if she would like a water pic. Because you know, that substitutes for brushing teeth and using toothpaste. God knows he couldn't stand there and MAKE SURE she brushes her teeth like she's 5, because she acts like it. He is amazingly good at not wanting to upset SD11 at any cost, God forbid she gets mad at him. I can't wait till she's 14. And I will watch her dental escapades with bated breath. Hers is going to stink bad....probably already does but I don't get that close.

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Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 07/02/2015 - 12:28pm

He had very little parental supervision from what I can gather from his older and younger sister. He was the middle child caught between a mom who was partly disengaged and a dad who rarely had contact with him. He had no rules and did not have to really answer to anyone. He still has issues to this day with his childhood; he's not too bad now but for his interactions with SDs.

Yes, he does tend to placate, especially SD11, with things. She apparently was old enough to witness some pretty bad stuff during his divorce (she was in therapy for a while too) and I think there's a lot of guilt there about that (divorce was initiated by BM, not him), that he wasn't there. SD9 is much, much more independent, she's not coddled quite so much. He's almost afraid of SD11.
I pointed that out to him during our Kitchen Aid conversation and he didn't deny it.

We have purchased several good books about step-families, kids, etc. and we'll get about 1/4 way into them (three now) and he'll get overwhelmed. Basically they say the same thing I do; you need to give them responsibility, hold them accountable, rules are necessary...he just doesn't want to hear it. We were doing the dishes last week and he mentioned something about SDs not doing something like cleaning up the bathroom. I said, DP, you need to TEACH them how! His literal answer: "Isn't in common sense?" No! Cleaning a bathroom needs to be taught! OMG.

He actually does show lots of affection to them, he's really great about that. He's verbal and kind and they feel very safe with him. However I am concerned, SD11 especially, is becoming entitled (he even says to her sometimes, "When did you become the princess?" when she doesn't want to do something, uh, hello DP?), arrogant and lazy lazy lazy. Not to mention she smells and I suspect she's also anemic. He needs to stop with doing whatever they want to do just because it stops them from whining or getting mad (they DON'T whine to me at all) because it's easier.

He didn't know rules and he doesn't think they are necessary because HE'S just fine after all.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 07/02/2015 - 1:29pm

Yes, I am worried about her and dating and getting in with the 'wrong' crowd.
She's super smart and loves school. DP is highly aware about getting her into after-school activities next year (middle school) and he's at least all over that.

SD11 clearly has the power over DP and she knows it.
DP not so much, after all, she's "just a kid." :O

She is surely college-bound at some point as long as she keeps her interest in learning and wanting to excel at school. I think she needs chores, a job around the house of some kind, doing something that's NOT fun and learning to stick with it. Even her teacher from last year stated her weakness, in school, was being able to do something without whining if she didn't want to do it.
I think her friends will get sick of it eventually too.
The friend who whines, who is very picky about eating so everyone has to cater around her, who smells, who doesn't want to do anything except what SHE wants to do....