I'm blessed in that my SO is a great partner 95% of the time. The other 5% of the time we usually have a problem because he says something like "well you shouldn't feel that way". This irks me to no end.

Sometimes when this happens, I am making a bigger deal out of something than is necessary. But we have had discussions about the fact that even if I make a big deal out of a small issue, in the moment, I DO feel a certain way. It's not a matter of how you should feel, but a matter of what you do feel.

In my situation, usually we can hash it out by talking about the situation in a calm manner. He is able to come to the understanding that even though it's an issue that wouldn't bother him, it bothered me and I need my feelings validated. He can then say "While 'issue x' doesn't present a problem to me, I see that you are feeling upset. What can I do to help fix this?"

Stop doing it. When I brought it to DH's attention that SS wasn't doing his chores (it was frequent) DH got pissy and said "Stop riding his a** he'll do them eventually" OH okay. So I stopped doing it. If SS didn't do it, it didn't get done. This was when DS5 was 3. One of SS's chores was to clean the bathroom the boys shared. DS was never in there unattended. So it was always SS's mess. When it became smelly I started bathing DS in our bathroom. One day DS was trying to drag his potty chair into our bathroom while DH was in there shaving. He asked him what he was doing and DS said "I can't go peepee in there daddy the bathroom is stinky" DH went in there and went ballistic. He was ranting about it and I said "Hey you said SS would do his chores eventually. I guess "eventually" hasn't arrived yet." (I think like a month had gone by) DH was not happy to have his words thrown in his face. DH is now in charge of making SS do his chores and he rides his a** worse than I did.

This is exactly was has been happening at my house over the past few days. DH keeps making excuses so he doesn't have to get into a pissing match. DH has worked without a day off and when he gets home he doesn't want to hear about what SDstb13 didn't do. She lied to our faces last night and he blew up at her! Finally! He still didn't punish her for lying even though I told him I was still pissed from last night. She has done maybe 4 out of 15 chores, but finally managed to get her dirty ass into the shower. It's been since Tuesday for her last shower. Creepy and just gross. I couldn't look at her at dinner. She's morphed from and angel into an "It" this summer. Damn shame.

~ Moon

My dh use to compare notes all the time. Well years have passed and my kids are successful accomplished adults. His kids not so much. So I had the last laugh. Sad thing is neither he or I "won". We both agree if we could go back in time we would never had married. We would have seen each other over the years till the kids grew up. Not.worth.it.

My DH compares our kids. When I try to talk to him about SS and somethings he is doing he always replies with what my kids do wrong. He is right, none of them are perfect, but I can correct and discipline my kids, but am not allowed to discipline SS12. Which would be OK if my BS were not also 12 and I did not have all of the kids with me all day everyday in the summer ( I teach and am off work in the summer) and during the school year did not have to get up and get the kids up and take them to school with me and bring them home with me and when DH comes in from work homework is expected to be complete and super is on the table. Then when SS's grades slip, it becomes my fault, when SS will not get up in the morning when I tell him to, it is my fault first and then, well BD does not always get up on time. Which is true, but I can give consequences to BD to fix the problem, but I cannot consequence SS, so why should he do anything I say. And really and truly all of our kids are pretty good kids, just that DH has created such a chasm between them, I start to resent SS, but really all of the issues are DHs fault. He should let me treat all of the kids alike.