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SD with no BM

confusedmomma918's picture

Submitted by confusedmomma918 on Wed, 10/10/2012 - 9:10pm

My SD does not know her BM. Her BM left her when she was a little over a year old, and to her I am BM.

There is always the chance that BM will try to come back in the picture, and we will cross that road if we come to it, but then there's always the chance she won't. She has had no contact with SD for almost 3 years.

At what age do children start to realize that you are or are not BM? I am by no means trying to pretend or lie and make her belive I am BM, in fact for the longest time I would not let her call me momma b/c we were not sure if BM was going to come back and I did not want to confuse her. My hubby would like for her to call me momma since I have been her mother figure most of her life.

Does anyone know when this question begins to arise with little ones?

Comments

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Wed, 10/10/2012 - 10:07pm

I'm curious why after 3 years her rights haven't been terminated? Isn't it a year in with someone willing to adopt this can be done? Is this something you have looked to doing or are even interested in? You are in fact mom your no different than a woman who adopts a young child in this case I see no reason for her not to call you mom as that is what you are and after 3 years she would see her as a stranger she doesn't even know.
I'm really surprised at the amount of BM's I see abandoning kids these days or is it just we have more access to seeing it?

confusedmomma918's picture

Submitted by confusedmomma918 on Wed, 10/10/2012 - 10:15pm

I would definately LOVE to adopt my SD, I adore her to death!!! We have looked into it a little bit and we would have to have BM sign a release of rights (not that she really has any at this point), thing is, we don't know where BM is??

Also my SDs great grandmother has sent us a few notes saying that someday BM will be back to repair her relationship with SD.... REALLY!??

Annanymous's picture

Submitted by Annanymous on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 1:36am

Your lawyer can post in the newspaper in the suspected town of residence and after six weeks of notice, parental rights can be terminated if there is no contact or support of the child in any fashion for over six months. This happened with some foster kids where we terminated parental rights and allowed them to become available for adoption by their foster parents or family member. *Duration of time may vary by state*

I am supposed to adopt my SD13, with BMs blessing and willingness to sign, but we have to save up the money for it.

Best wishes.

Mine called/calls me Mom/Momma too, but when she was little I explained baby coming from Mommy's uterus and how she can from BMs uterus and how someone grows up to be who they are by who made them as a birth mommy and birth daddy but also who raised them as their dad and mom and how that makes a kid special and who they are. I always was very clear to her who BM was and who I was.

bt-sped-gf's picture

Submitted by bt-sped-gf on Thu, 10/11/2012 - 11:01am

In my state (NE) if the parent has not made contact or attempted to make contact in the last 12 months, A judge will terminate their rights as long as there is someone who wants to adopt. I would look into that where you live. Initial consultations with attorneys are free.