So Selfish...
Today is my DH's bday. He asked to sleep in this morning so I woke SD11 up. She asked that we wake her up early because she didn't finish her homework last night. I went in there at 5 and told her she needed to get up. I saw her walk down the hallway. I went back in my office and went back to work. At 6, the other three started getting up. I went in the kitchen to make breakfast for DD4. As I am walking back toward the kitchen, I notice that SD11 is sleeping. I went and asked her why she was still in bed. She told me she didn't feel like doing her homework and went back to sleep. I told her to get up and get ready for school. DH got up at 6:30 and SD11 was still sleeping. He went in and told her to get up. She did get up and stumbled into the kitchen. He told her that she had to get dressed and make her bed since she leaves at 7:30. He starts to get ready for the day. He keeps reminding her to get moving. So, we get to 7:15 and she is dressed but hasn't done her hair or had breakfast. She starts screaming at DH about how is all his fault that she isn't ready. She is slamming things around and yelling. He asked her to stop screaming, as no one had yelled at her. At this point, I took the other kids in my office.
Of course, she continued to slam things and scream about how its our fault she didn't get up sooner. I tried to keep the other kids busy, but We could still hear them down the hallway. He finally told her that she needed to leave for school because he wasn't going to listen to her any more. So she grabs her stuff and stomps to the front door. As she is leaving, she turns and yells. "I don't care if it is your birthday because you are an asshole." And then she slams the front door.
DH came into my office a few minutes later. He is acting like it didn't bother him, but it did. I am so angry at her for being such a spoiled brat. But, I am not going to say anything. I will just try to make the rest of the day better.
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Does she normally behave like
Does she normally behave like that? It sounds like odd behavior.
As she is leaving, she turns
As she is leaving, she turns and yells. "I don't care if it is your birthday because you are an asshole." And then she slams the front door.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And there is where my Mom or Dad would have beat my ass. So that is why I never said anything like that.
Don’t be mad at your SD…be mad at DH for not doing a damn thing when his kid disrespected him like this. I just don’t understand parents these days. Why didn’t he discipline her for that?
My DH was a Disney dad also but he would have torn SS up one side and down the other for some crap like that. And SS knew it and that is why he never said anything like that to DH. My kids the same. They would have NEVER talked to me like that. Because they knew it would be bad for their health and wellbeing. lol
Oh wow - my parents would
Oh wow - my parents would have whooped my ass if I ever talked to them that way.
Hell, I called my mom a bitch when I was 30 and she slapped me across my face!!
Be mad at BOTH of them - her for being a disrespectful brat and him for being a door mat and letting his kid talk to him that way.
Grrrr...........
Oh no, I got that slap a lot
Oh no, I got that slap a lot when I was younger. My point was that even as a grown ass woman, my 4'11" mom slapped my sassy face!!!
soap. always the soap with
soap. always the soap with my mom growing up. And a hair brush.
My great grandmother was from Kentucky - she would make us "pick the switch" and Dog help you if you brought back a twig - lol!!
I hear what you're saying,
I hear what you're saying, tommar, but we get to be mad at kids for their bad behavior. She is 11, not 3, and she knew exactly what that word meant....
She should be mad at both of them.
We cannot constantly excuse bad behavior on the part of a child by constantly blaming it on the parent!!
I'm angry at him about it. I
I'm angry at him about it. I just am not pushing it today b/c its his bday. I agree that he should have done something. I told him earlier that I couldn't believe he let her talk to him that way. He said he will deal with it tonight. He is very hesitant to punish her b/c she reported him to Child Protective services the last time he spanked her. Its no excuse and I told him that.
yeah - we can road trip!!!!
yeah - we can road trip!!!!
who's in??
"He is very hesitant to
"He is very hesitant to punish her b/c she reported him to Child Protective services the last time he spanked her."
and therein lies the problem. The brat knows dad's afraid and now has all the control.
Dad needs to deal with it. Tonight. And effectively. No pussy stuff.
idk, WOB. yes i agree w/ the
idk, WOB. yes i agree w/ the kid having all the control and the dad being afraid of another cps fiasco. but it sounds like this kid is truly a budding kaos who will then turn into ASS. i mean, all the punishments in the world will be ineffective at best. you cant physically force them through a punishment that involves the kid doing something (like scrubbing the driveway with a toothbrush), and i think (if i recall correctly) that the kid has had everything removed from her already. i guess the only option left is punishment where sd is subject to an action from dh. with the cps card already pulled, he cant physically touch her...
hmmmm.... maybe a squirt bottle filled with vinegar? vinegar is an odor neutralizer... sd's attitude stinks, it needs to be neutralized }:) }:) }:)
Meh - if ASS were MY kid, his
Meh - if ASS were MY kid, his ASS would have been smacked from a very early age.
Just the other night, DH was in ASS's room when they got into a rather heated discussion about something (no, I didn't ask). I heard some commotion and it turns out it was DH putting ASS up against the wall.
Oh, okay then.
my brother was ASS. corporal
my brother was ASS. corporal punishment was totally ineffective. dad got really creative throughout the years and did NOT let any bad behavior slide. there was a consequence each and every time.
sadly none of it mattered to him. he was gonna do what he wanted to do regardless. dad kicked him out twice, the second time was forever. he also did not bond him out the second time, and he later had a two year sentence to serve and a felony conviction on his record.
like i said, no punishment or consequence was ever even remotely effective. he really truly didnt give a shit.
My brother was ASS, too. He
My brother was ASS, too. He was emancipated when he was 17 and took a really shitty turn for a long, long time. Now he is a 50-something married man with a great job and a nice house and a teenaged daughter. He also has a felony conviction in his past.
Like ASS, my brother was determined to learn things the hard way. My parents deeply embraced Tough Love, which is why he was eventually able to pull it together. My DH, on the other hand, probably won't embrace Tough Love, but not my monkey and sure as shit not my circus.
Just because punishment doesn't appear to work, doesn't mean you do nothing. Who wins then? Oh, yeah, the kid.
YUP. that's why dad never
YUP. that's why dad never let a bad deed go unpunished. he kicked bro out when he was exhausted of ways to implement any other manner of consequences. he let him back in after his first arrest, then kicked him out again when he almost cost dad his job. bro was 17 at the time.
just like your brother, it took many long years for him to get his act together. i'll say there's probably plenty of people who thought he never ever would. he still has a wild streak in there, but he's a great husband to my SiL and an awesome dad to all four of his kids. he's grounded and stable. he can live with structure and consistency, cuz dad taught him what structure and consistency are!
Believe it or not, he sat
Believe it or not, he sat with her all night last night, trying to get her to do it. I don't know why he can't get her to do it. I have stepped away from it.
IMO it's time to just let her
IMO it's time to just let her fail this year. Let her deal with the consequences the teacher/school will hand out for being daily unprepared for class. He can't beat the kid into submission and these every night, all evening BS sessions of homework are taking over the entire household.
I wonder what SD would think if suddenly no one at home gave a hoot if she did homework or not? She doesn't want to do homework? *shrugs*
She's using this homework fiasco to control ...take this power of hers away.
YES. THIS.
YES. THIS.
Never, ever, ever, would I
Never, ever, ever, would I have thought to call my dad an asshole to his face. Such blatant disrespect. And your DH allows it. Amazing.
I don't know how you live
I don't know how you live with all this anger and tension. It's great that DH wants to help SD with homework, but it's too much if it takes all night (when does he spend time with the rest of his family) and it's still not done!
I don't live in your pocket so I don't know what solutions might be out there. But SD11 needs a lot less attention for her bad behaviour. I see her acting like a really angry toddler, but she's older, can talk (and say super-mean things), is more directed in her anger, more frustrated and intense with her feelings, and is physically a lot bigger.
I'm dealing with DDstb2 waking up in the night and not wanting to go back to sleep/bed, not wanting to stay in her room for nap, and not wanting to go to bed at nighttime at all. And she will make up a lot of great excuses for why she should have/get what she wants. But it's my job to teach her that it really doesn't matter HOW she feels about the situation, it is what it is. I want her to understand that yelling, screaming and generally losing her shit won't get her a different result. I want her to know that even if she doesn't get her way, the way that things are is just fine (flexibility). And I want her to know that being super-angry or super-frustrated is ok, and when she's ready to be more calm, she can get more help and comfort with her problem. Great life skills, right?
It sounds like you have the same problem, just in a 11-year old, simmering anger and kind-of-family-bully SD. So I can't even imagine, since DDstb2 has seriously caused me to look into running away from home myself.