Maybe I am awful but......here's my update
So, a little background. My SO and I have known each other, as friends, for about 16 years and have been together as a couple for about a year and half. (This time...LOL). We became involved back in 2016 when BM asked for a divorce. We were seeing each other for a few months and then BAM! She found out about me and decided she didn't want him but didn't want him to be with anyone else either. So he, feeling he owed it to the kids to try, went back to her. I loved him (known him a long time) and knowing that it would end between them again because neither of them were in it for the right reasons, I waited a bit. 10 months to be exact. Just as predicted, she again wanted a divorce. So in March of 2017, we decided to try again. He now knew he did everything he could for the sake of the kids. So I have been around through the ordeal of court and custody and pending divorce. Its been a difficult road and not one I am sure I was even slightly prepared for.
I have two kids, a 17 year old daughter and an 11 year old son and my SO has 4 kids. One is in college and we do not see her. The others are a 14 year old son, a 10 year old daughter, and a 6 year old daughter.
They have had little discipline or consequences and that has been cause to many arguments between me and my SO. He has gotten better on cracking down a bit more on them and we are slowly working through those things.
So why do I feel like an awful person...well...the BM finally (after she has spent 100k in lawyers) decides to not fight over property and such and has proposed a walk away divirce, which is awesome. She only decided this though after she won custody of the kids (she only wants the higher CS). The custody decision crushed my SO as he is a very good and involved father. And he is now torn between fighting the custody decision or just accepting it. While part of me wants him to fight for custody, another part of me does not. Although I love his kids, they are lazy and disrespectful and difficult to handle. But more so than that....
I AM SICK OF PUTTING OUR LIVES ON HOLD AND HIM GOING INTO DEBT (which further puts our life together on hold) BC OF ALL THE LAWYERS AND HEARINGS AND BATTLES!
I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. A beakin of hope that we could finally build our life together and move forward. And now, I sit again and wait to see if more court battles are coming (if he appeals).
As selfish as this all sounds, I cannot seem to help myself. I just want it all done and I want to move forward to a future.
Thank you for listening to my rant.
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Feel free to read my blogs...
Feel free to read my blogs... it is a giant pile of disappointment and 40K of fees all for 1 week per year that we have of visitation. My DH is a wonderful father. He is military and provided for 2 households- BM used to get $2000 per month between alimony and CS. We have a wonderful home in one of the best school districts in the country. We have everything on paper and it isn't enough. Nothing ever will be.
Glad to know I am not alone...
She gets 2500/mo now in just CS. It's crazy. She flat out (in court) even more or less admitted she only wanted custody for the money and still got it.
Its crazy!
Yep.. and that is all the
Yep.. and that is all the kids are, a paycheck for her.
Momma's
Little money makers! Part of the whole Goldn Uterus Syndrom, I think. They arent children anymore, they are cash cows.
And then you have hardworking mothers that have the fathers that dont pay. So, ALL fathers get the bad rap title of "deadbeat dads", even when they are super involved and loving, and pay for everything possible.
That sucks that she told the court and the court doesnt care, that she is actually TAKING custody away from the father and allowed to do so in the name of more money. Cash is king, in Family Court.
When you say she got custody,
When you say she got custody, do you mean she got primary custody and he got the typical one night a week and EOWE? Or is it something different? Are you in a state where that's the norm? I ask because in our state, it's typical for a father who wants it to get 50/50 (that's what my SO has). I have a friend in other state who fought for 50/50 and spent a fortune and just ended up with Wednesday night and EOWE, even though he is a great parent. It was just a waste of money - seemed like it was decided before they even started. Other people warned him that would be the case, but he had to try.
We are in Maryland. He gets
We are in Maryland. He gets one night a week from after school till 8pm and then EOWE.
This was even after the court appointed custody evaluator recommended 50/50 custody.
You’re not an awful person
You’re not an awful person for wanting BM to keep the kids.
Thank you. I love them and
Thank you. I love them and also resent them because of their behavior and it causing problems between my SO and I. I also slefishly just want the battles over so we can move on to a future.
Your DH has a lot of baggage,
Your DH has a lot of baggage, debt, and is just coming out of a messy divorce. Many women wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole, and it's definitely okay for you to not want to hear about his problems all the time. Even when we love someone, we still have our own obligations - kids, career, etc - and you need to be equipped to bring energy and positivity to those areas of your life.
Steplife will sap you dry if you let it, so you need to be able to recognize, tend to, and stand up for your self and your needs. Your post comes off as apologetic, but there's no need to feel sorry for anything you said. You're developing healthy coping strategies that will benefit your relationship, so good for you!
I guess I never really
I guess I never really thought about it that way. To ne honest, I am already sapped dry. Sometimes I feel like I do not even know me anymore. Everything is alsways about everyone else. Not just him or his kids either, but my kids as well.
Really need to look into doing more for me.
Without feeling bad for doing so.