I'm sorry CLove.  This guy is a lost cause.  He just can't help but cave as soon as PS looks his way.  He's not husband material.  He's not father material.  He wants you to do the heavy lifting then make you out to be the villain.  They've both shown you who they are.  Believe them.  Either they need to go or you do.  I agree that PS shouldn't have the tattoo kit.  I also think that you were right to speak up in this case, because if something goes wrong, you and the husband would be held liable since you own the house.  Why didn't she have it delivered to Toxic Troll's place instead since she lives there most of the time? Did Toxic Troll,by chance, say she couldn't have it at her place?  

It is his shit child butt sniffing and ball-less existance that is driving you away.

Take care of yourself CLove.  I do concur that this is over.  So, end it. 

Screaming in your face and in front of  his shit spawn and SHN no less.

Set up your lawyer appointement and end it to your fullest possible advantage.  Start with a RO/PO as his threatening behavior in front of SHN should make that a given.  It also keeps him out of your home and buys you space while you work the disolution of him.... in your life.  Can't wait to hear the recociliation stories when he goes sniffing TT's butt once he is clear that you are no longer in his life.

What I don't understand is why you are still engaged when you know that your husband doesn't support you or have your back? This entire tatoo kit fiasco is 100% not your problem.

I suggest following the principles of DETACHMENT from AL-ANON but replace "alcoholic" with abusive husband and SK's.

IN AL-ANON WE LEARN:
• Not to suffer because of the actions or
reactions of other people
• Not to allow ourselves to be used or
abused by others in the interest of
another’s recovery
• Not to do for others what they can do
for themselves
• Not to manipulate situations so others
will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not
drink, or behave as we see fit
• Not to cover up for another’s mistakes
or misdeeds
• Not to create a crisis
• Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the nat-
ural course of events

By learning to focus on ourselves, our
attitudes and well-being improve. We allow
the alcoholics in our lives to experience the
consequences of their own actions.

Hope your head is feeling better.. and that whatever it was was not serious.. maybe just a tension/stress thing.. hopefully.

I'm sorry that the situation turned out like I suspected it might.  Your husband has proven time and time again that he really doesn't have your back... he allowed the blame to fall squarely on your shoulders..... and yelled at you when all you were trying to do was correct his misstep with the tattoo kit.  This isn't the first time he has shown little regard for you.. from job stuff.. to barnacle.. to his older and now younger child.. he does what he wants.. what is easiest.. and damned what you need.

Get it straight.  You don't have to help SD . She not your child.  But you can get sued if she does something stupid.  Like tattoosing someone's underage child .  they will go after the person with money. So Toxic Troll is out of it.  
'Your DH is not respecting you .  How to you expect SD will respect you .?  

I had a feeling this would go down like that and you're the bad guy once again because your husband not only threw you under the bus, he drove the bus and backed over you a few more times. 

It will happen again.

And again.

And again. 

And again. 

Only you know how much you can take and where your line is. 

@CLove thinking about you. Sometimes clarity happens in these moments and I think you found your clarity. The vase smashed into a million pieces and there is no way to put this vase back together the way it was. 

Your husband effed up by going against you in front of the kids so (if he hadn't have done that) you now are forced to either ignore his un-hisband-like behavior or correct his behavior in front of them too.

Now y'all both rolling in the mud so to speak  

Unfortunately when you correct their Disneyland parenting in front of their kids they get really defensive. Even if you are right. 
 

It technically not a blame game but you wouldn't have done that had he not folded after y'all agreed how to best handle it. 

Then instead of check on you he was busy catering to his crocodile teared daughter and triangulating y'all's niece. 

Disneyland parents are really difficult to live with. 
 

If you have a basement, no one would blame you for sending him and his spawn n con - oops I mean tattoo artist - down to the basement for an hour for every year old they are. 
 

If you don't want to punish his unhusbandlike behavior then you gotta let him know he is walking on thin ice choosing to go behind your back (in front of his kids), side with his kids - trying to do illegal tats, at the expense of y'all marriage. 
 

You might not want to leave him but you can remove him from your beneficiaries anytime he acts un-husband-like with no apology/recourse. Don't let him stress you/drive you to an early grave/then spend your life insurance money on himself and his domestic t3rrorist spawn. 

HE LIED. HE BETRAYED YOU. HE IS DANGEROUS.

You deserve so much better.

I know you are a caring person and want the best for everyone, but sometimes it aint worth it. Like now.

Your DH sucks . Thats abusive and uncalled for.

I sure hope you get to the root of your headache. You need to be healthy to enjoy your next chapter of life. Whatever that may be. Lets hope your next chapter is filled with love and peace.

Take care of yourself and Blessings

Attorney time...after the doctor appointment. While I always "scream" at you to disengage, you had EVERY right to address this issue with said crazy SK and your DH. I had a similar incident where DHs youngest had a car accident with permit only and no insurance (driving BMs car). We lived with the threat of litigation over our heads for a year and a day (stupid Louisiana time for a lawsuit to be filed). Thankfully, we weren't sued. Difference is, my DH was furious at his son and said kid wasn't allowed to drive at all with us after that.

With all that said, your DH is an ultimate failure and just because your SD turns 18 in 65 days does not mean the BS will stop. I don't see that at all for you.  Get yourself to an attorney who can get the ball rolling and get out out of liability for your DHs crazy kids. 

Hugs, CLove.

Tensions have been coming to a head for a while now with this girl. She's a product of TT and your husband and just like FF, she likely won't amount to being a very productive member of society (how could she when her father can't be bothered to do any hard parenting and her mother is... well... she is TT).

Your husband floats through life on his boat, avoiding all the work that comes with being a parent. He can't be bothered to keep an eye on PS. He can't be bothered to guide her or correct her. He just floats along hoping everything will work out. (MY DH is the same way and LI is shall we say, floundering at life right now).

Worse than all of that though, is he gets angry with YOU when you bring up a valid concern regarding his daughter. He doesn't want to have to tell PS "no". That's uncomfortable. He also likely doesn't want to think of his daughter as being "irresponsible" (parents, especially parents today, HATE to think of their kids as anything less than perfect. In his mind, it's his daughter ... she's smart, she's responsible, she will always make good choices). You forcing his hand with the tattoo kit enrages him because 1. It rouses him from his comfortable sleepy slumber of avoiding his parental responsibilities and 2. In his mind he sees it as a criticism of his daughter's ability to be responsible 

...and many ways, my husband behaves the same regarding LI. I remember years ago when I expressed my teeny tiny concern about LI spending $$$ on pair after pair of expensive shoes. DH told me "I trust her… it will be fine… She's smart…I used to buy CDs when I was her age..."

Now here we are and she has over $20k in credit card debt, a huge auto loan on a vehicle she overpaid for, personal loan debt, and student loan debt (for a degree that should've been paid 100% for by the government).
 

So you are not wrong. Your concerns re the tattoo kit are valid. These daddies just want to stick their head in the sand and when we try to pull them out WE become the bad guys. 

What a POS for screaming at you. An even bigger POS for doing it in front of PS. If she's not going to be using it until 18, why go to such great lengths to ensure she HAS it before 18? When you first posted about the tattoo kit, my initial reaction was "meh", due to the low likelihood of any lawsuit coming your way. But, the kit is a symbol for the fact that your DH has zero integrity and zero care for anyone but himself. He chooses the TATTOO KIT as his hill to die on, defending PS from, um, not having a tattoo kit that she supposedly can't even use? This guy is just a lazy disorganized mess of a POS. He flies by the seat of his pants doing what feels best for HIM in the moment. His word means nothing. He doesn't care about you, but he doesn't really care about his daughters, either. He cares about what HE FEELS, right NOW. This is who he will always be. 

I could see this coming down the pike when you first started posting about this "Triangulation Tat Kit" arriving. These losers are so predictable.

I further suggest your "husband" enjoys abusing and betraying you. Not holding my breath for him to apologize to you or correct The Liar Drama Queen Formerly Known as Munchkin. 

To quote an awesome StepTalker, "Get thee to an attorney."

Your body is desperately trying to send you a message and you need to listen. That headache happened because you were emotionally overloaded and hit your breaking point. You have got to disengage from as much of this mess as you possibly can. Just stop having anything to do with SD. If a lawsuit happens, which is very unlikely, you can deal with it - until then, just quit all of it. Change the password on netflix, don't ask her to log out - just do it. If a package arrives, ignore it. If your husband says anything about her, walk away. And get yourself to a therapist who will help you find the strength to leave this abusive man.

Thinking of you today. I hope the doctor can help find some answers about your headache. 

Can you take a break for the weekend? Stay with a friend or family? Log off step talk, tell your husband you're not going to respond to calls or texts this weekend. Just get away for a breather. Nothing needs to be done asap. You can take a weekend (or longer) to catch your breath. Your health needs to be addressed, mental and physical. Being with someone who cares about you could help you to get some perspective on everything. 

Clove, you've been through SO much that it's probably hard to tell what is normal behavior and what isn't. You've been the bad guy for so long.

You deserve somebody that treasures the generous person that you are. These people took advantage of that generosity and even turned it against you. 

Doctor, lawyer, therapist asap. Please tell us what the doctor says, ok?

For your immediate health I would get a blood pressure cuff so you can check that in future, you either had very high BP and were experiencing the symptoms of that or you had a silent migraine which is horrible as well.  Take care of yourself, you and your health matter!

As for PSSD17 and H…the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Is bi-polar. He goes from one place to another in seconds.  DH is your main problem.  He's going to give SD that tattoo kit in a few weeks bot when she 18.  BM will call.  Because she wants to control your home. Best of luck

I would go with the scorched earth exit plan.

1. Rekey the locks.

2. File for an RO/PO.  His screaming in your face warrants that protective step and with SHN as a witness, that should get the RO/PO ordered. That keeps the dipshitiot DH away which also keeps his spawn away. 

3. File and pay your taxes. All of them, using his or joint money. 

4.  Hire the biggest pit bull divorce attorney in the county and consult with the next best 3 to take them off of the table for his use.

5. File the separation/divorce papers NOW!  Get the date on record to prevent him from spending a crap ton of money on credit cards sticking you with that liability.

5.A  Isolate every Cent of resources you can.  Close all joint accounts and open accounts at a different bank.  Cancel all of the joint credit cards.

6. Harden your heart. Their fee fees are irrelevant. The time you have invested is sunk cost and trying to recover any calming feelings over the past is a waste of your soul.

7. Block him.  All communication is through your attorney.

8. If it takes a year+ to deal with the house, great. Keep the RO/PO active to keep him the hell away from you and the  house.  

9. Take some time for you.  If you take a trip, engage a security company to keep him/them away from your home.  Make sure the RO/PO keeps him away from the house whether you are there or not.

10. Embrace your life.  Live well.  Living your best life is also the best revenge. Make that revenge front, center, and out loud.  It will get back to him.

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. He did this. You did not create and facilitate this outcome.  He did.

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