So, if you are familiar with my situation, I have 2 skids, one who has moved out and one who is 12 and in full-on preteen mode. Currently I am unemployed, so it falls on me to do daily childcare as the Toxic High Conflict BM has chosen to work summer school (she works with autistic children and has a choice). She doesnt fill anyne in about her schedule, simply drops Munchkin off at around 6 ish, after a text to him. She stays with me all day, and then either stays or goes, depending on the scedule - we have 5 days on and 5 days off. Every now and then, on her days, Munchkin wont show up and there is no communication, so we simply assume munchkin is with BM.

Frustrates me, that. However, I am fortunate in that I can choose to send her on to Gmas house as it is on the way to FDH's work. She would prefer to be here with me, and then we are together ALL day EVERY day. I go to gymn or run errands, and she is a quiet, nice kid, but still, I cook her food, which she eats, or buy her food she can prepare herself. She doesnt wash dishes, she doesnt do ANYTHING. Im at the point, after a long summer of this, that I am not concerned, and have disengaged - if she wants to spend all day in bed watching videos in her jammies wihtout washing teeth and parents dont care, then neither do I. Small potatoes. WELL, after a series of meltdowns, lately, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells, it just isnt that pleasant anymore. 

Meltdown #1. She showed her mother a text I sent her by accident and mother went ballistic on me (yeah it was bad, but not compared with being called a f$cking C@nt etc...), and she tried to lie about it, came clean and we had a talk, and then she cried. I then had to pretend that its ok if she wants to talk about her mother. Ewe.

Meltdown #2. FDH's mother was going to have a large bday party for her 96, I mentioned that BM couldnt really go, because no one would want her there after all that had happened with her father, the divorce, me, the cheating. She insists that everyone tells her how sweet and nice her mother is (yeah, beats her eldest while youngest watches, and beats on father in front of kiddos, but shes sooooooooo sweet!) Then breaks down sobbing, goes to room, slams door, dont see her all day. I say "ok, its ok if she is invited....blah blah blah....lie lie lie". Mother comes to pick up munchkin from gmas house and get invited my gma who has some dementia. She pulls this out on FDH the day before, to push buttons, and doesnt show because she knows it will be with folks who hate her.

Meltdown #3. When I tell her she can go to church, where 2 times previously she has been treated so badly she comes to me crying, if she can get a ride back from her mother (its 45 minutes round trip, mother and us live close by so its either/or), and she gets agitated and tears well up in her eyes as she tells me desperately, that she doesnt want to cause problems for BM, and BM doesnt have the gas money, and BM might lose her job, and BM always tells Munchkin her problems...then full on sobbing.

Meltdown #4. When she has stopped crying from #3 (later that afternnon as she has recovered and is happy kid) tells me she wants a tablet to do digital cartoons, but doesnt want to work to earn it, she wants to pretty much take it easy, as I describe all the options available to her to attain her $1,000 tablet (shes a REALLY good artist and unemployed me has been encouraging it by loaning her money for paints and special papers), she gets upset, and starts crying again, stomps off and shuts the door.

She comes back out ready to go shopping, and is all smiles.

Wow. What a rolller coaster! I know that hormonal preteens are supposed to be emotional, but I have a toxic high conflict golden uterus BM to deal with, and FDH gets very anxious when poor snowflake princess is at all upset and crying because of something I said or did. IM just not looking forward to her being here. Shes not the fun kid I used to have adventures with. I have to walk on eggshells or she will cry about everything. Ugh.

Is this meltdown crying phase normal? I know its a lot of pressure from mother telling kiddo all her financial problems...