I think in steplife the most important thing we all need to remember is that there are things that are not within our control.. 

"Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Also.. know thyself.. if you are someone with jealous tendencies.. someone with strong need for control in your life? it may be super difficult.  If you lack the ability to have empathy for the other people in the dynamic.. kids that didn't ask to shuttle back and forth.. didn't ask to be provided new authority figures.. Ex'es that often had fairly valid reasons why their relationship with your new SO didn't work out.. sometimes our own partners are not perfect.. ya know?  Relationships are 2 way streets.. and there can be fault on all sides.  Or even have some understanding how a parent might bristle at another person taking over their child.. even in the most well intentioned ways.  Even your own spouse who may appear to be a disney dad.. but it's really tough for a NCP who only gets a handful of visitation days to really enforce a normal routine when the kids come.. they often don't have the experience of rearing the kids.. was probably done by the ex.. and they are afraid if they don't have fun.. the kids won't want to come.. and also afraid to push back against an ex that could make access to the kids difficult.  They also don't want to spend the 4 days a month they may have with their kid fighting and punishing them.. which.. yeah.. means they probably don't have the boundaries they should.

All this makes for a difficult homelife sometimes.. and it takes a special intestinal fortitude to deal with it as a step parent.

Dear soon to be married,

RUN!

Sincerely, 

A tired SM who wasted her youth on a worthless man.

My friend is newly engaged (been together two years) to a man with a 7 and 4 year old with a HCBM. She cheated which is why they divorced.. The BM was posting on Facebook total lies when she found of their engagement.... STBMIL is emnmeshed with BM as well..

I sent her PAS articles and told her about this site. Not sure she's looked yet. Just told her to push with maintaining boundaries (she won't have a problem with this) and standards. 

I really hope it works in the long run but I'm not sure she's quite prepared TBH. 

We can only wish for the best. 

But you can't make him drink!  Of course all of us thought "how hard can it be?"

Yes, this site will give her all the deets to look out for.

Over your life.  That just so hard.  Other people,,,SK,,,,EX... kinda control your life.  Unless your SO keeps the CO to the letter.  Then times, days,, of visiting keep changing.  Ect. 

I'm laughing at the shoobies on the river comment. I hear you on that. 

I hope your friend's daughter ventures over here before she feels the actual need to. I have a decent step situation compared to many on here, but I've been able to head off issues and not feel like I'm crazy or unreasonable based on what I learn here.

I hope they stay mostly non-conflict and have only minor hiccups! I get so jealous of people that have that step life! If they don't, I hope she remembers your letter and comes here! LOL

success.

As evidenced by my own experience, it can be incredible. However, I would advise against becomming a partner to a serial prior failed family breeder and would avoid anyone  with a child above toddler age, who lives nearer than 1200 miles from their X.  Preferably with full physical and legal custody and a CO stipulating that the NCP has limited long distance visitation. Or, is the NCP with limited long distance visitation who lives a few States or a continent away from their X and their children.

I think it can work in either the CP or NCP position within the other stipulations.

It has for us... so far.

This gave me the opportunity to build a life with my bride and to raise a quality person with her from the time SS-31 was 2yo.  He is the man that DW and I raised. We are proud of him.