Thanks for your comments, he was never with the BM so he tells me. But that doesn't seem to make sense when I piece the facts together :-? I'm 41 and he wants us to have a baby together, things don't seem stable enough to bring another child into the world but because of my age I feel like time is running out and I hope if we had a child together it might bond the families together. But morally I don't believe babies should come into the world with all this uncertainty for perhaps another potential split family. I have also gone back to college as the job market in the UK is bad and would need to relocate 150 miles to be with him, I feel as though me and my children are taking all the risk. I have tried to talk to him about all these things and he reassures me things will be fine but the same things happen again and again.

You would think I would know better at my age:-)

Thanks Heather for your honesty. I currently have it easy with the B.kids, minimal arguments a nice home, they're all fed and clean finances are tight, but what's new there..... I think your right though, if I can't have a decent conversation with my companion perhaps he's not the right one to share it all with. I just need to remember that when I start missing him

I have to choose a university placement within the next 5 weeks and that will shape the next 5 years of mine and my children's lives. The question is do I stay in my 5 bedroom home here or give it all up for the unknown.

I feel so sad inside but my instincts are telling me I'm doing the right thing

thanks for your comments Lousflower

I seem to be a lot better at handling the mother part of life than having a relationship with a man. I agree this situation is weird as I would think he would be happy me and his BD get on so well. I will miss her immensely, I love her. But I can't pretend this is going to work out with so many unanswered questions

Oh blimey, (English slang for OMG) I'm starting to feel a bit stupid, I haven't disclosed all the problems the relationship has..... Why do I feel the need to have a family unit, consisting of a man ? I am grateful for all your comments and opinions, they are showing the same concern. He says his behavior, in his words 'putting his daughter first' is normal and it's my insecurities and paranoia which is the problem. (I have never been accused of this in previous relationships) When I ask him to explain deleting my children from the photo's and consent staring at his BD he doesn't say anything (When my kids were first born, I could watch them for hours) I thought his staring was the same thing, but she is 4 now and must be aware of the attention she is getting from him. It is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. When we left his on house on sunday I asked my BD13 how she thought the meal with his parents went she said it was ok apart from the bf constant staring at his BD. Are there any stable men out there that think his behavior is normal ??

The other issues are:-
He likes to cook special meals for the BM once a week and invites her round for family time, but says the BM isn't interest in BD but he feels its important to include her. BM put BD up for adoption when she was born.

He is very secretive with his laptop and phone and is always getting text messages and calls, he walks away whilst answering and never tells me who it was. If I ask he will answer, but if I question him, they are always just mates.

As i'm typing this I'm feeling more and more stupid, why does he say he loves me and want to spend his life with me and wants me to help him raise his BD and he'll look after my family if he doesn't mean it. Do I come across so needy that he is doing me a favour?