Is your husband oblivious to what is going on? Best to leave him that way and maybe figure it out on his own. Don't get between a parent and child after all how would you like it? You can tolerate the goings on can't you? Just bite your tongue?

If its the money that irritates you, if its "our" money that's being spent, then you have a veto right but that can be difficult to enforce if he disagrees. Perhaps if you told him that since he's spending all this money on this woman that at least he should leave his estate to the last child as presumably she won't have as much time with you guys around to shower her with these extravagant gifts.

All he needs is a living trust giving everything to you and after your death it all goes to the child(ren) you bore him.

Absolutely right!
Living trust and will.
and life insurance! Remember he also chose to be with you! It seems we all try our hardest with the stepkids, for fear youll be judged or disrespected by our mates! But he chose you, and your giving a life to him and for him.

Dont ever de value your worth! And please dont babysit unless you want to. And I disagree with anyname, asking to be paid is ridiculous! If you need the money its not worth it! Dont give them anymore control than they already think they have over you!! Dont even allow them to offer to pay you to babysit! if they do, dont babysit at all!!

It's nice you've done do much for your SD, and sad that she is like many of our SD's...resentful, jealous, and ungrateful

It's so hard for step-parents, when you have done absolutely nothing wrong where your skids are concerned - in fact you've gone out of your way and fallen over backwards for them, only to be taken for granted and treated like garbage.

I agree with StepAside that is sounds like your SD is holding on to hurt and anger about you and her half-sister's presence in your DH's life. Yes it's hard but doesn't give her the right to take from you - a job which you so nicely helped secure for her - and then not show the same decency and class to you in return.

This is so, so often the case with skids including the adult ones like yours and mine.

I learned after being burned too many times over the years to detach from the ones who behave this way. My DH's eldest is ungrateful and well, I'm sure from my many posts you know how nasty. I don't do much for her these days anymore. I'm sorry for her that she has hurts and resentments but she is still accountable for her own nasty behavior towards me, who like you, is an innocent by-stander in this showdown...or as my DH refers to me "just a pawn" in her games of manipulation

No more

Best advice I can offer you is to STOP doing anything at all for your SD. She needs to learn that while she is hurt and has challenges dealing with a situation that may have been tough for her, you will not tolerate taking anything less than acceptable treatment from her.

Perhaps it will wake her up and help her to realize she needs to make an effort in return, or maybe not. But if not, at least you will no longer be taken advantage of from her because you will no longer waste your time or energy in doing anything for her at all including not even giving her space in your mental energy

Yup, I think it's pretty sad that many of our DH's rely on their wives to do everything for their children. The skids know this and get resentful, and take it out on their SM's, who usually are just trying to please them, everyone, and make it all work

My DH has disengaged somewhat from his eldest daughter because of her behaviour, mostly towards him (another sore spot with me considering all she has done where I'm concerned) but even then, the only reason my DH saw his adult children so much once they were all grown up was me insisting on the regular dinners and get together s with them and their SO's (stupid me)

And now, well, DH's daughter will invite us to events for SGS and generally we go but we no longer invite her over (Easter will be the exception as little SGS asked me directly if I would do Easter events for him - whole other post ) but we don't have DH's daughter and her family over other than the exception now. Why? Well because if I'm not taking charge and doing it, generally it won't happen. And, since DH's eldest has completely ticked me off, to say the least, guess what? She doesn't get to come to our place, she doesn't see DH as much as she would have had she treated me better (without abuse) and sadly little SGS doesn't see DH nearly as much as he would. Not because I have in any way hindered it, I've simply just stopped facilitating it and left it all with DH to work out...so not much happens

Grown skids who treat their SM's badly and also have a weak father who doesn't maintain a relationship with them are doomed to suffer the consequences for both their father's lack of relationship skills, and their own lack of respect at a mis-directed target. I get it if your SM is a monster, but if she is actually a great person and you just decide to treat her like crap because you're pissed your father isn't giving you what you want in your relationship with him (and resent his relationship with your SM and/or her family) sadly these adult skids are only hurting themselves more...