How is it that I can still be completely stunded at this woman's "logic"?
OK so I think DH (and I) are handling this one pretty good but I am still stunned she thinks she has ground on this one. SO I read the texts BM sent DH earlier about wanting to take SD to some certain pool on this Thursday. DH left out some things when he told me about it. She basically asked to drop her off at 9 instead of 5 Thursday. DH said that's too late and if I asked for that you would have said no with a few choice words added. She said ok how bout this then. I drop her off Friday instead and you just keep her an extra night in return. Please think about this DH. She knows I asked you and its really important to her. I tried telling her no but she got really upset and started crying. Please understand its the only day and time (what pool is only open one day during one time all summer?). Please really think about this DH, it means the world to her! ANd at least I found a reasonable fix to the late exchange times so please consider it. To which he responded-when its the other way around you wont work with me! I would work with you on this if some how you can make it so I have her the second weekend in august. Theres a talent show (they do this at the annual family pig roast) that weekend and SD has expressed strong interest in it. 2 yrs ago she was in it and had a blast. BM's response?-Wow! Unbelievable. She is not a bargaining tool! Wow wow wow Shame on you! This is something SD is asking for! Anyway we are on vacation that weekend. I guess eventually you will understand the need for communication. (DH tried to talk to her about this at the beginning of the summer to which she told him there will be no switching of days). Im speechless at your attitude and hope that one day you realize your only hurting one person and that's SD. She knows I asked and doesn't really see it to be a problem. Just and FYI she was pretty sure you would say yes. OMG your a monster. Ill keep this text for future reference. Hey at least I tried to be civilized. DH said-You have to understand any time I ask for something it doesn't happen. Ive had to tell SD no several times because I know what your response will be if I even get one at all. Im not using her as a tool. I tried to talk to you about this and you told me there would be no switching dates. Whats fair for you is fair for me so see you thurs at 5. Have a nice night. This woman is so so so effing crazy. Use SD as a tool? Like you do bitch every time you ask for something? Making SD ask for it herself over the damn phone then telling her what a monster her father is when she gets off the phone! She tried to use SD and guilt DH into getting her way and when he said no cuz she wont work with him on anything HES the monster!?! Someone really needs to paperbag beat this bitch in her face (picture beating the shit out of someone with a paperbag on your head with a big smiley face drawn on it! }:) )! Uggg she makes me want to throw up!
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She is being horrible! I see
She is being horrible! I see why you and your DH are very unhappy about it. BM sounds very selfish.
Oh...it gets worse. After
Oh...it gets worse. After saying she will keep that text for further use (which go ahead bitch, we have kept every text to and from you for the last 2-3 yrs with no exception which is why we don't toss phones when we get new ones) she texts that she will inform SD of DHs stance and position on things. We already knew she talked shit to SD about us on a regular basis but she actually admitted it in writing. SO DH comes in from mowing after he had sent that last text and decides he is going to send her another text. He is fired up and sick of her shit and ready to spew on her to which I said not a good idea DH. Let her do the spewing and leave it alone. But he went after it anyway. While he was in the middle of texting she sent this one-Ill let Sd know where you stand. Hats off to dad of the year again. Thanks for letting me know you could do it for her but choose not to for spite. Listen to what you just said "I've had to say no to SD several times cuz I KNOW what your response would be" not my fault that you choose to not try out of your assumption as to my response. I would do anything for my babygirl!! If the shoe was on the other foot and u asked me for a simple switch of one day in our schedule so she could attend something she loved. the only thing that would go through my mind deciding the answer would be can our home schedule accommodate it. Its that simple! DH- You didn't seem to understand me. You made the rule to not change times. SO its only ok for you. You cant blame this on me because you made this rule. This is not a one way street you have to understand we need to work together! Look down the road and ask yourself if this is hoe you want it? I want to work with you for SD. Just remember its all for her! You get so mad and rude and I think your anger gets in the way of your judgement. Once again I would be flexible if you could be. I love SD so much! Just remember its about her and not an excuse to put me down to her and try to make yourself look better! Please really think about all this for her! ANd in response to what you just said (the text that came through while he was typing...hes slow at that..lol) so last year when I asked you about the fair and you didn't even text me back what you just sent in text was what you were thinking? ANd when I tried to talk to you at the last exchange and you just flipped me off what you just said is what you had in mind? You contradict yourself all over the place......Needless to say BM had no response after that tonight. Im sure she will start in again tomorrow but bravo DH!!! You handled that like a champ! I only gave advice myself when asked and was vague about it. He really did call her out with facts and I guess she had no argument currently....Lovin DH and the backbone for once tonight! We do have the wonderful task of explaining everything to SD when we pick her up thurs but BM admitted she was gonna talk to SD about this situation which is not a big deal. Even the judge told her in court that SD will miss out on things in both houses cuz that's how it works in these situations....We heard it....BM has selective hearing...
You can't reason with Stupid.
You can't reason with Stupid. So don't.
My DH used to get into all sorts of convoluted texts or conversations with Dungball about why what she wanted wasnt going to happen. Now he just says no, restates the current position and doesn't engage her further.
When someone who is unreasonable, stupid and entitled, you aren't going to convince them that what they want isn't going to happen. All you will get is more ranting, abuse and junk hurled at you about what a horrid inconsiderate bastard you are, including that your wants comes before the step. Blah blah blah... The normal shit.
Don't engage her texts after DH has made his position clear. Be prepared for some abuse but don't respond.
And don't try to figure out what goes on in their heads because even Dr Freud would give up on most BMs.
Yeah that's basically what I
Yeah that's basically what I said to DH last night. It just really bothers him that BM puts all this shit into SDs head about him. Hes a good dad and loves his children deeply. I just hope SD understands when we explain it to her. DH says hes close to just showing her the texts her mother sent so she can see what is actually being said. I think shes still a bit young for that but then again we are running out of ways to counteract BMs poison in SDs head. I don't know....
Maybe you should consider
Maybe you should consider having SD ask BM for schedule changes, just as BM makes her ask DH for schedule changes. That way BM is either forced to say no to SD, or she might actually say yes! Then SD would really see who is being flexible and trying to do the right thing, and who's not.
We have considered this. But
We have considered this. But again its something we are on the fence about. We hate that BM does that to her. It puts her in the middle of things but then again SD is always in the middle of things thanks to her lovely BM. It really just feels like no matter what we do, no matter how mature we try to go about things, its a lost cause. Im kind of at a point where as long as SD is respectful in our home and follows the rules I love her being here and our relationship is closer than most SM/SD from what I have seen. DH is really letting what BM says to SD about him get to him. I understand. He doesn't want his daughter to hate or resent him, especially over a shit ton of lies. But I think at some point he is just going to have to hear me and make some kind of peace with the fact that BM will ALWAYS run her mouth and try to make herself look like the night in shining armor while Daddy is the big bad beast. Hopefully SD sees the games BM plays as she gets older. If not, I don't know. We are both getting to a point though that we think its getting to be time that SD hears some truth on some things so she can start seeing her mother for the liar she is sooner rather than later. I don't know how the hell we are going to get through the next 11 years with our sanity in tact. BM made sure she went back at the texting again this morning as I knew she would. Resending past texts and putting DH down some more, blah blah blah. Basically said SD is starting to hate DH. I thought about resending her the one where she said no schedule changes but I figured I should stay out of it and let DH deal with it when he gets home. Usually he would have had it with him anyway but he forgot it at home today and I literally felt my stomach knot up and the adrenaline start pumping so fast and so bad I was shaking just from hearing the damn cell phone go off. Im so sick of this shit.