Anyone have any experince dealing with BM's/ ex's who work nontraditional hours? HELP please!
Does the court automatically favor that parent with regards to custody/placement? BM and her hubby work 24hr shifts as EMTs usually with them working every other day, followed by three days off in a row. Originally DH gave skids to BM on her days off in a row (4 by her, 5 by us, 4 by her etc). BUT this ended up with DH and I having the skids 60 % to her 40%. (we were supposed to be 50/50).
BM then got wind of how that could potentially affect her CS, and started randomly demanding a day here and there xtra w/o even taking into consideration our schedule. DH (and our lawyer)petitioned the court for a set week on/week off schedule to try to get some consistency and allow both parent's to live up to 50/50.
A GAL was appointed and came up with some psychotic schedule that has the skids going back and forth every other day between homes, and never has a consistent weekend. It is a nine week rotation (think M moms, T dads, W moms, Th dads, Fri Dads, Sat Moms, Sun dads, Mond dad, T moms etc) It is so confusing, I had to put it in my outlook and set it to repeat just so I know what is going on. The skids are 9 and 12 btw. This was what the GAL said would be his recommendation based on the fact that BM and her hubby both work 24 hours on the same scheduled shift, and Catlover is a stay at home mom who is "available anytime to care for the children" HIS words not mine.
BM responded by say (in a court document) that she is unwilling to follow this schedule, and that the only schedule she will consider is the one where she has the four on/five off with the occasional handpicked xtra day. She has also stated that she is "unable and unwilling to care for the kids on the days she works."
Well here's the thing..... Catlover is going back to work, and will NOT be available to care for skids any longer at the drop of a hat. In addition, our lawyer just sent a petition to the judge for a hearing on this matter, since we can't reach an agreement.
So my questions are:
1. Does the fact that BM/stepdad both work 24 hours mean they can automatically get to dictate placement schedule? If so, shouldn't they be on the hook for day care expenses since they are "entitled to the skids always on their day off", while DH and I have them when we work?
2. If we go to court what is the likelihood that the judge could change custody altogether. If BM is only able to live up to 50/50 by having the kids bounced around like ping pong balls, could a judge decide that the overall well being is more important, and give DH and I primary placement?
3. Does the fact that I am returning to work change anything? Or will the judge simply say....tough crap?
Any thoughts?
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Comments
Catlover
My Dh and I both work(ed) very very non-traditional schedules. However, I have recently (since May) started to stay home and be local just for some stability for SD.
I can tell you though, regardless of each parent's schedule.... what the GAL is proposing is so difficult.
When Dh and I had 50/50 with BM... it was Every other weekend at each parent's house.
Then on Monday, wherever SD was, she went to school from.
On Monday after school she'd come to her dad's overnight.
Tuesday morning we took her to school. After school, she'd take the bus home to mom's.
WEdnesday morning - she'd wake up at mom's. Take the bus to school, and then we'd pick her up after for an overnight.
Thursday morning, we'd take her to school. After school, she'd take the bus home to mom's.
Friday morning, she'd take the bus to school from her mom's and then depending on which weekend it was determined which house she went to after.
We started it because SD wanted more time with us so instead of Mon night, Wed night, and every other weekend, we turned our nights into OVERnights.
It worked for about a year or so, and then just added to SD's feeling of not having a home. She came out and said that she felt like she was "camping" at each place. Even though both homes had rooms for her, it was too much juggling. (Books, shoes, etc.)
I think that if you have to do a 50/50 - you may be better off with one full week at one parent's and the next at the other. Or, give one parent full custody and the other visitation.
What the GAL proposed is hard and in my opinion was really not the best way for us to go. Hindsight being 20 / 20 !! - If we had known then what we know now, we would have taken SD immediately. Even though that would have changed our lifestyle.
Best of luck to you!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Catlover, I agree with
Catlover, I agree with stick. I think it should not matter what schedule bm is on, there needs to be a routine for these children whether it be one week at each parents or one with the children all of the time and visitation for the other. The bm in your case needs to take the responsibility of finding appropriate child care on her days not expecting you and dh to do it. I would take this one to court. And hopefully the judge will see that it is not good for the kids to be bounced around like that. BM needs to take equal responsibility all of the time not when it is convient for her. You and dh have a life too, how can you make plans or take a trip, if able to, if you have to follow her schedule?
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
And that's the most irritating thing
that based on this "schedule" DH and I can't make any plans longer than two consecutive days. What really burns me is that I don't feel that it is fair for BD1 to have to live her life around BM's schedule.
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
It worked for us for a short time,
but only because at the time, Dh was working a traditional 9-5 job. When I was in town we both just planned our lives around the schedule.
It's even harder in your case because it sounds like your BM's schedule is never really set.
And like you said, that's no way for your BD1 to grow up. It could go either way - I will be honest. Kids are very resilient. So she could grow up being a little more carefree. But she could also grow up with some psychological disorders. Look at all the army kids that get moved from place to place at young ages. A lot of times it is detrimental to their mental stability.
I'm not trying to scare you. I just thing that when we did it, it was almost an "emergency" stopgap. We did it on the fly due to some family stresses.
Good luck to you... Hopefully your attorney can fight this out for you!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Do you think she has good benefits?
Or do you think her 401k plan sucks?? !! (Sorry can't help myself today)
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I Agree With Stick.
Children need stability.
I think the idea of 1 week off, 1 week on would be better than swaping the kids every other day. I also think that if the parents need to work when the children are in their care then that parent needs to foot the child care bill weather that's you guys or BM. I don't know if that's an idea you have already thought about, but I look at it like this, if BM and DH never separated (I know, i know, horrible thought) and both worked they would either need to change there hours to suit the children or get the kids into childcare. JMO.