You are here

Why is it the BMs who LEFT our DH's now demand DH do everything WITH them

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 2:57pm

My DH's Ex (like many of yours) was the one who bailed on DH. (she thought the grass was greener with her partner at work). Yet I find it very odd that she is obsessed over DH doing every skid activity WITH her! DH and I (we have 50/50 placement) have petitioned the court for a set placement schedule to eliminate BM essentially telling DH when she was taking the kids each month. Our goal is to have this all set in an effort to decrease the frequency of contact with her. Previously DH and BM would every month have to "sit down" to debate that month's schedule. Enough of that! Well the Guardian Ad Litem (court appointed attorney for the skids) came up with some wacko schedule that has the skids bouncing back and forth every other day between houses, so that BM would have the skids only on her days off (she works 24hr shifts).

Well lo and behold we receive a notice from her attorney saying she will concede to the GAL's schedule ONLY if the following conditions are met:

1. DH has to attend parent teacher conferences together WITH HER.
2. DH and BM both get access to the skids on their bdays
3. DH is required to complete all skids school and extracurricular activity paperwork WITH HER.
4. DH is required to go to therapy with the skids AND HER
5. DH is required to schedule all skids non emergency medical/dental appts along WITH HER

Two points I find amusing.......
For one, why is a woman who bailed on DH for someone else and is currently engaged to that guy so obsessed over having her and DH do everything together? I mean...we're trying to decrease contact and she's doing everything in her power to increase it!

The second thing I find funny, is that she's telling us that we have to concede several things for her to agree to the court appointed attorney's schedule? Ummmm we don't really like this schedule either. Why on earth would we give her anything.... her fight is with the court. Let her go to court then, I say.

Comments

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 3:04pm

the bm in our case has been doing this a lot also, and i dont think it has so much to do with her truly wanting to spend time with fh, (she cheated on him and filed for divorce, and is still living with her bf) but more so that when ss is with us we are a happy little family and it infuriates her that she couldnt make him happy and have the same. Therefore, her attempts to spend time with fh are really just her attempts to once again fuk with me, and make me feel she still has some type of control over my fh, like some how she is winning....

hopeful12's picture

Submitted by hopeful12 on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 3:18pm

AKA the Moo COw is totally the same. She will try and call DH and talk to him about any and everything, Even if she is allowing SD to go somewhere, anywhere on her days. She had SD log on to my myspace (which is private but SD was my friend untill a few months ago when I erased her for posting REALLY bad stuff about me and my kids on there) and BM called DH to bitch that I had pictures of SD on there. But in the same conversation she was complaining about us not taking family pictures in the past 4-5 years? and get this I have a mothers ring that my mom bought me when I had my son, which has my b- stone also, when I had my daughter I added her b-stone and then a few years later I had lost a stone I added DH on there. Well Moo cow was bitching that SD's birthstone isn't on my ring, ANd what really got me is DH told Moo cow that he will put SD's stone on there. (which I don't want it is a mothers ring and I am not her mother) and I had been trying to get DH to go and get pictures done he kept saying "NAH" but he says "sure moo cow we will go get pictures done".... It really was starting to piss me off, she was using any and all excuses she could find to call DH untill I finally reached the end of my rope, I couldn't stand it she would text DH and then send me her's and his answers. Or text and say "Y isn't DH answering my texts" Or call DH and say we need to meet for coffee and figure out "something" But hopeless can stay home and watch the kids" DH was like HELL NO!!! We have since cut off any and all conversation, We have a set schedule, and we stick by it. and don't anser BM's calls it took sometime but she got it thank god!CONTROL! CONTROL!CONTROL!!!! They want to feel loved in one way or another by our DH's, thats where it lies in our life anyway
~Step Parents of a feather stick together!~

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 4:21pm

hopeless hit is on the head...its CONTROL..CONTROL..CONTROL! They don't want your DH, but they sure want to control him..because they know that will drive YOU crazy! And they have the cards stacked on their side...the kids!

Mally's picture

Submitted by Mally on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 4:50pm

When me and my hubby first got together she always had problems with him dating with him talking to other women. We got together and she acussed him of hiding a baby from her. WHAT? ok? yeah those punta madres get crazy when they get divorces and their ex's get remairried. The punta madre tried telling me oh yeah we could be friends you know. I said YEAH OK... not in this lifetime lady. She is not a good mother and we moved as far as we could from her because she is a bad influence in my childrens life whom she still sees every summer and brutly messes them up before bringing them back. We have warned her that we will take the visitation away and she always pulls the same crap. Which my hubby falls for and it makes me want to vomit. Oh she is the mother.. blah blah blah I don't want to do it but I have to.. blah blah blah. she told me she would call the police if she doesn't blah blah she wants me to take them. ek.. I wish she wanst even there. gahhh. .

lovin_my_life's picture

Submitted by lovin_my_life on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 5:30pm

When SS12 had a birthday a few years ago, he wanted to take out just the 3 skids to a nice dinner. BM was furious that he wouldn't allow her to go. Then, DH mentioned that we were going to go visit his 96y/o grandmother and she again was furious that A) He was going to take me to meet her and Dirol we didn't invite her. She tried to crash SS12's boy scouts awards ceremony (which by the way she doesn't support. She says it's something DH does with him and will not help him get there etc). She changed her church to attend ours and since she lives closer and doesn't work during the week she became a volunteer in MY daughters class. After she spread her so called hurt to her new little friends things became very uncomfortable and DH told her to find a new church or else he'll be dropping the skids off on Saturday night so we can attend a church in our area. She then changed churches.....

DH can't stand it when there is a scheduling conflict b/c she'll always drag the skids in the middle and try to make him feel guilty. I stand my ground and now he's caught between making two women happy. She likes to make him break b/c that shows her that he's still under her "rule" and as long as it's "about the kids" she'll win every time. I told DH ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.... You're married to ME not HER and if you want a peaceful night you better see through her "kindness" and snap back to reality.... which eventually he does.....

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 10:12pm

I am a divorced BM. I left my husband and moved on. I wanted a new life that was happy and free of drama. After many peaceful years, I marry my DH and his ex wouldn't go away.

She was pissed that we didn't invite her to our wedding. What the @#$#@?? I said, it's not about her. It's about us. So I had to be very tough with DH and said it's me or her. I don't play #2 to anyone, especially my husband.

Every time she tried to play some little control game aimed to hurt me, I made sure she suffered for it. I hired the best divorce attorney in town and mowed her down. She wasn't dealing with my cream puff husband anymore. (I love my cream puff husband very much by the way.)

She went away, finally, after about a year of trying to sink her claws into my husband and destroy our marriage. Her last acts were to brainwash her own children into being hateful beasts. We are getting them therapy and I feel sorry for what she put them through but in the end, they will be better off. For once, they can see their Father being love instead of immasculated constantly.

Be tough and insist that DH puts you first. It's the only way you will have a life. These BM's are pathetic.

Mally's picture

Submitted by Mally on Fri, 07/03/2009 - 12:26pm

The B****es cant let go of something they gave up. They have control issues or something.

Gmama's picture

Submitted by Gmama on Fri, 07/03/2009 - 1:27pm

I posted last week about my husband and I. if we didn't have en Ex wife to figt over or a blended family, we'd never fight.
But the last 2 years, man it's getting worse, and 90% is over "HER"....
same fights as you all have, he has "no Balls" with her, and i told him I AM DONE, if we fight about her again, and if he does nothing to stand up to her that I will be staying in a hotel ( at his expence) until he does, I wouldn't sleep in our bed the other night,and I think he finally got how it. It just plane hurts, to see him "choose" to fight with me then her?
I think he knows this time I'm Not F-N around, I AM DONE.
I agree with Abigail,, I guess a person just has to be an
A-HOLE to get your point accross??? and to get things done.