We are Going to Visit SS Tomorrow in BM's City
DH, DD, and I are driving the four hours tomorrow to watch SS10 play football. I am super nervous. I have not been in BM's city in 4 years and I have not seen BM or GF in 3 years.
Lately, I have not been feeling myself. I am 7 months postpartum. I have the full muffin top, my clothes fit weird, my chest is super saggy since I've stopped breastfeeding and my hair is graying and falling out. I'm only 28. I have zero self confidence in my current state and told DH that seeing BM like this makes me feel worse. DH responded "BM rolls out of bed and is ready for the day, why does it bother you how you appear to BM." And I know he's right. BM has never straightened her thick, dark hair. It sits like a mop on top of her head. She never wears makeup and can only be seen in jeans and a hoodie. And GF isn't much better. Yet, I still want to look good when I have to see her and GF. Maybe I'm just really insecure in my current state, and I know it's petty, but it's where I'm at. So DH sent me to get my hair cut and colored today to help, which I appreciate.
I don't know why I'm so nervous. Maybe its because we are on BM's turf and BM can be unpredictable. Maybe it's because I am worried BM will try to create small talk and try to be all ass-kissey around the other football parents, like she has in the past, and I just don't want to engage with her, I don't know. I just want her to sit at one end of the bleachers and we sit on the other and we don't engage outside of exchanging SS. I have some bad feeling that it won't happen that way though. When we last did this in 2018, BM and GF sat directly behind us, like literally one row up, gossiping to the other football parents about us, but then trying to talk all friendly with us. I will feel better tomorrow afternoon when we have left the football game and SS is in our care for the rest of the night and Sunday afternoon, away from BM. Then we only have to do a driveway drop off on Sunday and I'm stepfree until November.
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Comments
Remember these people don't
Remember these people don't matter which means their opinions don't matter. You can roll out of bed with your hair sticking at odd angles and baby drool over your clothes. You're the one DH chose to spend his life with, not BM. Regardless of how you look, you're the one with the family BM and GF are trying to create in their fantasies. You win.
Don’t give dipshits so much space in your head.
You are a new mom. Own it. Make sure DH knows he has your back if gets weird.
Take care of you.
You are beautiful
I used to worry like this whenever I had to see BM. Always judging myself and coming up short. I let my insecurities overwhelm my sense of self worth and confidence. Today I know I am an attractive, confident woman, in and of myself. You are too. You have never been more beautiful to your husband, you are a momma who loved and nourished her child. Your body carries the grace of that. You are your husbands wife, he chose you! You owe nothing to BM her GF or the football parents. Be the queen you are tomorrow!
Fuck BM. You just had a baby.
Fuck BM. You just had a baby. My grandson is 5 months. My DD and my son in law are both permanently covered in baby drool and vomit (burp really not vomit, but it's a ton because he is always overeats lol). My DD is breastfeeding and is so big chested that it's impossible to find right bra. And all she wears is leggings because she can't fit in her normal clothes. That's all part of being new mom.
Screw them
" BM and GF sat directly
" BM and GF sat directly behind us, like literally one row up, gossiping to the other football parents about us"
That's when you turn round and (be sure to articulate clearly so that nobody can misunderstand your words) say "Don't you know it's rude to talk about people behind their backs" and turn back to the game.
To be honest, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You have a new baby. GF would kill to have a baby of her own. Therefore, GF is going to make sure that they both steer well clear of you. Wanna bet? Just make sure to be ostensibly the happiest, most doting new mother in the world. Tell everyone how happy you are, what a good baby she is AND (the biggie) how thrilled your DH is to have a son AND a daughter now.
Play to win!
And make sure DH is radiantly crushing on you
And doting on the baby.
BM and the breeding envious GF will likely slither off. And
Take pride in the fact that
Take pride in the fact that you recently had a baby. And that's great that DH sent you to get your hair done! I was thinking you should pamper yourself before you go, maybe a new outfit too?
I think I would smile politely, nod at what she says - but that's it, otherwise just don't engage with her.
Don't worry about what this woman thinks. She is likely very jealous of you.
Thank you everyone. I keep
Thank you everyone. I keep feeling like because DD is 7 months old and I didn't JUST have her, I should be more bounced back than I currently am. I appreciate the reassurance that I'm still figuring it all out. I got my hair done last night and I feel like a new woman. It's funny how something so small can make you feel so much better.
We are an hour or so away from BM's city. I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow.
I hope things went well
I hope things went well yesterday for you! It's hard to control those feelings of not being "good" enough in relation to the ex. I even get that way sometimes even though there is nothing about ET's life that I want to imitate or want bestowed upon me.
For me, I think the problem is her fakeness in public. She portrays herself as a doting mother, a loyal friend, and a good partner. I know too much background to be swayed by that impression, so I end up looking like the a$$hole in public when I keep my distance. It's a crappy side effect of steplife, but one that you can take heart in knowing is all an act and not reality.
Reality is that your DH loves you very much and DD thinks you're the best person in the entire world. SS is even fond of you, which is a bonus. BM and GF impact your day-to-day life minimally, and you know BM is just chasing the next thing in hopes of making herself feel better/whole. Have your feelings about it, but don't let it paint your whole life. That's what BM would want, and we can't let any of these evil witches win.
I am so happy that DH
sent you to the salon so you could get your hair done, that was a good move! I totally understand always wanting to present your best when seeing BM, when we did in person exchanges, I felt the same way. Even though I know DH loves me and not to sound stuck up, but I am more attractive by BM and she makes it even easier by these choices she makes about her appearance that teenagers/early 20's is usually made and she's over 30.
While basically all the insecurities have to do with being a new mom, it should make you feel really good that DH wanted to have a baby with you when that was not the story with BM. So make sure to remind yourself that you have your DH and DD who love you so much and could care less if your hair is done.