Oh yes, we've heard the "afraid to be himself with us" or "not comfortable in our care" lines many many times. SS has never displayed ADHD tendencies or sensory seeking behavior in our care. BM used to say that we never experienced these symptoms or behaviors due to our limited visitation. BM used to tell us that SS was ripping her couch apart due to jumping related to hyperactivity, but we never experienced anything like that with him at our house. DH chalked it up to no rules at BM's house, so SS probably jumped on the couch out of boredom since BM's go-to parenting method was planting SS on the couch in front of the TV for hours. We had rules and structure, so SS never even ran in our house, let alone jumped on furniture.

It's amazing that SS has these "conditions" only in BM's care. Yet, BM, while dating DH in high school attempted suicide multiple times, ran away from home, turned to drugs, and intentionally got pregnant with SS as a teenager as a means of gaining attention, so it is highly likely that BM concocted fictitious conditions that plague SS solely for attention. I've learned that the agenda rarely changes but the tactics do. 

I agree. The kid does soccer from March to May, football from June to October, and basketball from November to March. Plus BM is always wanting to add in extra camps and "conditioning sessions" to help SS train in the "off-season". The CO orders us only 6 weeks of visitation per year; 4 weeks in the summer (in two two week blocks that can be broken down or manipulated by BM per the CO to accomodate sports), half of Christmas break, and alternating Thanksgiving and Spring break. 

Honestly, we are done fighting BM. When SS was born (mind you BM and DH were both 19), BM made it clear that she didn't want DH involved. She has indicated over the years that she only used DH to get what she wanted, which was a baby.  DH spent years in court fighting BM initially all while BM withheld SS for the first two years. When a ruling was made, DH was only awarded a three hour visit every Sunday, half of which were court ordered to be at BM's residence. Why? Absolutley no reason. DH has always paid his CS on time, never missed a visit, always held a job, always had a quality place to live, etc. Every single year until SS was 5, DH went back to court to fight for more visitation and only gained a few hours at a time, going from three hours to six hours on Sundays and adding a three hour Monday visit. So for 5 years of SS' life, DH saw him for at most 6 hours at a time. 

Then, BM moved SS out of state so BM could be with her GF that she met online. We sought legal counsel who told us that since BM held sole legal and physical custody, due to the nature of their teen pregnancy and being unwed at the time of birth, the courts would grant BM permission to move, even though she really wouldn't need it. BM presented DH with two two week blocks of summer visitation and alternating holiday/academic breaks. DH was advised by the attorney to accept it because it was more than he had ever had and it was what would have likely been ordered if a judge ruled, due to DH's lack of visitation previously. Well, after BM moved, BM started to play games, manipulating summer visits, trying to reduce holiday visits, and she was adding her GF as "Parent #2" on all academic and medical files, which is where DH's information would have gone. This barred DH from accessing any of SS' medical or academic information. When DH called BM out on it, she abused and gaslit him. When SS was with us and got sick, DH asked for a copy of her insurance card to take SS to the doctor. BM refused stating that she didn't trust DH to take SS to the doctor and asked DH to drop SS off with BM's parents so they could obtain medical care. After that, DH said enough and took BM back to court for joint legal and more visitation. We spent a year in court, about $30k, and faced many allegations of abuse and neglect from BM to have the judge tell DH to "pay his court ordered CS, accept his 6 weeks per year, and move on because a child needs their mother." We didnt gain joint legal or more visitation. The judge is the one who ordered the flexible schedule to accomodate sports and he also allowed BM to only give DH one week's notice to schedule summer visitation since BM claimed she doesn't have the sports schedule until a week before summer break and scheduled visitation were supposed to start. We provided proof that this was a lie, but the judge still accepted BM's word. The judge advised DH that he would never rule to change or increase visitation as SS got older. 

We arent rich by any means. DH and I are 30 and 28 respectively and we put ourselves in a financial hole to pay for court, which we have only recently paid off. We have grieved this little boy more times that we can count. Honestly, this situation has made DH numb - he keeps SS and BM and everything in the back of his mind. He has told me if he thinks about it, he just cries over the injustice. DH knows that BM is going to widdle down his time over the years due to "increased sports obligations" and DH has just accepted it. Plus, SS is already showing signs of PAS and does view us as the lesser household. His dynamic with DH is that of an uncle/nephew instead of that of a father/son. DH feels at a loss to fight, especially since the judge told him it will never change and to just accept it. 

BM won't provide medical documentation proving the diagnosis, nor will she provide the name of the physician who "diagnosed" it. Our new CO (2020) allows DH to access the information and clearly states that since DH can access the information, BM does not have to provide it. But nowhere does it state that BM has to provide the physician information to DH so loophole... 

DH plans to request a copy of the OT notes. We have offered to enroll SS in local camps during our visitation. BM always throws a fit. We once tried to enroll SS in a NFL football camp with our state's NFL team. BM freaked out stating it wouldn't be beneficial since it wasn't with SS' youth team. Then, later in the summer, BM enrolled SS in the same NFL camp provided by her state's NFL team. DH was pissed. So we have stopped wasting our visitation encouraging sports because we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Instead, we swim in the pool, go camping, etc. 

Baby girl is doing amazing! She is happy and healthy and will be three weeks old tomorrow, which was cannot believe. We are absolutely in love with her. DH has stepped up full force, both while I was in labor and now. He has no problem being up all night, changing diapers, dealing with spit up, helping with feedings. He is absolutely smitten with her. DH is just so excited to be all in with our daughter. You should have seen the way his face lit up when he was added as an emergency contact on her medical file or when he got to sign medical consent forms. 

I actually have a mild form of cerebral palsy and have gone through the toe-walking, wearing the AFO leg braces, the surgeries, several rounds of botox injections, etc. so I am well versed in this arena. When I saw BM's email, I knew her claims were bs and told DH to address the need for PT and any possible implications for sports. We can't trust the sports coach, as it is BM's BFF who has aided in BM's PAS attempts and falsified documents on BM's behalf during our custody battle. I hadn't thought about asking the teacher - although the teacher indicated at the last parent teacher conference that there was no indication of ADHD tendencies in class. That may be a possibility. 

Oh we do tons of physical stuff with SS - biking, swimming, camping, crafting, etc. This kid does not lack for stimulation at our house.