SS10 Visit
SS10 arrived on Saturday for his first two week visit of summer. DH drove the 8 hours roundtrip to BM's to get him. DH said that BM wasn't home at the time of pick-up so GF handled the exchange and instructed DH on SS' medication for his throat issue in case we need it. A friend of DH and I texted us to let us know about BM's engagement, saying he saw the post on FB. He is FB friends with BM and GF so he can keep tabs on them, since BM and GF used to use FB to trash talk us once upon a time. According to him, they made a big to-do about their engagement. All I can say is, good for them.
The visit so far has been relatively uneventful. SS did arrive with another perfume covered stuffed animal which he promptly threw in his closet, where it has stayed for the past 5 days. We had a nice Memorial weekend, spending time with family, cooking out and swimming. SS has been slightly bored this week, since I have been working from home and he has no one to play with. We have found ways to keep him busy though. We leave to go on a camping trip tomorrow and will be gone for 4 days. SS is excited.
BM and GF called tonight and talked to SS for 30 minutes. We were playing army men with SS and when the phone rang, he shoved us out of his room and shut the door. I could hear everything from DD's room. They wanted a full step-by-step explanation of the layout of our new house. SS didn't really provide it, just saying we had a living room, dining area and kitchen and three bedrooms. They said "it must be so nice having your own room there..." He has had his own room everywhere we have lived and they know that; we have rented a 2 bedroom apartments and decorated his rooms specifically for him since 2015 for 6 weeks of visitation per year. Frankly, I think its nuts to have a dedicated room for a child who is never here, which is why this time around, the room will be neutral and have a queen size bed for guests. SS did show BM and GF the backyard from his bedroom window (no grass, only dirt due to new construction). BM said the yard looked small and tried to put down the color of the siding of the house. It is a small yard - roughly 6,000 square feet, like what you would find for a condo, but it's less to take care of. BM and GF then talked to SS about wedding planning, but I couldn't hear any of that. SS didn't seem as defensive, rude, or negatively impacted by BM and GF's call, after getting off the phone like he normally is, which was a nice change.
All in all, it's been nicer than other visitations. I hope we keep on this trend and he continues to enjoy himself and doesn't use it to act as an informant for BM and GF. I also hope that after visitation, there are no abuse allegations like last summer. Fingers crossed for the next 9 days.
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Thanks for the update, I had wondered how things were going.
Thanks for the update, I had wondered how things were going. BM and GF sure do seem to care a lot about what you guys are up to! Glad to hear things are going so well.
It's pretty pathetic how
It's pretty pathetic how involved these women feel they need to be in your lives when they have full custody and you hardly ever see the kid
Spawn would see Meth Mouth EOW and it would start with a half hour grilling session from GrandHag and Meth Mouth about what had gone on in our home for the past two weeks. When Spawn would come home DH would ask her “How was your weekend?” She would always snap at him and tell him it was none of his business. I can’t imagine how that must have felt having to share every little detail of the past two weeks with these disgusting women who then twisted every little thing into something bad. It’s no wonder DH never had a chance to have a healthy relationship with Spawn.
Oh it's the same way with BM
Oh it's the same way with BM and GF. Last summer, BM emailed DH claiming that SS didn't even make it out of our apartment complex parking lot before breaking down sobbing about what had occurred during our time. This is when she accused us of physical abuse. She also said we had been eavesdropping on their phone calls with SS during visitation. No BM, SS broke down crying because you sat in the parking lot for an additional 10 minutes after pick-up (which I saw out the window) berating him on everything that happened during our visit and SS knew he had a 4 hour car ride home with you. And no, we also generally do not eavesdrop, but happen to hear things through the walls.
Since this incident, BM and GF have told SS that he needs to essentially "hide" during phone calls with them and keep everything at a whisper to prevent us from hearing. If they call, SS runs to the farthest room in the house or hides in his room with the door shut to talk. During Christmas, we were in the basement, they called and he ran to the garage to take the call. But when we call SS twice a week per the CO, they force him to sit at the kitchen table to talk while they cook dinner and eavesdrop in the background. And of course it is all on Facetime, so they can hear everything said by both sides.
I think BM and GF push so hard because we do have SS so little. They only have 6 weeks a year to gain as much information as they can about our lives, versus someone who would see us EOW. Plus, they are blocked on all social media and our accounts are super private, so even if they used a friend's account to look us up, they wouldnt see anything. Heck, I hid my pregnancy with DD from BM, GF, and SS until I was 31 weeks because I found out when SS was here last summer but didn't say anything until he arrived at Christmas. It must eat BM and GF up knowing that we can essentially lead a secret life because unless they see us, they know nothing.
Yes exactly all of this would
Yes exactly all of this would happen with Spawn as well. It was just so ridiculous to me that half the time I would say things intentionally around Spawn that weren't true and wouldn't you know next court date that information would be part of Meth Mouth's reasoning for needing custody back. It was always mundane things like "Oh we bought a new couch." "Oh we took the kids to the pool last weekend." Really silly things that Meth Mouth would get so worked up about. Like okay stalker I get it you want my life, but you had your chance and opted to be a drug addict.
That is super annoying like a 10 year old boy
cares about the layout of a house to even talk about with anyone. That is just unnecessary information. It is amazing how these HCBM's want any and all information of things that are not their business on the other parent's time, however it is like pulling teeth to get information they should be sharing.
I am glad you decided to do that. We are still renting and hopefully this year is the last year of that. We opted to get a 2 bedroom apartment and then even stay one more year in a two bedroom apartment because SD is not here enough. We gave SD the largest of the bedrooms, which has a queen size bed in it. When SD is not here it is used as a guest room and then in one corner of the room is my desk, printer, etc. since I work from home. We have neutral colored furniture, but then a special comforter, etc. that we put on the bed when SD is here. The frame of the bed has underneath storage so when she isn't here and we have guests we can put away misc. toys that take up floor space and do not fit on her bookcase or toy box. I really wanted to originally move into a 3 bedroom especially since we are trying for a baby, but since I am not pregnant now and after summer we only get her for spring break before we are looking for a house, we opted against spending the extra money for an unused room majority of the year.
I am happy this visitation is going better! Hopefully the rest of the summer visitations will be as pleasant as this one!