BM made the move. 

BM and DH dated on and off from high school to the first 2 years of college. During this time, BM had several suicide attempts, ran away from home twice, and engaged in cutting behaviors. She was institutionionalized twice. The therapist determined that this behavior was attention seeking due to emotional neglect from her parents. BM's parents essentially had kids to check off the "life to do checklist" but were not nurturing or loving. After all of the mental health issues started to impact DH's mental health, he decided to take a step back. About a year later, they ran into each other at a community event and her parents pushed them to get back together because BM was "so stable now." So they did. 7 months later, BM ended up pregnant and had gotten off her birth control without telling DH, saying a baby would finally get her the attention she deserved. She dumped DH and told him she was pregnant over text a week later. She ghosted DH for the entire pregnancy. When DH attempted to go to an ultrasound, she sent him on a wild goose chase to a clinic she wasn't even a patient at. 

After SS was born, DH took BM to court for visitation/custody and to confirm CS. BM prolonged the court battle for 2 years, all while denying visitation for the first two years. BM was granted sole legal and physical custody due to the laws about unwed parents in our state. Then she said that SS needed limited visitation with DH, since he had never met him. DH was granted 3 hours every other Sunday. Over the first five years of SS' life, this was only increased at a snail's pace maxing out at 6 hours every other Sunday and 2.5 hours every Monday. When DH would ask for overnights or more visitation, BM always had excuses from appropriate child development, to fake medical conditions, etc. Living locally to BM was hell because it was constant games and demands. She would only offer additional visitation if DH gave her more money and other tactics were played. It was only peaceful when BM got exactly what she wanted and DH rarely gave her what she wanted. He maintained strong boundaries. 

Finally, in Spring 2017, DH pushed for overnights again, threatening court. SS was 5. BM informed DH that she was moving out of state to be with her girlfriend (who we knew nothing about). We consulted an attorney who said that we had no choice in the matter due to her sole custody and the CO not spelling out moving. She moved SS during first semester of Kindergarten, only telling DH a day before they left. 

We have since taken BM to court, which took a year and a load of money, to have a judge tell us to drop rope essentially. We were granted 6 weeks per year (two 2-week stints in summer and alternating holiday breaks) and sports are priority over DH's parenting time per the CO. DH was devastated. 

BM has spent the last 3 years pushing very hard for GF to be SS' other parent. She once told SS that GF and BM are his real parents and that DH was a sperm donor for them. She has encouraged SS to call GF "Mom" since Day 1. BM and GF have also told DH that GF would have adopted SS by now if they didn't benefit from the CS so much, like DH would just willingly allow that to happen, which he would not. GF is listed on all medical and school documents as "Father" and when DH contacts schools and medical offices for SS' records, they state that they were unaware of DH as Father because the record shows otherwise. Every visitation, SS, who is 9, has a perfume covered stuffed animal with BM and GF's perfume all over it for "when he misses them so much." 

DH understands that his relationship with SS will be different due to distance, but this is also just blatant PAS. 

Yes. We are so thankful for this piece. He is very respectful toward DH and I and wants to see us. The only arguments we get from SS are when our household functions differently from BMs. He always says "Well BM does it this way or BM says..." We always just remind him that each household functions differently and has different rules.

It's just hard because SS never tells DH that he misses him or loves him or anything because his "family" is with BM and GF. He rarely shows DH affection and isn't as comfortable and warm/fuzzy with us like he is with them. Its like he keeps DH at a distance. DH said that SS has never included him in any school projects about family or heritage. SS' school report about his family tree only had BM, GF and BM's family, DH wasn't listed anywhere and SS didn't think anything of it. At one point, SS wasn't even aware that he shares DNA with DH. They did a school project about DNA and SS thought he got it all from BM and GF. He thought he had blonde hair because GF has blonde hair. 

But, it's hard on SS too. Last summer, we were driving to visit family and SS started crying and said "Why don't I see you more?" and DH said that he had tried to work with BM to see SS more but she felt it would be best to have this arrangement (trying not to badmouth BM or disclose the events of our nasty court battle). We told SS that we would love to see him as much as he wanted and that if he wanted to see us more, he needed to tell BM. SS told us that he does tell BM, but she says "No" or "We'll See." Then he turned around in the same breath and said "BM said I can't handle being away from her for more than 2 weeks at a time." We asked SS if he felt he could handle more than 2 weeks at a time and you would have thought we had two heads... it's like he has never considered that question. He is so brainwashed to believe that everything BM says is gospel and never thinks for himself or questions anything. DH is working on this with SS in a way that doesn't PAS against BM.