SO and I are getting married!

SO and I have been living together for almost 5 years now. Since his last marriage did not end well he maintained from the beginning that he wasn't interested in marrying again. It wasn't important to me and I've been fine with it.

Surprisingly he brought up the question on Friday and I said I would love to be his wife. Now he is going to get a ring and do a proper proposal so until then we aren't telling anyone (except you guys LOL). It really feels like we already are married in many ways so this feels right to both of us.

We are planning for summer of 2022 - we'll get legally married at City Hall and have a small reception for close family only near the town where he grew up (where his mother lives - mostly because she really can't travel anymore). Even limiting it to close family will probably be 75 people with spouses, kids, etc. We'll also have a smaller, casual gathering near us for friends.

We will have a lot to work out between now and then, including the question of whether to do a pre-nup or not. At this stage we have a couple of joint accounts but the rest are our individual accounts. My house in a living trust and allows him to remain in the home after my death for as long as he wants - but once he passes or moves out the house will be sold with the proceeds going to my niece and nephew. I may talk to someone about whether a pre-nup makes sense - I'm mostly concerned about the house not going to his bios after we both pass and less about the other accounts.

Bratty will be beside herself with anguish, I'm sure :) But at least she'll be pre-occupied with those med school applications next summer...hahaha.

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Congratulations!

Pre-nups are not always worth the money it takes to draw them up (and the lawyers involved). Just depends on what you have coming into the marriage and your state laws. If you contribute to your 401K, I do think you will need a pre-nup to protect what you contribute during the marriage.

ETA: Since your house is already in a living trust, I think you're good with that.

It has occurred to me...

that I may actually be worse off with a pre-nup.

My current financial plan has me working through this year then leaving early next. By the time of our wedding I should be de-cumulating (i.e. spending from) assets (except for the house). SO plans to work another 2-3 years after me so he'll still be accumulating and may surpass me.

But honestly I would only want to keep what I brought into the marriage and not really interesting in freeloading off of anyone. The house is my main concern so if the attorney says its fine in the trust then we'll decide what to do from there.

Congratulations!

All the best to you and your SO.

I don't know what 401s etc are, as I'm a Kiwi, but I think a pre nup makes a lot of sense.

Congratulations

This is very happy news for you !!

Congratulations!

At least you know what you're getting into....(jk....LOL)!

Have fun with it! We enjoyed our wedding week greatly and hope to go back for our 5th anniversary this year!

Talk to a lawyer about a

Talk to a lawyer about a prenuptial. When I went the lawyer brought up concerns I had not even thought about. Go by yourself.

We used separate lawyers. I wanted my lawyer to represent me. My lawyer was well worth the cost. His lawyer not so much as he basically deferred to my lawyer. But, in the end, it protects both of us.

After you marry, go back and do wills and powers of attorney that reflect the prenuptial. If you have any IRAs or 401ks or life insurance make sure that the beneficiary is who you wish it to be (as in some if your beneficiary is not your spouse, the spouse has to sign off).

Adding -- I was the one who wanted the prenuptial. I wanted our financial intentions on paper before we married. I wanted to cut off the SDs from any idea that they would profit from the marriage. I wanted to stop any idea that a will would be challengeable.

Thanks everyone

For all the well wishes

For now I'm in the middle of refinance on the house that should close in June. I'll contact a lawyer after that and let you know which way we ended up going, and why

Congrats!! That's very

Congrats!! That's very exciting!!

Congratulations and one question

Will Bratty be your flower girl? Ring bearer?

Nothing

Bratty will be nothing since we're getting married at City Hall. She'll get an invite to the reception but will have to suffer through a non-vegan dinner menu assuming she bothers to come at all.

Thanks

I think you should opt for

I think you should opt for heavy hors d'oeuvres, no vegan options available. Dairy and meat it up.

Congrats Canine!

I could have been you several years ago and REALLY wish I had done the pre-nup. I have twin skids. (grown SS and grown SD). SO and I lived together for several years before marrying. SD is my own version of Bratty. While I thought we had a decent relationship, she definitely went a little nuts once we decided to marry.

Both while we were dating and after marriage, I always had a larger net worth. Although DH made much more $$, he saved less, spent more, and took on much more debt. He has continued this behavior despite my objections. Both Skids have no idea what I'm worth and actually consider me a gold-digger!

I retired early before we married at DH's request, so I have not had earned income during our marriage. HOWEVER, beware that $$ you have in retirement accounts like a 401K can continue to grow, and that is considered $$ made during the marriage. This is what I should have protected as my retirement investments have done quite well. My DH has continued to take out loans to help fund the grown, but very entitled skids. (all for nice toys and wishlist items, not necessities). He is now talking about changing his will to give them much more, since "you have so much MostlyGrace". And, DH expects me to pay off his debts from. my own retirement funds. WHAT? I saved enough and (delayed gratification for many things) so that I would have a comfortable retirement, but I definitely will not be rich by any means. And I did not plan on paying off someone else's debts that I lobbied against. What DH was originally going to leave me was just to cover his debt and keep our house over my head.

We've had our ups and downs, but his new comments over his will give me pause. Had I only known of this forum and followed the advice of so many like futuro, I would have done things differently and feel safer now. If we were to divorce now I might have to give him a substantial amount of $$ from my 401K.

Laws can vary by state. Absolutely consult an attorney to understand you risk, even if you don't go for the pre-nup.

Thanks MostlyGrace

Fortunately SO is responsible financially and doesn't overspend. His retirement accounts are almost the same as mine. I have the house equity that puts me over the top.

But I will definitely consider your point - we can't know the future and what if SO goes a little nuts and wants to spend big $$ to fund perpetual student Bratty McBratFace? Yes in CA I think the growth on any investment account including retirement can be considered community property. Will definitely check things out.