So what did his father do when he voluntarily vandalized your table? That the kid couldn't explain it is not a reason not to discipline him for that. If he'd done that in a restaurant would your DuH have sat there and let him do it?

There are a plethora of reasons on why your stepkid claims he doesn't like you. The most common are:

Loyalty binds: his mom doesn't like you and has given him "reasons" (most likely bias and assumptions) to make him believe she is correct in not liking you 

Self Preservation: his mom doesn't like you and if he displays any positivity towards you or about you in discussion he gets punished or BM withholds love/affection/guilts him for "preferring you over her" even if that's not the case, an insecure Bm will make it like that

Teen Delusions: some teens based on their parents behavior, past relationships or the child's exposure to pop culture (where stepmoms are usually evil/bad) he still might want his parent to get back together. I think this is mostly for younger kids but it's in preteens too or immature  kids especially if the parents are still regularly playing family like doing joint parties, having dinner together. 
 

find out which of these most likely apply to your stepchild and work from there. If it's the BM causing the issues then you'll need to understand there's not much you can do to change what's going on other than to show him you aren't who she says you are; if it's the loyalty binds you can show him it's ok for him to like you both. You don't have to be her biggest fan but sometimes a "wow, that was nice of her" or "I'm glad y'all had fun together" or whatever can disarm him from thinking you are the enemy so to speak. If it's the delusional bit about parent getting back together then you need to check your spouses boundaries with bm to see if the kid is reaching or has legitimate reasons for thinking his parents get along well enough to still be together. Then your DH needs to firmly but gently explain why his relationship with the bm didn't work out and why he won't ever be with her again regardless if he's with you or alone or anyone else. (Taking you out of the scenario will keep the target off your back) 

Run.

Oh, the fun of ADHD.

Does he have allowance? If so, make him pay for the repair for whatever he breaks. This will not make him like you more, but at least it's possible for him to think twice before breaking stuff again.

Have you tried send him to bed early if he outright disrespects and refuses to change. No TV, no tablet, no books, no music, just plain go to bed and see you tomorrow morning. Your DH will need to be on the same page for this method though. I don't like my SS and i don't care if he likes me anymore. But this is the house I pay for, if he's not happy to follow the rules, he's welcome to move to his mom's (sadly he won't). 

FIrst - You husband needs to address it sternly and two - the son needs to go to therapy. THe kid has to grow up - his parents arent getting together and dont let him win by ruining your marriage. 

Your first problem is your DH. Why does he allow this? He needs to explain to his son, that it's totally fine he doesn't like you. However, he needs to show you respect. This includes material property too. If your DH doesn't expect respect from his son, why should he have any reason to give it? I'd put down my foot with DH and say this is a dealbreaker, if your DH won't stand up for you, stand up for yourself. There is no reason to be treated like crap in your own home. I wouldn't put up with it. 

If my SS ever carved his name in our table, he'd have spent the next 4 weekends doing multiple chores to earn the money to buy us a new one. Taking his tablet is not enough. 

Your DH needs parenting classes ASAP. He needs to discipline SS For his disrespect - would SS be allowed to address Teachers, grandparents, neighbors this way? I agree with the others - kid would be doing mega chores and selling personal items - starting with his tablet - until a new table was paid for. 

We had SDnow 21 who was like this. DH tried everything - taking away electronics, taking door off room. She had no friends or activities, so there was really nothing else. He never had her do chores, and Ive heard this will work wonders. Have him do laps, or pushups or some kind of activity (supervised of course).

Has he been tested for autism?

I agree with the others who stated that your DH is not being a good parent to SS or a good partner to you. 

If that was to happen in my house I know exactly what my DH would do. The table would sanded, puttied and refinished by SS (with DH's supervision). You have to have proper punishments for the crime. Taking a tablet does nothing- unless something directly happened with the tablet. He messed up the table, now he can fix it. He can also do extra chores for the cost of the materials to refinish it. 

I was told by SS years ago that Mommy & Daddy are getting back together so I don't have to listen to you. I was quiet for a while and then one day he said it and I snapped. I told DH that he had to say something or I would.  He said don't worry about it. 

Then we went through the SS can do no wrong phase, were kind of still there which I find rediculous. SS was just diagnosed with ADHD only becasue school told BM she had to do something about his behavior, he was getting up and walking out of class and being disruptive. I had been there with my own DS so I wasn't that surprised but DH is in denial. 

SS is a liar, it's getting worse the older he gets becasue the things he lies about are getting bigger. he breaks things, leaves food out , and has even peed himself and doesn't know anything about it. he walks around constantly with his phone in his face, I have told him that he isn't allowed to take the phone to the bathroom or have it at the table during meals but I get NO back up from DH. I am waiting for the day he drops it into the toilet, BM pays for the phone so I don't care if it gets ruined.  

I try to keep my interactions with SS to a minimum. I refuse to run to McDonalds for special lunches or cook special dinners becasue he decides he doesn't like or want what we are having, he eats what we have or DH can play cook. 

I have given up