so over it
I need advice it's going to be a long post, not sure where else to go. We have 4 kids we have been married 6 years but have been together 12 my husband brought 3 bio children in to the marriage and I brought 1 bio daughter. My stepchildrens bio mother wanted nothing to do with them for 2 years and my husband and I raised all the children together. We have had are stressful days but now I'm not sure what to do so try to keep up with me. In the past year my ss18 and sd13 have gone to live with there bio mother because " I'm mean" I have rules and we don't back down on punishments where bio mother does. But now neither ss18 or sd13 will come visit there father unless its my weekend to work ( which is every other weekend). I have to have surgery in few weeks which means I will not be working my normal sched for work. So last night my sd15 ( still lives with us just visits bio mother once a week) blows up my phone once I finally answer it I keep getting questioned as to what weekend I'm working and not I ask her why and get told that sd13 and ss18 want to know when they can come over with out me there. I let my husband know and he can't believe them which I don't understand why that is he knows they want nothing to do with me. I don't even like it when they visit because it doesn't matter how clean the house is when I leave for work it's a mess when I come home and my bio daughter and sd15 leave for that weekend so they don't have to deal with ther others attitudes. But because ss18 and sd13 don't live here they don't care how they treat there bio father or me they will not clean up after there self and sd13 will steal anything and everything she can from me ( husband knows) then er have a problem with a relative on bio mothers side that when there is a post or pic on Facebook by sd15 about my bio daughter or me there are nasty hateful comments left and my family can she what the relative writes ( it's a adult around 34). Last night I explain to my husband from now on I will leave with my bio daughter the weekends I work and will not return until sd18 and sd13 return back to there bio mothers on Sunday just to keep the tension down I ask ss18 or sd13 to do anything it's a argument and honestly I'm tired of doing it. Help!!!
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I would not leave....I would
I would not leave....I would say to DH if they are going to see you pick them up rent a hotel room and i'll see Sunday.....leaving your home...ahhh DONT THINK SO!!!!! and to boot your having surgery and will have to leave with your child....That is crazy...If DH dont understand that there is more than just Skid problems....Hope all goes well...
This is your home. Don't
This is your home. Don't leave because these people who you are not overly fond of plan to visit. They are coming to visit your husband. If your husband invited one of his friends over{ someone that you did not particularly care for} you would expect him to see that the house was not left in shambles and he cleaned up any mess. The difference being that these are people that he was entertaining on his own. Not people that you were both inviting and entertaining together.
You would go about your everyday routine and they would be expected to entertain theirselves. If one of his friends had a history of stealing from your home then you would have areas that were off limits. Same here.
Does the 15 yr. old sd have her own room? If she does, and since part of their reason to visit may be with that sister they should watch tv and congregate in her room. Leave the livingroom available for your use of relaxing and watching tv. That leaves the mess they make in her room as her responsibility.
DO NOT CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR
DO NOT CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THEM
If they want to come when you are not there they can call that day and find out if you are there. I don't think they should get overnight privileges either.
Just do what you and BD want to do on any given day. Let them work around that. Perfect would be them never setting foot in your home again - but maybe you cannot pull that off with your husband.
I only allow my SS here on a very, very limited basis. Maybe for dinner once a month - and I may or may not stay. I even kind of like him - but he is very flawed and I just don't want to get involved with his life (drugs, alcohol, jail, homelessness, etc.)
But I own our home outright in my name only (owned it before met DH - we are older) so I have total say over who is allowed here. I realize that not everyone has the level of control that I do.
Thank you for your inputs
Thank you for your inputs today and I have decided to follow your advice and you are all right this is my house not there's they only come here to see what they can get and I make sure it's slim pickings, DH and I have talked about these things today and he agrees with me:) woohoo so when ss18 and sd13 come to visit Friday they will be informed that if they can't act there age, show respect, clean up there own messes , etc.. Then neither on will be able to stay the nights anymore and that they will visit on sat and sun 8 am to 8 pm I'm sooo sure bm will be excited to know she will have to have them up early thanks again