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Losing my mind!!!!

britb3042000's picture

Submitted by britb3042000 on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 12:50am

So I have the biggest beat down spouse and skids and one bd (shes good) that I had with my fiance. He has a son whos 10 and daughter 9 and the ex is complete trash who only comes around eowe.Let me give a quick summary...I have known my fiance since HS and we reconnected in 2009.Things went quick and we moved in together. He had full custody of his kids and I admired that.Come to find out he is a lazy irresponsible dad but thats a whole other story. Basically he got a job right after I moved in that he had to travel alot.Basically 3wks out of the month then home a week. I had no kids but found out quickly I was pregnant with our daughter.He dumped his kids off on me and then guilted me for anything I said about his kids.I was trapped.I tried making the best of it until his son was constantly crapping his pants, cussing neighbor kids out being kicked out of school and final straw was telling people i abused him.I never ever touched that kid. I am a wonderful mother but this kid is a complete cook and hid dad is in denial / too lazy to get him counseling and the mom is the same. When the abuse accusations came I made him move to his mothers bc i wont risk my daughter getting put through the ringer or myself with this crazy bullshit. Now I have my daughter and his which I adore.Then this past week after literally I do EVERYTHING for her. I spoil this girl! Muffins with mom came up for school and when I went to fill the paperwork out my sd said (with the rudest face) umm i want my mother to go! I literally felt like I got the wind knocked out of me but calmly said oh ok thats fine! Since then I have wanted out of this thankless situation more than I ever have.I totally disconnected with my sd. Of course her mom didnt show for it but honestly I dont see this kind of thing ever ending and I can't handle a life full of this hard work and being rejected for the mom who couldn't be bigger trash.Any advice or common feelings I welcome!!

Comments

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 5:04am

It's never going to be easy, the solace I found was in later years when SD did some introspection and realized exactly what was going on with her mother. I think you did the right thing when you kept calm and it was a learning curve for SD that her mom did not show. She will still defend her mom, that's a given...right? However, she will also come to know that you were the one there for her with all the major life hurdles she has faced/will face. She's still growing and learning and one day, completely out of the blue, she'll see things for what they really are.
Being a step parent is one of the most difficult challenges anyone can face in life. For the last three years I have actually disengaged from 'parenting' since they all said I am no good at it (euphamism for I am not a soft touch) and I would not give them what they wanted etc.
Your bio parents are such heroes so go ask them and see if they are any more giving than I am...LOL SHARP learning curve for ALL of them.
It's still worth it for me to be building a relationship with step kids, deep down they know the truths of situations but denial is built in with them. They'll grow up, regardless of what I do or do not do for them.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 6:18am

This guy has been using you from the start.

Who just happens to find that type of job 3 weeks after moving someone in? What single parents makes the choice to take a job that requires them to travel 3 weeks out of the month? What single parent moves someone in with their kids that quickly? He may have known you for years, but he had no idea how you and his kids would get along.

I bet anything he knew about this job before you started dating. He just needed to find someone to parent his kids before taking the leap.