Anyone else find this hypocritical?
Forums:
These bio parents want and expect us to accept their kids as our own and as our own family completely however when there is a fight they are quick to kick us out and cut us out of their kids lives completely and be one happy family without you and eventually look for a replacement. When you mention it they say "Well you shouldnt make me mad then...." Often these fights are over their kids behaviors to begin with and the bio parent sticking up for their kids and turnign on us. Hypocritical much?
Mark, you're in an abusive
Mark, you're in an abusive relationship with a woman who doesn't love or respect you. Do something about it!
You are never going to get what you want or need from this marriage. Please, please start taking care of YOU.
If your spouse has kicked you
If your spouse has kicked you out, stay gone.
Divorce and separation are the ends of relationships, not threats to keep a person in line.
Move on.
mark
I am going to discuss 1 part of your thread. My hope is you will find it beneficial now and maybe in the future.
Do you have kids living in your neighborhood? Do YOU love them like you were their bio father, 'like your own". Probably not.
Have you attended a school activity with your step child? At least one right? Do you love step kids class mates JUST LIKE YOUR OWN flesh and blood.....probably not.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to love a no biologically related child equal to a bio parent/or family member. To assert one must OR should, is scientifically hog wash.
Society has in essence caused more confusion, angry, harm, guilt , morally feeling awful when love of a step kid is not like bio family bond and that something MUST be wrong with the step parent by insisting Steps feeeeel something they can not humanly feel.
The next time anyone tells you that YOU should 'love someone elses child just like your own....ask them if they love the neighborhood kids 'round the block 'just like their own'. If they say WELL YOU SHOULD ....ask them Who reported that information to them?.....
We are wired this way. To love our own MORE THAN anyone else 'could' or should.
Garbage if anyone calls you (anyone) rotten, awful when we dont love someone elses kid like 'our own"....WE CANT because of thousands of years of bonds, simply put. Just like bio kids will not reject a bio parent without pathogenic parenting present. THEY are wired, WE are wired this way.
Dont take the bait and one more thing do not ever cut a deal with an abuser.
Not commenting on your
Not commenting on your personal situation per se, but there is a tremendous amount of hypocrisy when it comes to being a SP. I just got off a different board where a SM was being taken to task and virtually accused of being Evil SM just because she admitted she was having a lot of difficulty bonding with her stepchild.
I told her to just Goggle or Bing ‘I cannot bond with my stepchild’ and you’d find multiple well-written articles and discussions about how missing the biological bond, unrealistic expectations and so on can interfere with child bonding. And, I also told her, just as an FYI, you can google ‘I cannot bond with my child’ and find just about the same number of articles. So, whether step- or bio-, she wasn’t really alone in her difficulties. But, there sure were a lot of people out there instantly bringing out the ammo rather than support.
So, yeah, this is just one example. We are supposed to act like a mom whenever someone thinks we are supposed to act like one. We are supposed to act like a wife only whenever someone other than our DH gives permission. In addition to being mind-readers, we are supposed to stay out of everything and do only what those around us think we should be doing. Bio-parents, on the other hand, for the most part can do and be whatever they feel like with little judgment or accusations of evilness or abandonment.
This is why you find so many SPs after yeah many years saying, “Screw it! I can’t win.” And they are correct. The smart ones just start doing as they may and everyone else can now take it or leave it. If someone decides to leave (it), you are better off anyway. No one wants to just be an asterisk in the life of someone they are married to, and if you find yourself continually falling to the bottom of your partner’s priority list, that is pretty much what they are saying—you are insignificant.
So with you on this one!
So with you on this one!
This is how you know your SO
This is how you know your SO is manipulative, and maybe as far as a narcissist. Playing the kids as a pawn against ANYONE (Ex, SO, Parents, InLaws, Ex-InLaws, etc) is a huge red flag. If she plays this game with you now, and you fall for it then you won’t stand a chance when she has one of yours.