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So, here goes nothing!!

bribaby1105's picture

It's been a few months since my last blog post, so let me bring you up to speed. Since January/February, SD11 has been asking if she can move in the us; she is very unhappy at her mothers. We have 50/50 legal and physical custody with a CO. In late May/early June, BM began dating someone. SD11 liked him at first, but she says "he's worn out his welcome" Apparently he is ALWAYS spending the night (and they are ALL in the same room!! BM, SD11, BM's daughter 3yr, and BF; they live with BM's father in a 2bdrm apt). SD11 has seen "things" when BM thinks she's asleep (TRAUMATIZING!!) and is just "done with my mom" as she states it. SD11 finally got up the nerve and told BM in March that she wanted to move with us. At first BM thought it was our idea, but after talking with us and SD, she realized it wasn't. She claimed she was "open" to the idea if SD really wanted to; we agreed to get done with the school year and talk over the summer. Well, we are just beginning with the "talk" and she is really hesitating. We don't want this to turn into a HUGE fight because it won't solve anything. Any idea on how to approach this without seeming like we are attacking BM and her parenting abilities? There are SOOO many reasons SD would be better off with us, but how do we explain that without seeming like we are "attacking" her?? She gets VERY defensive over everything...

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Anywho78's picture

I'd go with simply listing why it would be in SD's best interest to stay with you & your DH instead of going with the "attack" method...although it sounds as if you have plenty of ammo.

If you currently have 50/50, I'm assuming it would go to BM having her EOWE? I'm sure that will help with the back & forth drama you've had in the past with your SD (not due to parenting but rather to it being easy for SD to "forget" to communicate when needed). Her seeing her BM EOWE would enable her to have time to "miss" her instead of feeling like she's "done" with her...other than that, all I've got is that She'd have her own room & she'd have much needed privacy which is needed for a girl of that age.

You could stress that you & your DH having her during the school year would lessen the stress & load on BM.

If all else fails, a judge would normally not look kindly on BM's living situation. That coupled with the fact that your 11yr old SD wants to live with you should make a court case semi-easy!

It's a tough one though...good luck!