Skids are being rejected for rudeness & we are all feeling it.

The skids aunt (my SIL) have requested that we exchange gifts without the skids & only my kids. This is due to a long history (like forever) of the skids acting terrible. Terrible meaning- coming into their home not making eye contact, not greeting them or responding to greetings, when they eat there they act rude, like the food is a punishment, when they're given something they don't say thank you, even when prompted they are rude- soft spoken, condescending, no eye contact, respond with "why do I have to say thank you, I don't like it" My husband has just recently begun disciplining these behaviors & the kids are responding to his disciplining, but like I said it's just recent. I have witnessed this behavior for the four years I've been involved. My SIL says it's his the kids have always been. I believe the reason they act this way is because their bio mom bad mouths EVERYONE & the skids are struggling with a loyalty complex caused from parent alienation. Whatever the reason-- it's terrible. Terrible. And I completely understand why SIL has said- NO MORE AT MY HOUSE! I have not told my DH of her request to exclude them, I have urged him to steer these misbehaving kids to do better & to follow through & actively parent them. (Which again is recent & he is doing & they are responding well to.) I know if I bring it up he will say if his kids aren't welcome then we will not go with my kids. My kids are not biologically related, although they've been accepted & live & love as blood family & it would kill them to be excluded. I've thought about just going for the gift & meal exchange & bringing the skids & not telling DH... Of course there won't be gifts for them. Ugh. Help. What to do?

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Sorry, but it is your SIL's

Sorry, but it is your SIL's right to exclude them for the bad behavior. Take the good kids and maybe they will learn a lesson and your DH will see it for what it is...someone else trying to parent his kids, because he won't. Good for SIL.

Is your SIL your DHs' sister?

Is your SIL your DHs' sister? If so, she needs to tell him that his spawn are not welcome at their Aunt's home due to their rude behavior. If the SIL is your brother's wife then by all means tell your DH the stipulation that his rude spawn are not welcome due to their behavior.

Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts and your DH needs the facts in order to clearly understand that his rude spawn are impacting many people other than just those in the household he shares with you.

I would also let your DH know that he can not refuse the invitation and punish you and your children. He needs to let the Skids know that they are not welcome due to their rude behavior and also point out to them that the recent new behavioral rules will be enforced even more stringently since their behavior is causing him not to be able to enjoy spending time with other people. He should leave his spawn at their mother's house and enjoy the day with you and your kids.

IMHO of course.

She is HIS brother's wife.

She tells me the request I believe bc as my DH allowed poor behaviors for so long, so does her husband. (brothers)

Ah. Got it. Thanks for the

Ah. Got it. Thanks for the clarification. Still, I think she needs to tell him (your DH) and tell her own husband. But, since she went to you then I would go ahead and tell DH not to plan to have his spawn on TG day.

Good luck.

My fdhs family doesn't

My fdhs family doesn't exclude the skids but comment on their poor behavior frequently. I would talk with your dh about this and find your position for the Holidays together. The reality of the situation is that people are fed up and even though dh is working to change, family is just the start...what happens when they struggle to have other relationships in their lives? This will happen. The children have to learn how to be a part of a community...people need to be connected to other people and the kids need to understand what that looks like.

I went to him bc people were

I went to him bc people were commenting & noticing the behavior & saying "Come... Wait do you have skids? If you have skids, then no offense, but don't come." I was horrified to think our family was being excluded bc of them & my kids were missing out on family time bc of the skids. So I went to DH saying you have got to do something! The skids own family are rejecting them. You have to parent them & require change... It's effecting how society treats them. Not only views them.

if SIL says that they are not

if SIL says that they are not welcome, well then, they are not welcome...maybe this will be a wake-up call for both your DH and the awful skids....

ummmm they have acted like

ummmm they have acted like this for the past 4 YEARS...they do not know they are excluded yet so that's NOT why....so do you reward for shitty behavior??????...I surely don't....and FYI--Christmas isn't about present anyways...it's about Jesus.....

good point Ladyface....

I understand this and our

I understand this and our "love and give and say the behavior is not okay and love some more and give and say the behavior will stop and love and unconditional everything and love some more" parenting style is NOT WORKING they are being rejected by FAMILY.

what is wrong with

:jawdrop: what is wrong with you?.....seriously?...are you Mormon or live in a compound in Utah, because that is the only reason I can think of with this whole "let's all hold hands and love one another despite complete and total shitty behavior towards the adults from a child" thing you have going on....sorry I just don't understand you...

and let me just add this.....

and let me just add this..... :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

lol.... ...either that or

lol.... }:) ...either that or she is on some really GOOD meds....

BE HEALED!...*slaps hand on

BE HEALED!...*slaps hand on forehead*

Christ never excluded anyone

Christ never excluded anyone for bad behavior

Um... didn't he obliterate the world with 40 days and 40 nights of rain for bad behavior?
didn't he drown the Egyptians in the Red Sea for bad behavior?
didn't he crumble the walls of Jericho for bad behavior

Beleive there are many, many, many more instances of consitant "bad behavior" not being tolerated by Christ.

I agree with poster's SIL.. her house, if she doesn't want skids there then so be it. Don't care if it Christmas, Festivus, or the second Tuesday of June. Her house, her rules.

I think your SIL needs to

I think your SIL needs to stop requesting you pass along her issues with her brother and his kids. If she has a beef, let her air it to her own brothers face (or phone whatever). If I were planning on excluding my nieces/nephews from my home during the holidays, I wouldn't wimp out and ask my SIL to tell my sibling the what and whys.

Your SIL has a 'right' to run the holiday in her home with who and how she choses but she also should have enough respect for her brother to speak directly to him. 'No, brother, I'm done putting up with your rude obnoxious children's behavior that ruins the celebrations each and everytime in my home'.

Yeah, your DH is finally trying to parent his kids. He's years late but I suppose he gets a few points for finally stepping up. Now that he's actually parenting and the kids are starting to respond to it, it's up to DH to repair the damage in his extended family his lack of parenting has caused. IMO that means DH is going to have to host a couple holidays in his home and show his family he now has his parenting skills in gear and the kids behavior is improving. This way he can dismiss the ill-behaved brats off to their rooms if they misbehave or are openly rude to the guest. The celebration can go on (minus the skids) without the rest of the family being exposed to it or ruining the day. If family sees the skids are behaving and improving the family then has the option to perhaps start inviting DH and his kids back into their homes. Or not. Dh has some damage control he has to deal with and he can't expect his poor parenting to be inflicted upon others nor in their homes.

Your Dh choose to not parent. His family has had enough of it being allowed in their homes. He can't fault the family for their feelings. He also can't 'punish' you and your kids for his children's attitudes and behavior.

I see that now. IMO though

I see that now. IMO though the brothers should be having this discussion. If brother of DH isn't hosting the skids and/or exchanging gift with skids, it's the brothers that should be doing the talk. I see no good coming from the wives handling this on their own and having messages passed along. Brother can tell his sibling that his family is not hosting the skids, why and then let the chips fall where they will.

If my sister and I were having issues or thought celebrations with each other had to change or cease, it sure wouldn't be our husbands doing the talking and message passing.

I'm thinking I need to tell

I'm thinking I need to tell SIL she needs to have the conversation with DH. That will solve that. He can decide whatever & if I have to I'll just drop my kids off for the event. (I know they know how to act when I'm not there)

I do understand Christlike love & giving. That's why it's been FOUR YEARS & like I said... The behavior of skids are not Christlike & the behavior is leading to be rejected by others including their own family. The skids may have to join a compound themselves when their family & eventually their community rejects them.

Parenting is a VERB. We have got to actively do something. If we aren't raising ENJOYABLE people what in God's name are we doing. (Pun intended)

This post kind of reminds me

This post kind of reminds me of something my SIL was complaining about. She has three children, and they ALL act like a pack of wild animals. She told me once "It is SO frsutrating! I can't take them out to restaurants or anything because they constantly misbehave".

Uh...Maybe my thinking is too 19th century, but proper manners and discipline, START AT THE HOME! If your DH does not step up and discipline his kids, he may soon find that Christmas at your SIL's is not the only place where his kids are not welcome.