I think before you get involved with someone with a kid, you should have to sign a waiver that goes into detail about all the emotional stress and anxiety that no one tells you about until its too late. I hate being a "backseat parent". My fiance has a four year old who I absolutely adore. He started preschool earlier this year at the Y where his BM also works. At some point the teachers said he wasn't listening and they thought he had ADHD because he wouldn't sit during circle time and wouldn't stay in line etc. I practically minored in psychology in college and one of the main things I learned in every class is that children are too hard to diagnose as ADHD because they could just be hyper (He is 4...) I mean if you taught him about bakugans or dinosaurs he'll pay attention, but he won't pay attention for long on anything else. Then BM got cancer and he started staying with us more, and he started listening in school. BM stopped going in for treatments as much and he started going back to her house, where she had her boyfriend/not boyfriend take him to school or send him to be babysat by someone else in the afternoons so SS4 starts acting up again at school and now he has like breakdowns. They told us eventually that he cries at school everyday at the same time and that sometimes when he gets upset he destroys things like his projects or books. They told my boyfriend they think it has to do with the foods that he eats like food that have red dye etc. So then BM told us he needs to follow her schedule so he has stability (Because sending him to her boyfriends mom all the time is really stabilizing...) SS4 has just started having these breakdowns with us. He says he acts up because he misses his mom or he says its because he has a quarter in his brain (I'm not sure what this means, but he keeps saying it so it must mean something to him). A few months ago he told me he cries because the kids at school were mean to him. I told my boyfriend, but he kind of shrugged it off as maybe he was mean first or something. Then tonight when I was telling him how we were proud of him for being good at school, he told me he wasn't and that he cried. When I asked him why he said because the kids at school told him they don't like him and that they hurt him and they run away from him. I just wanted to cry for him because this poor kid has much stress and he's only 4. I told my boyfriend what he said and he says that SS4 just tries to force kids to play with him too much and thats the problem. Thats what tough about being an almost step mom, I never know enough about the situation to do anything about it so I just sit there and watch and hope that someone else knows whats going on. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this or have had similar problems with their four year old?