It is tough. I think some parents think they can "show" the kids. In my case, my BS8 is like the kids in the store. He will ask to stay with me, can list the reasons why, will openly discuss not going to dads with anyone...I tell him "hey, you will have fun once you get there". I have tried discussing with ex..."hey, BS8 does not seem to want to come over this week, anything going on? Has he been in trouble?" Ex does not want to hear it, claims son is playing me, and that son says he hates mine while over there. Could be true and I just say "hey, just giving you a heads up, not trying to win a popularity contest here, just now you know you can keep an eye".

Basically, ex is full of crap. BS8's half-siblings also say BS8 hates going there, all he does is whine and cry and curl up in a ball apparently. Ex has said his half-siblings hate him right now, so kind of fits. If I were my ex, or the parents above, I am not sure what I would do, I would not want to NOT see the kid, and risk alienating further. I am at a bit of a loss in my own situation too, honestly.

Do you believe that children of that age have the maturity to rationalize about the situation and all it's outcomes? Have you ever looked back on an event in your childhood and said, "I'm glad you made me do that back then mom, I didn't want to but you knew better". Kids live in the moment. They may be saying that to their mom now but not knowing what they would be giving up to get what they want.

Just because the kids WANT something doesnt mean it makes that the best thing for them.

A lot of times my BS doesnt want to do something. But I make him do it and he actually enjoys it.

Maybe these kids were just playing their mom? They think telling her how much they dont want to go, makes her feel better? Maybe they truly dont like going to dad's. Hopefully its not for a reason such as neglect or abuse. With those aside, those kids should keep going to their dad's that way they can continue to work on their bond with their Dad and their new sister.

Ages 4-6, I think the kids live in the moment. They're with mom now, want to stay with mom forever. Late with dad, grandma, best friend - they want to stay with xyz forever too.

11 year old though? Bad manners. DH should have excused himself and her from the table, gave her a talking-to and the choice to go do some outdoor chores (no fun stuff like staying in her room) or join the group and be polite to everyone.

My DH's kids want to see him, it's me they don't care to see, and the fact that when they are there for Christmas, my kids are not but their gifts are under the tree. The two trouble makers get so damn pissed that those gifts under the tree isn't there's and they should get them because they are there and they didn't get enough to begin with and blah blah eggnog.

My SD has never spent one holiday with us. She has always preferred to be with BM and BM's family, and since DH and I have no kids (nor do I have any bios), he figured she would have a better time with her cousins and such, so never pushed the issue.

Kids need both their Dad/Mom both in their life.

Don't get me wrong...I do believe there are some parents that are bad and do more harm than good and should be kept from the kids to protect them...

But for the most part, if all parties are "normal" per say...they should have both parents in their life...

Your SD13 sounds like a teen...not a fun age for most people to deal with, attitude is common and she is a girl on top of it...but she still needs her dad.

Boys need a father to model and learn how to treat others and a girl needs a dad to know how a man should treat and love a girl. and vice versa with moms and kids is my opinion...

I don't think that's an appropriate age to let them make that kind of decision. My husband let his daughter decide to cut him out of her life when she was 11. That's a borderline case to me. She was very near the age where the courts start listening to her but I think her mom and my husband did her a HUGE disservice by allowing that. I personally believe that fathers are extremely important figures at that age. I'm not complaining about her absence from my home, she was terrible. It broke DH's heart but her behavior was disruptive to everyone involved: DH, me, her brother, even BM. It was definitely the easy way out but I think the girl will have huge problems later in life because of it.

Our counselor is a strong advocate on having the kid see both houses, even if one is bad (unless abusive/neglectful). She states (and I agree), that even if the child has strong and logical preferences, they should see both parents, and the parent who is "favorite" runs a huge risk of later alienation if they block the relationship from the "bad" parent. The child needs to see and make their own decision. If one parent is bad (in the eyes of the other) and that other parent uses their influence to block visits, they run a real risk that the child will later turn around and hate them for isolating them. Even if there is good reason.

The counselor and I have had long conversations on this point as my ex is borderline abusive/neglectful. My BS8 has gone for a day or so with no food until he made himself a sandwich, has been locked out for hours for being "bad", is tardy for school, hell there was even an incident that led to police and human services (and FBI) involvement. However, he enjoys seeing them at times, and at this point it is likely visitation will be reduced although not prevented.

Overall, kids should see parents, plural. My BS8 summed it up this weekend (to a cashier, who had seen him before with dad!!), "I do not like my step mom, but I deal with it. I am not always going to like everyone I meet, so have to learn to get along". LMAO

Hmm couldn't be my skids. They are much older than 4 and 6 now but here's how that scenario would go:

Skids: "We don't want to go to dad's house for Christmas."

BM: "Oh my swweeeeet swweeeet baby coochie coos!! I could just eat you up right now!!! Yes, you don't want to go to your dad's house who lives with that mean old witch. You shouldn't have to go there and follow any of HER rules!"

BM continues rant: "And what's this I hear about you not eating junk/fast food when you're over there. How TERRIBLE! You should get kid friendly meals all the time. After all, he is just a visitor in your lives; that's why they call it "visitation." Mommy is the REAL parent. Make sure you call him up and tell him you won't come over UNLESS he buys you the entire four aisles of toys at Walmart!"

Skids: "YAY!"

The End.