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recovering from a "pleasant" weekend with SD

blendedandbeautiful's picture

Submitted by blendedandbeautiful on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:31am

I know I sound so petty when I say this, especially since my SD is only 5, but I always feel so relieved when she leaves!

Here are some entertaining events from this weekend;

  • Walking in the door, SD took one look at my 6 month pregnant belly and said, "That better be your last baby. You better not have anymore kids after this." After some silly advice from a fellow SM, I'm going to tell SD I'm actually having twins the next time she comes over. Can't wait to see the jealous rage it sends her crazy BM into.
  • When my husband cooks, SD positively fawns over whatever we're eating. "Oh, Daddy, you make the best food." "Oh, I love to eat your food, Daddy." Guess who did all the cooking this weekend? Me! Guess who didn't hear one word of thanks for cooking this weekend? Me! As a matter of fact, SD complained about everything! "I don't like cheese, I don't want this on my sandwich, I just want a chicken sandwich. I'm not eating!" Keep in mind this poor child only eats fast food at her BM's house-no breakfast, Wendy's and Rally's for lunch and dinner. This would probably explain the fact that at 5, my SD is wearing a size 10/12 in kid's clothing-unhealthy to the extreme, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut! (And I'm being realistic about the health issues-not venting that she is overweight-I feel extremely sorry for her and a lot of anger toward her mom, who is morbidly obese, for allowing this to happen to her daughter.)Of course, Daddy wanted to come to the rescue and make her different food, but I told him he could eat the parts she didn't like and she could eat the rest-it actually worked!
  • At breakfast on Sunday morning, I was getting everyone's breakfast ready before church(Dad was upstairs getting ready). I know that SD normally doesn't eat breakfast, and she used to regularly vomit before church (a fit? nerves? eating breakfast? I don't know), so I always ask her if she would like to eat breakfast or skip it. It was like PULLING TEETH PEOPLE to get this kid to answer me. She sat at the table for a FULL TEN MINUTES looking at everyone at the table, looking in every corner of the room, looking at her hands and feet and mumbling incoherently. She acts like she can't even speak to me. I just sat there seething and said, "SD, you may answer me and tell me if you would like breakfast or not. It is ok to speak to me." What is with this kid? Have I mentioned her REFUSAL to speak to me at our house? She refuses to ask me for anything, to acknowledge my existence, and half the time she won't even look at me. Of course, Dad came down and was infuriated that she wasn't ready to leave (he leaves earlier than the rest of us for choir run throughs, and normally takes one or two of the kids.) I had already made it clear that I wanted him to take dearSS and SD5 with him that morning, leaving me with dearSD12 dearSD10 and BD2. He insinuated for about 5 minutes that I keep her with me, but I just calmly finished up my sewing. This did not make for a pleasant rest of the day, but I had to stand my ground. If the child won't speak to me, why in the world would I keep her with me? NO WAY!
  • Later Sunday afternoon, husband needed to run a quick errand and told dearSD 12 and SD5 to put their coats on so they could go with him. After a few minutes, he called SD5 down to leave, and she said, "I don't want to come, I'm not going." This type of disobedience would NEVER be tolerated from any of our children. I said, "I'm sorry, did you give her the option to stay?" He just turned to me and snapped, "It's not that deep to me, just drop it. She can stay." (NO, PLEASE TAKE HER WITH YOU!!!!!!!) I told him to make sure she had everything she needed because she "refuses to ask me for anything, husband." He snapped at SD10 to stay (no, he wouldn't take another child in her place) and "take care of her sister." I just wish he could understand that I am more than willing to uphold my part of the bargain (caring for his daughter) if he is willing to uphold his (speaking to her when she is disrespectful and disciplining her when she is disobedient.) He acts like ignoring her disobedience and disrespect punishes me someway, but he doesn't realize HE is the one suffering, and eventually, his daughter will suffer as well.

I know this is long and rambling, but if feels SO GOOD to finally have a safe place to vent my frustrations!!

Comments

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:42am

My Skids used to do that about the food. If dad made it, it was fantastic and great. If I made it, they wouldn't touch it. One time, I fixed the meal but we told them that Dad fixed it. When they were done eating it, he asked how they liked it. It was great - can we have it again tomorrow? Oh really, you liked it, because mom made all that food you're eating. The look on their faces was priceless. They haven't complained since.

Also yesterday, SS13 (Sheldon) needed a new lunchbox. So DH told him to get his coat on, they were going to Target to get a new one. SS said "Nah, I don't want to go." HUH-WHAT???? I told him I didn't realize his father was giving him an option and to do what he was told. He got all mad, and so DH said to drop it. I went with him instead because I needed to get out of the house. I told him on the way there that he needs to stop asking his kids what they want to do and TELL them what they are GOING to do. You don't know how tempted I was to buy Sheldon a Hello Kitty lunchbox, but DH overruled me. Dang it!
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:52am

I think the food thing is the easiest thing a skid can do to get under the sparents skin. I had to go through that too. And we did the same thing, let him eat and tell daddy how "daddy is the best cook ever and this is the best meal I ever had" and then Daddy told him that Smom made the meal. Agreed, the look was priceless, and we haven't had a problem since.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

blendedandbeautiful's picture

Submitted by blendedandbeautiful on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:53am

It is so frustrating because I will readily admit to being standoffish and cold when she was here-I knew it was very sinful, and so my husband and I sat down with our Bible and we went through some Bible passages and determined which one would be my go to verse (Galatians 5:22-23-the Fruits of the Spirit). It worked wonders! I didn't have the anger or resentment when she came over anymore! I just feel so defeated because it seems like no matter how I act/react to her, she still hates me! And I feel like husband not addressing it is only making it worse.

However, I think another great idea is to keep a weekend's supply of Wendy's chicken sandwiches in the freezer for her when she comes over! I'm sure they won't be as good as her mom's, but it won't be MY food she's complaining about! (kidding, I would never do this)

love is an action ; not a feeling

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 10:05am

There are other passages in the bible that direct your husband to teach his child responsibility. Why are you the only one expected to live in a Christian like way with respect to this situation? I would recommend that you do the same exercise with dh regarding discipline (spare the rod, spoil the child or some other verse that references responsibility for one's children). AND I'd recommend sitting the children down and picking out a verse for each of them (especially SD5 - respecting others as you'd like to be respected or perhaps about being grateful).

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!