Need Advice from Experience
My bf's ex-wife is somewhat on the nutty side. She makes up things about us and tells the kids. The kids are subjected to her anger and the 14 year old (the oldest) is showing signs of rage as well. The youngest, 6 years old, told us that Emily (14 year old) kicks holes in the wall "all the time". We asked him why she does this and he said she is "mad a mommy". The ex is also addicted to prescription pain medication, not prescribed to her (of course:) She tells my bf that she will file a domestic violence charge on him if he doesn't do certain things her way. He is never around her, doesn't want to speak to her, doesn't answer the phone when she calls and it makes her mad. That's why she says she will file the domestic. He works and comes home, gets the kids every other weekend, that's it.
She is constantly trying to make us look bad by making up stories. It reminds me of a 3 year old making up stories. The kids are afraid to talk to me when their mother is around. I'll try to say "hi" to them and they turn away from me like I'm a stranger. They also won't speak to their dad at ball games unless he goes over to them. The 14 year old acts like he doesn't exist. When their mother is not around, they seem to be happy kids. When my bf has them for the weekend, they play and won't leave me alone. They are constantly asking me to do stuff with them. So we know things are being said to them by their mother to make them act a certain way when she is around. I am thinking that she is manipulating them into thinking that we are bad people and they shouldn't be around us, but she always wants them to be with us when she has plans to pill it up over the weekend.
We have had her drug tested in court and it came back diluted. The court called her back in for a repeat test and we don't know the results yet, its been three weeks. A guardian at litem is assigned to the case, so we are hoping that she can help us out.
My question is, since my bf's ex-wife is obviously having some mental issues, would it be advantageous to order a mental health evaluation on her and possibly the children? I think the kids need to be in therapy anyway and my bf totally agrees, but she's not going to take them. Maybe we could get it court ordered. I really think they would benefit from therapy, but if she tells them what to say and what not to say, it won't do any good.
Please only give helpful advice. thanks.
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I don't have any experience
I don't have any experience with requesting BM to have a mental health evaluation. However, DH was required to have mental health evaluation for SS when he took custody of the boy at age 14. He took SS for a thorough physical examination, 2 separate evaluations from psychologists and started weekly therapy. The evaluations were somewhat contradictory - one said he was a normal teenager, the other thought he might have some issues with impulse control. The court forced us to continue weekly therapy and follow thru with any recommendations from the therapists. Well, the therapist thought that SS needed a full mental health screening to identify ALL of his issues. So we were referred to another clinic (a friend of the therapist) for testing. Then, therapist and clinician decided to change the results of the test (they admitted this to DH and BM) to what THEY felt SS needed. They recommended out-patient treatment for addiction (SS had smoked a few cigarette but had NO addiction problem). Then when he completed that, they recommended in-patient treatment for ODD. He finished 9 months of that and the school said he needed more so he stayed an extra 3 months. It cost us over $10k for medical bills alone and the residential school cost us over $60k. The courts blindly followed the recommendation of the therapist and left the parents with no choice to decide on the best medical treatment for their own son.
I think therapy can be a wonderful thing. But I don't think it should be required by the courts. If BF has joint legal custody, then he has every right to enroll his kids in therapy on his own accord.
Good point... we don't really
Good point... we don't really need the courts to decide that our kids need to be in therapy. I think we'll see what insurance will pay and talk about making weekly appointments for the kids on our time. The thing is, we know that their mother will tell them they don't have to go because she doesn't make them do anything. There are no rules at her home and its okay to be disrespectful and rude to others. So if their dad tells them that he thinks it would be good for them to be in therapy, they're just going to say they don't want to go and mommy said they didn't have to. I KNOW the 14 year old will not go and I think she's the one that needs it most. I guess we're kind of in a hard place here... If the kids were with him, he would see that they went, but their mother is ALWAYS going to interfere with anything he tries to do. I guess its a lost cause.